04-13-2009, 11:36 AM
there's no way i can fix myself unless i start way earlier...
hey 8 year old me,
you're broken, and you will stay that way unless you make changes now. in fact, everything you don't fix now will just get worse when you grow up. follow my directions and we just might save each other:
do something besides play video games with every second of your free time. this will become a habit for critical years and make you a fat stupid shut in, a state you will remain in until senior year of high school. stop being deathly afraid of talking to people.
stop picking your nose and eating it with your other hand over your face. nobody buys the fake "i'm going to sneeze...oh, i lost it" move, although that was somewhat clever. instead, you just look weird and disgusting, which are both true, unless you cut it out. now.
stop waiting to do huge school projects until the night before and crying. mom will finish it for you because she feels bad and enables. when your biggest brother picks on you, he's just trying to make up for that. go to school with nothing and take the punishment you deserve. you'll realize it's not the end of the world. be less stupid and do your projects sooner instead of playing megaman.
also, when you move to the apartment and lose your bunk bed, sleep in your own bed. you don't need someone else in the room with you just to sleep, you'll be fine.
you'll have a couple friends, in spite of yourself. when they agree to play swords in your basement, that's called LARPing. it's cute now, and you'll quit at a respectable age. just don't miss it as much. and when those friends move away, go say goodbye. you'll be scared and you won't know why and resort to hiding like you are used to, but it will hurt their feelings and you will regret it if you don't.
stop feeling like you have to hide the fact that you have an autistic brother. i think it will lead to a bad habit of separating every part of your life from each other, which way harder and more damaging than it's worth. you don't have to do that, and you will feel better if you never start.
by the time you turn 11-12ish, you will realize how stupid you've been acting and become thoroughly embarrassed. you'll also hate your own stink, moobs, and body hair. all of this will make you want to shut everyone out even more, and that is the worst possible thing you can do. whatever you haven't caught and fixed before, do it now, and stop being so mortified about it. everyone does stupid things as a kid. so what if you did more? get over it. be more active, stop eating so much junk, make friends, and wear deodorant immediately.
start talking to girls. now. whoever will listen to you. get close with one of them. enough to start experimenting with. there are plenty in school and where you live that will give you the time of day. if you don't start now, you will just keep feeling less and less confident and it will get harder and harder to start, and the closest you will ever get to making out with someone is accidentally smacking faces with denise while playing in your living room. and learn to friggin dance. girls like that. this is your last chance to not end up a 300 lb mess with zero self-worth and no spine at 16. you will fix it before college, but not before damage is done that you can't seem to reverse.
this will hopefully stop your little problems from becoming bigger ones. but there are still key moments to watch out for:
stop at that last red light before turning right on the way back from your driving test. it's the only thing you failed on, and you will end up taking 3 more tries because it will get into your head.
a hot girl named nicole will hit on you at a work christmas party, and ask to go to a hockey game and then a movie. you'll fail miserably at both and she will be pissed for a while, but don't change this. it is better than the alternative of holding a grudge against you for life, which she tends to do. plus, she is too loud and hates hockey. this is not your match. but she will be a good friend.
when you are 22, you will be in a friend's basement where a very attractive girl named mel will be pissed at her husband and single you out. she will make it very clear through groping your body and smacking your ass that her intentions are to bang you. this is only because you are the only single guy there and she wants a revenge screw. this does not matter. you don't have a place to bring her, but she will go with you to get extra chips for the party, and you are to bang her in the car. this will never happen again. do not screw it up by talking her ear off until she's bored because you're too nervous to try anything. otherwise, my ass will remain sore from kicking it daily.
you'll fall for a girl named marie. she is broken too and you'll faceplant hard, but it's probably worth the lesson, so go ahead and do that.
when dustin asks you to try his motorcycle after you get the license, don't go 80 down his back road. it's slippery, you'll lay it down, and you'll end up having to buy him a new bike.
this isn't everything, but fix it and we'll both be a lot happier.
by the way, keep this letter, because there's a lot about screwing and stuff that you won't understand for a few years.
