The Random Galt & Gonzo Childhood Memories Thread

[GonzoStyle]

Before I repeat stories, I think I told this one but did I ever tell the circle jerk story? aka "cum on a cracker"?

[drusilla]

not that i recall

[GonzoStyle]

Your posts are jarring memories.

My first exposure to playboy was when I was in 5th grade. Gregg Collona had an older brother, who was away, and his parents were also away. I was one of three friends he had over, while his big sister "watched the house" (got banged by her boyfriend). Gregg whipped out his brother's Playboy, and I was enthralled, but also confused. "Where the hell is the vagina?" Is it the hair? Is that even hair?" You have to remember, this was before I had sex ed, and I was also with three other guys, so I couldn't act like I had no idea what was going on. After we looked at his Playboy for a while, the other guys wanted to go into his parents room and use the hot tub. But before that, they wanted to compare penis size. I was all "naw, that's cool - I'm going to check out this magazine more". So while they all looked at each other's cocks in his parents room, I was in the other room getting to really figure out what was going on with the whole vagina thing.


three stories I remember about a pool in my yard.

1 When we were little, we had an above the ground pool. One day, I was going to go swimming, and my brother was talking about going to. But I was mad at him for some reason. Or maybe I wasn't mad at him and I just being a douche. Regardless, On my way to the pool, I happened to find a dead bee. I picked it up, and walked over the to the pool. I got into the pool and put the bee on one of the steps, hoping my brother would step on it and cry. Well, short attention span that it is, I swam for a bit, my brother never came out, and when I left the pool, I stung myself with a bee.

When I was 13 we got an in-the-ground pool. As the youngest boy, it was my job to vacuum the pool a lot. Obviously, one of the first things I did was try and get the pool vacuum to give me a blow job. I hopped in the pool, got the hose suction going and stuck my junk in. Within a fraction of a second, I had massive wood. Unfortunately, no matter how long I had it like that or whatever else I tried, I just couldn't come close to having an orgasm. Good thing, because if so, I would have been vacuuming the pool every day and I parents or brothers/sister surely would have found out and I would have had to kill myself.

Another thing I did while vacuuming the pool was take the long pole and try and pole vault with it. I'd run on the side of the pool and plant the pole on the bottom of the pool and it was pretty bad ass. Unfortunately, the vacuum brush would slide all over the place, so I couldnt' really get any good distance. So I took that piece off and just had a pole. I did this a lot. Well, after a few months, my father was baffled by the hundreds of crescent shape moons on the bottom of the pool. He had no idea how it happened, but he thought the pool was ripping apart from the inside. He probably spent 40 hours over the course of one summer trying to patch the thing (upon which time I was still pole vaulting whenever I could), until he finally broke down and had to spent like $2,500 to get the whole pool re-lined.

After that point I felt bad, and stopped doing it.

all of those stories were so spectaculous

[Hawt Baux]

I've heard the cracker story.

[funsnapsdyno]

did her dad ever role play with you in the bathroom?

he sounds like a perv but he was actually a good dude

[GonzoStyle]

Back in high school my friend arthurs parents would rent this sweet little bungalow on a lake in upstate. So one weekend his parents had to go back down to brooklyn for like a wedding or whatever and decided to let him stay up there and invite all of us up for the weekend.

So it was pretty cool for the first day, we swam in the lake, went fishing, had a camp fire at night and told stories. But in the end, there was no TV there, no radio, and we didnt have a car cause we all traveled up there together in one of the guys parents car and they just left us.

So it's 7 guys and 3 girls in a cabin, with absolutely nothing left to do but fuck and fuck around. So we start getting drunk one night, we're playing cards on the veranda and making BBQ and just doing fuckin stupid shit like "oooh man look me do this!!!" and its like not even funny but we all laugh anyway cause we're retarded.

So then we start looking for household stuff to fuck around with, then someone goes in the bathroom and jerks off into a cup and comes out and tosses it on one of the chicks and we loff and loff. Then the bitch starts complaining about it and everyones like "you should totally eat it, lick that shit off!!" She said no way, you fuckin do it!

So I dont even remember who but someone starts explaining about "cum on a cracker", which basically is a circle jerk with the premise being you sit around a cracker and jerk off on it, last guy to come has to eat the cracker....

So of course we're down, except for this one kid Matt but either way we have 6 dudes jerking off on a cracker.

Now the problem was we didnt have crackers, so we used those jewish crackers "tam tams" which are like an octagon shape and is crispy but also has all of these little open pores to suck up the cum, so double score.

