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Letter to your 17 year old self
#13
17 Year old Howie,

I'll keep this short and sweet. Don't be a stupid shy dick, nobody finds it cute. Make sure you ball up and ask out that hot sophmore, her dad is scary as hell but she puts out and he's pretty cool. You'll end up knocking up that girl (surprise)but, in the long run, it'll be the best thing that happens to you (won't seem like it at first). Join the Fire Department, you'll do it eventually but it's a good time.

Moral of the story:

Don't do a damn thing different, just relax and have fun. OH! and when you are 26 and shoveling snow off your roof...don't step through the skylight...it'll suck and you'll mar up your junk.
"Golf requires goofy pants and a fat ass. You should talk to my neighbor the accountant. Probably a great golfer. Huge ass!"
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