i just got this email...

[dingdongyo]

...from my big gay coworker:

-----------------

Dear Red States:

We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue States with us. In case you aren't aware, that includes California, Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois, and the entire Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New California.

To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma, and all the slave states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood. We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom. We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss. We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama. We get two-thirds of the tax revenue; you get to make the red states pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners), 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias, and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Stanford, Cal Tech, and MIT.



With the Red States on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson, and the University of Georgia. We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent think that Saddam was involved in 9/11, and 61 percent of you crazy bastards believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties.

Finally, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico.

Peace out,

Blue States

-----------------

i don't pretend to know this stuff. but i think it can inspire some equally over-the-top reactions, and that spells funny to me.

disputes? :o

[Biff]

Blue font = unreadable.

[dingdongyo]

Blue font = unreadable.

addressed. thanks.

[sunshyne]

this is just silly, first of all they can't really speak for everyone in the "blue states", and second of all, to say that everyone basically south of the Mason-Dixon line is some redneck, racist, religious freak is ignorant and stupid. And pretty much most of the statistics can be turned the other way with different problems. I wouldn't mind California secceeding from the US. Its a terrible state, fires, mud slides, earthquakes, pollution, overpriced houses, but if they like it, more power to them. The only thing good I can think of right now coming out of California is Playboy, and maybe we can get them to relocate.

[Howie Feltersnatch]

The only thing good I can think of right now coming out of California is Playboy, and maybe we can get them to relocate.

so, you're that type of girl? :o

[sunshyne]

sometimes..... I will say I really like watching the Girls Next Door, and I want to work at the mansion because it looks like tons of fun.

[landmammaldolphin]

I think it's funny. I'd think it was funny turned around the other way though too.

[fetusfacedwindbag]

I don't think there is anything to worry about. How many liberals that write emails like this will actually join the military?

If you respond to this, keep in mind the exact words that are written.

...and know that I'm not a righty.

[Torque]

I don't know where I'd fit, but as long as I have my guns I will fight for pot, pineapples, pro-choice, sequoias, and cheese. Not lettuce though. Seriously though, I thought it very funny.

[landmammaldolphin]

You bring up a good point Torque! I think if the democrats would simply give up on the gun issue they would never lose an election.

[sunshyne]

that, and I don't want my hard earned money being spread among the lazy (m)asses that don't work.

[fetusfacedwindbag]

that, and I don't want my hard earned money being spread among the lazy (m)asses that don't work.

That will never stop. I think you're trying to say that you don't want MORE of your money spread to those that you've mentioned. I guess the question is, how did you get to be in the top 2% of earners in the United States by the young age you are? ???

[Howie Feltersnatch]

You bring up a good point Torque! I think if the democrats would simply give up on the gun issue they would never lose an election.

I disagree there.

My biggest beef is spending on programs that I think are lame. I'm willing to pay for what I think is important. The people (majority) that think wellfare is important aren't paying taxes cause they're on it.

[sunshyne]

that, and I don't want my hard earned money being spread among the lazy (m)asses that don't work.

That will never stop. I think you're trying to say that you don't want MORE of your money spread to those that you've mentioned. I guess the question is, how did you get to be in the top 2% of earners in the United States by the young age you are? ???

My husband is a publisher, and is trying to buy another magazine, it grosses about 275,000.00.

[sunshyne]

Oh, and I don't mind paying for people that need help to better themselves, but when I was struggling before i got the job I have now, we couldn't afford the rent in our area, but his magazine he has now "grossed" too much to live in the lower cost housing, it doesn't matter that all the $ the magazine makes goes back into it, and nets basically nothing. We couldn't get a house loan cause we weren't "poor" enough for government assistance and I just started my new job and he was self employed. We were screwed and no one was there to bail us out, or give us a helping hand. And when I'm at work i hear people talking about selling their food stamps so they can buy their cigarettes and beer, and trying to get my boss to lie to their apartment complex about their starting work date so they don't have to pay last month's rent (which she doesn't do for them by the way), I get pissed, yes, I don't want to pay MORE of my hard earned money that i struggle enough with to go to waste. I say cut welfare and MAKE people take the peeon jobs or see what its really like to not have a free ride.