So we're all jerking off and we have no tv or porn so we're trying to all really concentrate on a fantasy I guess. I got turned on by all the hard dicks around me so I came 2nd after mark martinez who was for sure gayer than me. It ended basically with James having to fuckin eat the cracker.

The last 2 left was the best part cause everyone is staring and these guys are shy as is, we fuckin stood there for 20 minutes. It was like the best beat off ever.

James didnt want to eat the cracker so we mighta let him get away with just one nibble but because he tried to punk out we held him down and not only forced the cracker into his mouth then pinched his nose shut. We then fuckin scooped every drop down his gullet.

Later on he threatened to sue us all for like rape basically, so we said we'd all plead guilty if he actually stood before his parents and explained what happened.

he didn't.

[drusilla]

we used to call it "ookie cookie"

[Galt]

goo cookie

[GonzoStyle]

motherfuckers never heard of sugar sandwiches but mention cum on a snack food and everyones "oh man I know!!!"

awful creatures

I totally had I believe the best sex ever that night with 3 finger julie, she lost her index and middle fingers at the bowling alley, she stuck her hand in the ball return thingy when her ball was stuck.

She was fuckin awesome, did the dirtiest shit ever.

[Galt]

come on.

[GonzoStyle]

oh and by the way I totally remembered a little follow up story to me and my cousin with the vibrator.

I got addicted to using a vibrator on my pee pee and my mom of course had one. She had a bed where like the head rest would actually open up and you could like put stuff in there and that is where she kept it.

So one day im in her room and vibrating my penis, then she comes home and I frantically try to pull my underwear up and hide the vibrator but I fumbled my undies and couldnt get them up in time, so I just throw the blanket over me and pretend I am sleeping.

It woulda worked had I turned the vibrator OFF!!! fuckin stupid head.

So anyway she caught me blah blah blah. but the funny aspect was like a few months later I had heard my friends brother got AIDS from having sex with whoever and I thought that I was having sex, i didnt know how you actually got aids.

So one night I am lying in bed and crying and mom walks in and is like what the fuck is wrong with you!!!

So I said I was afraid that maybe I got aids from the vibrator and she musta had this thought where I was trying to say that she had aids, cause I was basically jerking off with HER vibrator.

She totally fuckin verbally raped me that night with some of the most atrocious things ever, she degraded me so bad that I have literally blocked out everything she said.

[Galt]

motherfuckers never heard of sugar sandwiches but mention cum on a snack food and everyones "oh man I know!!!"

awful creatures

Perversion is universal; poverty is not.

[Mad]

Never did the circle jerk.

At eleven, I made the jump from Cub to Boy Scouts blowing off the whole Weblo program. Most jump over at twelve. At camp you have to shower with other guys (over head shower heads with pull chains in the middle of an open space, just outside walls and clear sky) being the youngest didn't help. Dumb ass me starting pissing into the drain and one older guys yelled at me, so I pissed on him.

That didn't go over too well and really, really pissed him off, he ended up chasing me down in the camp site and trashed me with water balloons in retaliation.

Couple of days later one kid was fucking with my older brothers shit, dunking it in the fifty-five gallon fire bucket in the middle of the camp. I flipped out on him and started attacking the asshole. Four of the older guys were trying to hold me back, but I was thrashing like a psycho. He ended up crying in his tent till his dad who would die shortly thereafter of cancer, had to come and pick him up.

Also smoked weed for the first time that same year. It was amazing listening to Pink Floyd and laughing at nothing. This went on while our Scout Master was a NYPD detective in narcotics. At siesta time (12-2PM) he would assign tasks to do, clean the latrine, police (look for garage) the camp site, etc...for inspection by a bunch of Inspectors who award trophy for best whatever. I would always mange to slip out of these task sessions. The SM nicknamed me the Ghost, for my disappearing act. Thats when he started to single me out and hold on to the scruff of my neck while dishing out the jobs, I always ended up with the shit jobs.

After the chores and siesta was over and I'd be burnt, I was off to go sailing all afternoon.

[GonzoStyle]

motherfuckers never heard of sugar sandwiches but mention cum on a snack food and everyones "oh man I know!!!"

awful creatures

Perversion is universal; poverty is not.

touche

It got to be a real bad addiction with the vibrator too. I used to keep it on there for like 30 minutes at a time, cause I wasnt blowing loads yet, so there wasn't like a finish point where I was like "ok im done".

So this one day, I have no clue how long I had kept the vibrator on my cock but all of a sudden it started to hurt, like the type of hurt where I thought I had opened up a wound on my pee pee.

I look at it and my penis had swollen up into not just almost double its size but it had blown up on like on side of the head into this awful weird shape. It was like a ballpark frank that was only cooked on one side.

