Can you keep a friendship?

Maynard · 10-23-2002, 03:57 PM

I have a major problem with keeping up long distance friendships. After they move.

With the exception of 2 or 3 people, it's an out of sight, out of mind kind of thing. There's a few friends that I rarely see, but when we talk, or see each other, it's like we were never apart.

The majority though, unless we have had some major bond, or something along those lines, just kind of fade away. I am terrible at keeping up friendships long distance. And alot of those people I wish I still talked to.

Now I know that people come, and people go, but I wish I could put an end to this. People end up hating me because I don't get back to them for long periods of time. It's not that I don't care about them. I guess it's just hard for me to keep them updated on things when I talk to them once a month or so.

Edited By Maynard on 1035388754

Buttmunch · 10-23-2002, 04:08 PM

I've got lots of friends that seem to have "disincluded" me in their lives. Granted, most live in and around Boston, and it's hard to get together often, but I haven't heard from them for quite a while. Of course, I haven't kept up communication either. But, that doesn't mean that I don't consider them friends. I feel that they too still consider me a friend.

My best friend, for lack of a better term, is another story. His wife has always hated me (and his brother and relatives and other friends for that matter). I once went to their house for New Years' Eve and while expecting the "old gang" I found only her friends and people I knew that he really had never been friends with.

The final straw was at his first son's christening. His whole family thought I was going to be the godfather. They were suprised that I wasn't. During the celebration dinner, he pulled me aside and explained that her brother was godfather for various, legitimate reasons. However, he told me that they wanted me to be the godfather for their second child when the time came.

Second son was born and I wasn't even invited to the christening.

I took that as a message.

Skitchr4u · 10-23-2002, 04:15 PM

Maynard, I completely understand where you are coming from. For whatever reason, I just have a hard time keeping in touch with people. Even when I have their e-mail or phone number or whatever, I just get too busy during the day, and then when I get home I am just too lazy or whatever to contact them. It sucks, and a few of my friends told me how pissed it made them. Now I make a point to call or get in touch with them at least twice a week, just to show that I am not a dick, and am still friends...

oh and BM, that is a shitting thing to have done...

OAS · 10-23-2002, 04:18 PM

I have had many friendships that have come and gone. Distance is one issue, going separate ways another. I can at least say that a friendship has never ended due to lack of trust or hurting someone along the way. The ending of one friendship just makes room for another to grow. Marriage, significant others often plays a role in friendships disappearing. At least I have been able to tell people that I have been in relationships with that if they didn'tlike a friend of mine, they just needed to get over it. I have never disowned a friend because someone that I was in a relationship with didn't like them.

GonzoStyle · 10-23-2002, 04:20 PM

I also find that I fade away from certain people I like a lot. They don't call me for a bit, I get busy and don't call them. Then it gets to the point I feel uncomfortable calling after so long. Then I miss them really bad and I dunno if they feel the same or just don't care anymore. I hate losing friends more than anything.

There are even people here, whom I may post around but haven't spoken to in the longest, two of them being the 1st two repliers in this thread.

Like I said in the confession thread, if it was up to me we'd have get togethers on a weekly basis, I just don't think that can happen again for a bunch of reasons I guess.

But life would be easier if people communicated their feelings more openly to other people.

Buttmunch · 10-23-2002, 04:24 PM

Gonzo, let's get together soon.

Meet me at Bazookas.

My treat.

GonzoStyle · 10-23-2002, 04:25 PM

Can I steal a bottle of steak sauce this time?

OAS · 10-23-2002, 04:26 PM

Can I come too? I mean I was the third replier in this thread but I would love to gain Gonzo's favor.

Buttmunch · 10-23-2002, 04:26 PM

Absolutely. But, this is digressing into "inside jokes" territory.

Like I said in another thread. I miss talking to people.

I just never seem to have the free time to devote to all of the things that I would like to do.

That and my heroin addiction.

GonzoStyle · 10-23-2002, 04:29 PM

I like you gramps and you know it.

I just think it is dumb sometimes how we lose contact with people. They are probably feeling the same way you do, you are thinking the don't wanna talk to you and vice versa. It's pretty sad that it could all have been avoided if someone took the initiative.

OAS · 10-23-2002, 04:36 PM

Maybe this thread is crying out to start planning the CDIH holiday party now. All we have to do is figure out how to spend the $20 at the door donation.

Maynard · 10-23-2002, 04:40 PM

We're having a party this friday for Laz.
Did you forget?

Also....I know it will limit some people, but I'd like to have something out here, in West Jersey. If all of us can keep driving into the city, then you guys could drive out here for once. Maybe something in the beginning of November?

JimmyBlueEyes · 10-23-2002, 05:46 PM

Sometimes it's not easy to keep a friendship over the miles and years. I had friends from my service days I expected to hang with long after I got out. I think I have seen maybe two of them in the six years since I got out. The same with high school. I think I talk to maybe 3 or 4 people tops from then, and even that is few and far between. I had a bunch of friends in my old neighborhood in Queens. And then I moved upstate. I think I keep in regular contact with one, maybe two of them. The rest just fell by the wayside. I tried reconnecting with a few of them and felt really awkward when I did. People change...and they grow up. It sucks donkey balls sometimes but it's part of life.

virgingrrl · 10-23-2002, 06:21 PM

i can keep a friendship for years..my longest one is for 11 years. that is half of my life.

i do not need to see, or even talk to my friends everyday in order to call them my best friends...its so much more then that.

Hybrid · 10-23-2002, 06:23 PM

i hang out regularly with a friend i made in kindergarten

(OMGOMGOMGOM WASNT THAT LAST YEAR? LIOLOLILOLOL!!! Rolleyes

)

Edited By Hybrid on 1035397461

Maynard · 10-23-2002, 06:32 PM

Well, my oldest friend I've had since 4th grade. How old are you then? It's going on like 18 years.
But we are so different from each other now, it almost doesn't make sense to stay friends. :-(

Hybrid · 10-23-2002, 06:38 PM

i'm 18, so its definitely been a long time.

nerdo5 · 10-23-2002, 06:40 PM

Quote:All we have to do is figure out how to spend the $20 at the door donation.

can we buy some offensive t-shirts with the proceeds?

i, too, suprisingly, have a tough time with friends. i saw a kid that i've been friends with since kiddy-garten a few months ago. he lives really close, but i haven't called him. another of my friends from 6th grade works 1 mile from my house. and does all of my body work for my trucks. i never see him, unless i need some work done. i stink, come to think of it.

fbd · 10-23-2002, 06:46 PM

i know its a bit different for me with my lack of age, but i'm good with keeping close friends. i've been really close with my best friend since we were in third grade when i moved accross town and we were on the same bus. i also still frequently talk to a friend of mine i've known since i was 2 or 3 and we'd play together while we waited for my brother and his sister to finish kindergarten. i'll also be spending time this weekend with a girl who i knew back then, too, but i havent talked to her as much

nerdo5 · 10-23-2002, 06:59 PM

Quote:and we were on the same bus.

was it the short bus? /sarcasm.