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Happy Birthday Philly Mike!
#1
I have no idea if you're an Eagles fan or not, but you're from Philly (or nearby, rather), so here's your cake. Hope you like buttercream frosting.

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Everyday you reinvent yourself into a bigger cock-shite than ever. It's incredible. I don't know how you do it. I admire you.

I think that this situation absolutely requires a really futile and stupid gesture be done on somebody's part.
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