I fuckin started to panic and cry. I kept on staring at it and just pacing back and forth in tears. I started to pray and ask god to make my penis normal again and I would never "do it" again. Finally after like 45 minutes the swelling went down and I was so relieved.

Naturally 30 minutes later, back to the vibrator on my pee pee.

[HedCold]

growing up i had an illegal cable box and so did my friend, so we both new about the playboy and spice channel. at my house my dad would use the adult block on it, but i eventually figured out how to turn it off thanks to my friends. i remember the first time i figured it out i was freaking out because i couldn't turn it back on and i had to call up my friend so he could tell me what to do. eventually i learned how to do it so if you powered the box off the adult block would be back.

one time my cousin (whos like 15 yrs older then me) calls me up asking if my dad was home. he was at his friends house and someone had messed it up where a normal channel was blocked out on the adult block, so he wanted to ask my dad how to turn it off. he then asks if i knew how and i was just like "uhhh, nooooo". he was just like come on i know you do so i eventually told him. eventually i came to know that my dad figured i knew how to turn it off but he didn't really care, he just didn't want the channel blocked so if my mom/sisters were flipping around or if people were over it would accidentally come on.

i would also watch the movies on the ppv channels all the time, to the point where i had parts of movies like hook memorized word for word. one time i was watching romeo and juliet (the leo dicaprio one) with my friend, and the part where mercutio i think (the black friend) first comes out and was dressed as a girl and shows his ass my friend goes "now thats a nice ass"
i had seen this part before so i just start laughing, and as soon as he realizes its a dude hes just like "ah fuck". i never let him forget it.

me and my friends did some gay shit in our pools. if someone was swimming under water with goggles or we knew had their eyes open under water, we'd moon them or flash our cocks. we were always really disturbed by it, and i don't think any of them were turned on, but it was funny just to see the reactions.

i had only heard of cum on a cracker because i heard that shit happened at summer camps for hs football teams, but they did it on a pizza.

[GonzoStyle]

growing up i had an illegal cable box and so did my friend, so we both new about the playboy and spice channel. at my house my dad would use the adult block on it, but i eventually figured out how to turn it off thanks to my friends. i remember the first time i figured it out i was freaking out because i couldn't turn it back on and i had to call up my friend so he could tell me what to do. eventually i learned how to do it so if you powered the box off the adult block would be back.

one time my cousin (whos like 15 yrs older then me) calls me up asking if my dad was home. he was at his friends house and someone had messed it up where a normal channel was blocked out on the adult block, so he wanted to ask my dad how to turn it off. he then asks if i knew how and i was just like "uhhh, nooooo". he was just like come on i know you do so i eventually told him. eventually i came to know that my dad figured i knew how to turn it off but he didn't really care, he just didn't want the channel blocked so if my mom/sisters were flipping around or if people were over it would accidentally come on.

i would also watch the movies on the ppv channels all the time, to the point where i had parts of movies like hook memorized word for word. one time i was watching romeo and juliet (the leo dicaprio one) with my friend, and the part where mercutio i think (the black friend) first comes out and was dressed as a girl and shows his ass my friend goes "now thats a nice ass"
i had seen this part before so i just start laughing, and as soon as he realizes its a dude hes just like "ah fuck". i never let him forget it.

me and my friends did some gay shit in our pools. if someone was swimming under water with goggles or we knew had their eyes open under water, we'd moon them or flash our cocks. we were always really disturbed by it, and i don't think any of them were turned on, but it was funny just to see the reactions.

i had only heard of cum on a cracker because i heard that shit happened at summer camps for hs football teams, but they did it on a pizza.

I remember back in the day we had WHT for cable, which had like 1 cable channel which I think was HBO. This is like 20 years ago, so at night they used to show pornos, which I doubt was HBO but it just switched over to porn or whatever.

So one night moms was out and it was a saturday night and wouldnt you fuckin know it, they had stopped showing porn!!!! I was stuck watching breakfast club instead.

[GonzoStyle]

I also remembered back to the "getting aids from a vibrator thing" Moms would totally diss me from time to time after that, even in public, she told everyone how dumb I was. Like we were at a dinner one night after my uncles funeral and I asked her if I could have a sip of her soda and she said "sorry, I dont wanna get AIDS!!!" and id like stand there with a stunned look on my face, like thinking to myself "bitch, why you do me like that?". Then she would in great detail explain to everyone at the table how mr. pee pee on the vibrator thought he got aids from the vibrator.

[funsnapsdyno]

you never finished your cousin story !

[GonzoStyle]

he sucked my cock, the end.

[Galt]

I hope you were considerate enough to give him a tug while it was going on.