sincerely,
24 year old ryan
hey 8 year old me,
you're broken, and you will stay that way unless you make changes now. in fact, everything you don't fix now will just get worse when you grow up. follow my directions and we just might save each other:
do something besides play video games with every second of your free time. this will become a habit for critical years and make you a fat stupid shut in, a state you will remain in until senior year of high school. stop being deathly afraid of talking to people.
stop picking your nose and eating it with your other hand over your face. nobody buys the fake "i'm going to sneeze...oh, i lost it" move, although that was somewhat clever. instead, you just look weird and disgusting, which are both true, unless you cut it out. now.
stop waiting to do huge school projects until the night before and crying. mom will finish it for you because she feels bad and enables. when your biggest brother picks on you, he's just trying to make up for that. go to school with nothing and take the punishment you deserve. you'll realize it's not the end of the world. be less stupid and do your projects sooner instead of playing megaman.
also, when you move to the apartment and lose your bunk bed, sleep in your own bed. you don't need someone else in the room with you just to sleep, you'll be fine.
you'll have a couple friends, in spite of yourself. when they agree to play swords in your basement, that's called LARPing. it's cute now, and you'll quit at a respectable age. just don't miss it as much. and when those friends move away, go say goodbye. you'll be scared and you won't know why and resort to hiding like you are used to, but it will hurt their feelings and you will regret it if you don't.
stop feeling like you have to hide the fact that you have an autistic brother. i think it will lead to a bad habit of separating every part of your life from each other, which way harder and more damaging than it's worth. you don't have to do that, and you will feel better if you never start.
by the time you turn 11-12ish, you will realize how stupid you've been acting and become thoroughly embarrassed. you'll also hate your own stink, moobs, and body hair. all of this will make you want to shut everyone out even more, and that is the worst possible thing you can do. whatever you haven't caught and fixed before, do it now, and stop being so mortified about it. everyone does stupid things as a kid. so what if you did more? get over it. be more active, stop eating so much junk, make friends, and wear deodorant immediately.
start talking to girls. now. whoever will listen to you. get close with one of them. enough to start experimenting with. there are plenty in school and where you live that will give you the time of day. if you don't start now, you will just keep feeling less and less confident and it will get harder and harder to start, and the closest you will ever get to making out with someone is accidentally smacking faces with denise while playing in your living room. and learn to friggin dance. girls like that. this is your last chance to not end up a 300 lb mess with zero self-worth and no spine at 16. you will fix it before college, but not before damage is done that you can't seem to reverse.
this will hopefully stop your little problems from becoming bigger ones. but there are still key moments to watch out for:
stop at that last red light before turning right on the way back from your driving test. it's the only thing you failed on, and you will end up taking 3 more tries because it will get into your head.
a hot girl named nicole will hit on you at a work christmas party, and ask to go to a hockey game and then a movie. you'll fail miserably at both and she will be pissed for a while, but don't change this. it is better than the alternative of holding a grudge against you for life, which she tends to do. plus, she is too loud and hates hockey. this is not your match. but she will be a good friend.
when you are 22, you will be in a friend's basement where a very attractive girl named mel will be pissed at her husband and single you out. she will make it very clear through groping your body and smacking your ass that her intentions are to bang you. this is only because you are the only single guy there and she wants a revenge screw. this does not matter. you don't have a place to bring her, but she will go with you to get extra chips for the party, and you are to bang her in the car. this will never happen again. do not screw it up by talking her ear off until she's bored because you're too nervous to try anything. otherwise, my ass will remain sore from kicking it daily.
you'll fall for a girl named marie. she is broken too and you'll faceplant hard, but it's probably worth the lesson, so go ahead and do that.
when dustin asks you to try his motorcycle after you get the license, don't go 80 down his back road. it's slippery, you'll lay it down, and you'll end up having to buy him a new bike.
this isn't everything, but fix it and we'll both be a lot happier.
by the way, keep this letter, because there's a lot about screwing and stuff that you won't understand for a few years.
sincerely,
24 year old ryan