[Howie Feltersnatch]

i hear people talking about selling their food stamps so they can buy their cigarettes and beer,

i worked at a grocery store when i was a kid. I don't know about other states but here in MI you get a 'bridge card', or did, mostly a foodstamp debit card...but some folks were eligable for a 'cash' option which was to pay utilities and rent, well they would buy a pack of gum, get cash back, and then buy beer and cigs. All the while the kids are wearing nasty tore up cloths that even the Goodwill wouldn't sell.

fingerbanging shame

[fetusfacedwindbag]

Oh, and I don't mind paying for people that need help to better themselves, but when I was struggling before i got the job I have now, we couldn't afford the rent in our area, but his magazine he has now "grossed" too much to live in the lower cost housing, it doesn't matter that all the $ the magazine makes goes back into it, and nets basically nothing. We couldn't get a house loan cause we weren't "poor" enough for government assistance and I just started my new job and he was self employed. We were screwed and no one was there to bail us out, or give us a helping hand. And when I'm at work i hear people talking about selling their food stamps so they can buy their cigarettes and beer, and trying to get my boss to lie to their apartment complex about their starting work date so they don't have to pay last month's rent (which she doesn't do for them by the way), I get pissed, yes, I don't want to pay MORE of my hard earned money that i struggle enough with to go to waste. I say cut welfare and MAKE people take the peeon jobs or see what its really like to not have a free ride.

I don't like paying any of my money for those people either. It drives me mad that people take advantage of what's given to them. But - like I've used as a disclaimer all along - there are ALWAYS people on BOTH sides of the spectrum that take advantage of the system. I've sat down with a group of people (my best friend's parents and company - all in the $750K+/yr salary range), and they talked about all the different ways they got the government's tax plans to work in their favor.

One guy - a developer who earns around $3M/ year - talked about his new Porsche Cayenne that he only paid $15K for because he was able to write it off as a business expense and use government incentives to pay for the rest.

The rest were talking in super accountant rhetoric that I didn't completely understand, but all I could tell was that they were paying their accountant exorbitant amounts of money to "legally" show that they had earned HUNDREDS of thousands of dollars less than they had actually earned.

How is that any better than the people at your job selling their food stamps for cigarettes?

All I'm saying is that there are people everywhere that don't have their morals in line, but you're only around a certain demographic of these people on a daily basis. It seems as if you're only basing your opinion on these people.

Please don't take this (or my last post directed at you) as a personal attack. I'm simply saying that most people that I encounter that make statements like you did don't think about the entire picture.

[sunshyne]

I agree, there should definately be adjustments in both directions, but it is the middle level money makers like me and my husband that are probably going to end up paying dearly. Because of reasons like you stated. Maybe there should be a limit to write offs too, like if you do make $3M only be able to write off up to a certain % then the rest you just have to button up and pay taxes on, like everyone else.

[fetusfacedwindbag]

I agree, there should definately be adjustments in both directions, but it is the middle level money makers like me and my husband that are probably going to end up paying dearly. Because of reasons like you stated. Maybe there should be a limit to write offs too, like if you do make $3M only be able to write off up to a certain % then the rest you just have to button up and pay taxes on, like everyone else.

Unfortunately there will always be write offs and loopholes. We just have to live with it. I just think that we can better the economy if we put the money supply in the hands of the majority and let them spend it to make the rich richer.

(look in the president Obama threat for a full explanation of my opinion if you're interested...it's one of those long ones)

[Howie Feltersnatch]

(look in the president Obama threat for a full explanation of my opinion if you're interested...it's one of those long ones)

i would change threat to thread....don't want the Secret Service looking for ya

[Queenie]

(look in the president Obama threat for a full explanation of my opinion if you're interested...it's one of those long ones)

i would change threat to thread....don't want the Secret Service looking for ya

Now that's the bomb!!

[sunshyne]

yep, they just ran background checks on all of us

[airhornahole]

(look in the president Obama threat for a full explanation of my opinion if you're interested...it's one of those long ones)

i would change threat to thread....don't want the Secret Service looking for ya

"There has been a threat on President elect Obama by someone with the alias, uh, fetus faced windbag?. Story at 11."

Could you imagine the looks on the reporters faces? That would be funny.

[fetusfacedwindbag]

i would change threat to thread....don't want the Secret Service looking for ya

Now that's the bomb!!

