08-28-2009, 08:36 PM
Ok, let me think. Here is my top 3 ways I've gotten in trouble.
#1 "D.U.I." - 2001... Heading home from Nashville (The Flying Saucer) I was the DD and only had 2 beers and was driving my friend and I back to my apartment down Interstate 65, pulled off of the Franklin exit and bam! Blue lights. Was pulled over about 300 yards from my apartment. Police said there was an anonymous call of a black car running cars off the road (i was in a black cavalier at that time). Said the car reaked of alcohol, I pointed to my completely smashed friend in the passenger seat. Made me get out of the car, took 3 field tests and aced them all which pissed him off. But i refused the breathalizer which got me an implied consent charge and lost my license for a year. $5,000 in attorney fees and it got thrown out in court because it was proven i was not drunk.
On a side note, the cop was arrested 3 months later for running a child porn ring online
#2 "Latchkey Poop Door Smash" - I was around 12 years old and I was a latchkey kid, meaning the bus dropped me off before my parents got home from work and I had to use my key to get in the house myself (like anyone doesn't know what that means, but I feel the need to explain anyway). I had a bad day, it was report card day and my card was not up to par. Knowing an ass chewing was imminent and dreading that for sure. On the way home on the bus my stomach was cramping from the oh so healthy school lunch I had earlier that day (no idea what it was, but i'm sure it was salisbury steak or some shit like that). By the time I reached my destination I was in serious pain. Walked up to the door to let myself in, I reached in my pocket and realized I had no key! After about 10 minutes of pacing and breaking a sweat from the battle going on in my bowels, I walked to the back porch and looked through the kitchen window to see my key hanging there on the key holder...taunting me. I hit my breaking point and not wanting to shit myself, I kicked my backdoor squarely. Which split it right up the center and allowed me to squeeze in there and dash to the bathroom. I finished and then realized what I did and just pushed the pieces of the door back together and went on my merry way. Needless to say, my mother discovered it when she tried to open the back door and it fell apart. Me in true Tommy Boy fashion (years before it came out) said, "What'd you do???". She picked me up by my throat and reared her fist back, and i remember my dad yelling, "Don't hit him!! You'll kill him!!!".
#3 "Spoiled Kid Watermelon Smash" I was 4 years old. I wanted to go fishing with my grandfather at our pond. He had stuff to do that day and could not go. My young spoiled mind could not wrap around this and kiddie rage took affect. I walked out to his garden and proceeded to pick up and smash over 40 watermelons he was growing. I had to spend the entire next day cleaning up the garden and getting as many seeds from the smashed melons as possible to replant the patch (which I had to replant singlehandedly.)
Apologies for the length of this, but I felt details were required to efficiently describe the events.
#1 "D.U.I." - 2001... Heading home from Nashville (The Flying Saucer) I was the DD and only had 2 beers and was driving my friend and I back to my apartment down Interstate 65, pulled off of the Franklin exit and bam! Blue lights. Was pulled over about 300 yards from my apartment. Police said there was an anonymous call of a black car running cars off the road (i was in a black cavalier at that time). Said the car reaked of alcohol, I pointed to my completely smashed friend in the passenger seat. Made me get out of the car, took 3 field tests and aced them all which pissed him off. But i refused the breathalizer which got me an implied consent charge and lost my license for a year. $5,000 in attorney fees and it got thrown out in court because it was proven i was not drunk.
On a side note, the cop was arrested 3 months later for running a child porn ring online
#2 "Latchkey Poop Door Smash" - I was around 12 years old and I was a latchkey kid, meaning the bus dropped me off before my parents got home from work and I had to use my key to get in the house myself (like anyone doesn't know what that means, but I feel the need to explain anyway). I had a bad day, it was report card day and my card was not up to par. Knowing an ass chewing was imminent and dreading that for sure. On the way home on the bus my stomach was cramping from the oh so healthy school lunch I had earlier that day (no idea what it was, but i'm sure it was salisbury steak or some shit like that). By the time I reached my destination I was in serious pain. Walked up to the door to let myself in, I reached in my pocket and realized I had no key! After about 10 minutes of pacing and breaking a sweat from the battle going on in my bowels, I walked to the back porch and looked through the kitchen window to see my key hanging there on the key holder...taunting me. I hit my breaking point and not wanting to shit myself, I kicked my backdoor squarely. Which split it right up the center and allowed me to squeeze in there and dash to the bathroom. I finished and then realized what I did and just pushed the pieces of the door back together and went on my merry way. Needless to say, my mother discovered it when she tried to open the back door and it fell apart. Me in true Tommy Boy fashion (years before it came out) said, "What'd you do???". She picked me up by my throat and reared her fist back, and i remember my dad yelling, "Don't hit him!! You'll kill him!!!".
#3 "Spoiled Kid Watermelon Smash" I was 4 years old. I wanted to go fishing with my grandfather at our pond. He had stuff to do that day and could not go. My young spoiled mind could not wrap around this and kiddie rage took affect. I walked out to his garden and proceeded to pick up and smash over 40 watermelons he was growing. I had to spend the entire next day cleaning up the garden and getting as many seeds from the smashed melons as possible to replant the patch (which I had to replant singlehandedly.)
Apologies for the length of this, but I felt details were required to efficiently describe the events.