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Call in topic 1: I was a stupid kid because...
I was a stupid kid for many reasons. One time I was in some kind of Bible study in the middle of winter. We were all sitting on the floor, and I was on the floor by the outside door. I noticed this things on the floor, they looked like little diamonds except they were really foggy. I noticed my fingers were really powdery after touching the diamonds, so I touched it to the tip of my tounge. Salty. They were salt crystals, and the biggest ones I'd ever seen. Naturally, I ate about a handful, not thinking as to why salt was on the ground in the church. Then I saw the bag. The bag of road salt, with the poison control number, "Keep out of the reach of children," and other warnings on it.
Yeah, I was 8 years old...old enough to know better...
Everyday you reinvent yourself into a bigger cock-shite than ever. It's incredible. I don't know how you do it. I admire you.
I think that this situation absolutely requires a really futile and stupid gesture be done on somebody's part.
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That's okay. My younger brother and my sister thought it would be fun to play with a copperhead one day. It's a good thing our dog killed it before they were bitten.
"I'm glad to see those 'Worthless Whore' lessons turned out well for you."
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When I was around 7 years old, my friend and I thought it would be a good idea to throw rocks at a hornets' nest that was in a crabapple tree in my front yard. Of course, we didn't stand next to each other; for some reason we thought it would be a wonderful idea to stand on opposite sides and hurl rocks at the nest that was now between us. It shouldn't come as a surprise that after a few minutes, my friend arched a softball sized rock that barely missed the nest and proceeded to blast me in the temple, knocking me out cold for a few short seconds. When I came to, I found that I had been stung while I was out.
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When I was about 12, I, my middle brother, and two of the neighbor kids, decided it would be a good idea to gather up a bunch of cattail heads and soak them in gasoline, take them out into the woods, light them, and toss them as far as we could. Thank god the fire went out as we whipped them through the air.
"Sir, You need to get out of your car, there is a train comming."
"Why ummm... uhhh did you ummm... feel the need to errrrr, god why can't I type!!"
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When I was about 13 or 14, I rented a game from blockbuster. Not wanting to give up the game, I found one of my old crappy games and switched the labels on the 2 games.
Later that same night, after my dad had taken the game back to Blockbuster, my brother decided to play what he thought was that crappy game and found out what I had done. Him being too young to understand what a lie was, told my mom about it.
My mom yelled down the stairs to my room, telling me to get my ass up there and as I rounded the door out of the kitchen and into the dining room, I took a stiff right hook from my mom to the jaw. I had walked into that one blindly. My jaw hurt for a week.
That is the only time my mom EVER hit me for any reason. I learned that day not to steal.
My dad took me to Blockbuster the next day and made me tell the manager what I had done. The manager could have cared less and just made me buy the game which ended up costing me about 10 bucks.
What you know you can't explain, but you feel it. You've felt it your entire life, that there's something wrong with the world. You don't know what it is, but it's there, like a splinter in your mind, driving you mad.
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In seventh grade I went camping up in the UP with a friend from school. We brought along a ton of illegal fireworks. One night at the campfire we took about two dozen bottle rockets, ripped the sticks off, and threw them all into the fire.
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Then proceeded to run like hell as they went buzzing every which-way all over the place.
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potthole Wrote:In seventh grade I went camping up in the UP with a friend from school. We brought along a ton of illegal DRUGS.
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MY GOD I COULD TASTE COLORS.
Geez, potts, I can't believe what a wild stallion you used to be!
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Mark the Valet Wrote:potthole Wrote:In seventh grade I went camping up in the UP with a friend from school. We brought along a ton of illegal DRUGS.
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MY GOD I COULD TASTE COLORS.
Geez, potts, I can't believe what a wild stallion you used to be! Sorry.. you fail.
Editing quotes is only funny if you can make a change that is subtle, but yet noticeable enough to have a completely different meaning.
What you know you can't explain, but you feel it. You've felt it your entire life, that there's something wrong with the world. You don't know what it is, but it's there, like a splinter in your mind, driving you mad.
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Ok, you're right Opus. Clearly my obvious and over the top altering of his quote was indeed, NOT funny. I will consult you next time I want to post something I think people will find humerous.
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Mark the Valet Wrote:Ok, you're right Opus. Clearly my obvious and over the top altering of his quote was indeed, NOT funny. I will consult burnking next time I want to post something I think people will find humerous.
More accurate and proves the point. You want it to be funny, remember?
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Opus Wrote:Mark the Valet Wrote:potthole Wrote:In seventh grade I went camping up in the UP with a friend from school. We brought along a ton of illegal DRUGS.
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MY GOD I COULD TASTE COLORS.
Geez, potts, I can't believe what a wild stallion you used to be! Sorry.. you fail.
Editing quotes is only funny if you can make a change that is subtle, but yet noticeable enough to have a completely different meaning.
I laughed, for what it's worth.
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I was just being an ass.
Don't let me dictate how you post.
What you know you can't explain, but you feel it. You've felt it your entire life, that there's something wrong with the world. You don't know what it is, but it's there, like a splinter in your mind, driving you mad.
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Opus Wrote:I was just being a stupid kid.
Don't let me dictate how you post.
Hey doc, do you know the address of that place?
Oh, you know, I do know the address. It's at the corner of go fuck yourself and buy a map!
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Opus Wrote:I was just eating an ass.
Don't let me get dick on your post.
:o
Wiener Poopie 2.0! Now fatter and less credible!
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I was a stupid kid because in the 3rd grade I was certain that the pillow would cushion the hardest swing I could muster with my metal bat, from breaking my best friends hand.
“I wanna tell Y’all that I ain’t votin for nobody that don’t say freedom enough. Freedom ain’t free, Free Beer. We gotta fight for freedom, Hot wings. Zane you gotta eat freedom fries...Freedom, freedom, freedom, freedom..FREEDOM!"
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i'm blonde.
there, got that out of the way.
also i tried putting a diaper on every animal i could get my hands on and treating it like a baby.
and maybe one time i wanted to wake up my dad for 4th of july in a special way so i lit sparklers around my parents room and caught the shag rug on fire. :evil:
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beckyp Wrote:i'm blonde.
there, got that out of the way.
also i tried putting a diaper on every animal i could get my hands on and treating it like a baby.
and maybe one time i wanted to wake up my dad for 4th of july in a special way so i lit sparklers around my parents room and caught the shag rug on fire. :evil:
whats wrong with being blonde? :?
pants on the ground! pants on the ground!
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beckyp Wrote:i lit sparklers around my parents room and caught the shag rug on fire. :evil:
Did your mom start using Nair after that?
Go fuck yourself. Hard.
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