Oops! Good call Howie.... way to make it even worse Queenie! 8-)

[Biff]

I am the clit master......

[Howie Feltersnatch]

I am the clit master......

'i am the clit commander, when ever you see clit you'll see this Effing face..."

[fetusfacedwindbag]

Biff..... ???

[Queenie]

Now that's the boob!!

Oops! Good call Howie.... way to make it even worse Queenie! 8-)

Fixed!

[Howie Feltersnatch]

yep, they just ran background checks on all of us

they're thinking


"Howie Feltersnatch looks good as a fireman'
:-X

[Howie Feltersnatch]

i hope they didn't take Fistor as a pre-emptive strike

[Rock Monster]

Don't worry, I can occupy all of the women secret service (yes, all of them.... look at me!) so you can escape.

[plungerhand]

Don't worry, I can occupy all of the women secret service (yes, all of them.... look at me!) so you can escape.

Way to, er... take one for the team...

[airhornahole]

Don't worry, I can occupy all of the women secret service (yes, all of them.... look at me!) so you can escape.

I want to see who will fit on the top Johnson.

"Now that's one big bitch."

[Rock Monster]

Don't worry, I can occupy all of the women secret service (yes, all of them.... look at me!) so you can escape.

I want to see who will fit on the top Johnson.

"Now that's one big bitch."

[airhornahole]

I want to see who will fit on the top Johnson.

"Now that's one big bitch."

nice

[scooterfanatic]

that, and I don't want my hard earned money being spread among the lazy (m)asses that don't work.

Right, all those laid-off workers lost their jobs because they were lazy, not because their companies moved to Mexico and China.

[sunshyne]

actually i was refering to the people on welfare that have made a lifestyle out of it. And as far as the people that got laid off, I do feel sorry for them. A lot of them were probably very hard workers, but honestly, unions have gone too far to make it too easy for someone to do the bare minimum amount of work and still get paid too much. I worked in a paint factory for six years, I worked harder and more efficiently than half the people that had been there for longer and got paid accordingly, we were not union, some of the other people would screw stuff up and lose the company money by being lazy or careless, then would gripe about not getting a raise the next quarter. I think you should get paid for how and when you work individually. Work ethic has gone down the shitter and people wonder why they lose jobs to cheap chinese labor. I don't think ALL the workers that got laid off are lazy, the unions stack all employees in the same pile regardless of quality, therefore people got laid off stacked in the same piles. I would rather have ten really efficient, reliable, hard workers versus twenty crappy workers at three times the price.

I work very hard, I worked my ass off to get where I am today, nothing has been handed to me. I feel I get paid what I am worth, probably a little more somedays. But I earn every dollar I make. I don't want my money to go to someone who is claiming disability because they are too fat to work, or to people who have litters of kids just so they can be given more money by the government, or anybody else wanting to take advantage of the system.

[linzi]

My husband is in the union at his job and they just voted to take a $110.00 a week paycut, just so the company didn't have to go bankrupt. If it wasn't for the insurance, he'd be out looking for a new job. I've got to be on medication so if we were to lose our insurance, it would never be covered since it's considered pre-existing. We pay cash for everything cause we don't want to pay a credit card company out the ass. He's a very hard worker and other venders try to get him to work for them. But he won't leave cause he's been there for almost 9 yrs. We don't have anything handed to us and we couldn't even get a home loan cause of his credit history from 10yrs ago!!! Yet an acquaintance of mine has 3 kids, gets student loans for nursing school that she has dropped out of twice, food stamps, medicaid and her father-in-law pays her mortgage. GO GOVERNMENT!!!

[sunshyne]

I understand about the insurance thing, I too have pre-existing conditions that if for any reason I lost my job or insurance, I would never be covered by another insurance company, period. Trust me I tried. My last job didn't have group health insurance and I was on cobra, but that was getting ready to end. I applied with serveral insurance companies and was willing to even let them exclude the pre-existing conditions and just live with it as long as possible, but they turned me flat down, so I had to leave my last job (which I enjoyed a lot) to get a job at a place with group health insurance. I had a brain tumor that, though not cancer, they considered it as being in that category so they wouldn't cover me

[linzi]

So sorry to hear about that. Hope all is well now. Insurance companies suck a big one. Like I said, if we didn't have kids, it would be a different story. You have got to have insurance for kids. Trust me.....