11-25-2009, 08:46 PM
I'm BACK!
Q. What do you call a white man surrounded by Indians? A. Bartender.
What's black and blue and doesn't like sex......The little boy in my basement.
Q. What's the difference between a dead baby and a rock? A. You can't fuck a rock.
I was walking through the cemetery the other day, and saw a guy crouching down behind a tombstone. "Morning," I said. "No, just taking a shit."
An astronomer is on an expedition to darkest Africa to observe a total eclipse of the sun, which will only be observable there, when cannibals capture him. The eclipse is due the next day around noon. To gain his freedom he plans to pose as a "GOD" and threaten to extinguish the sun if he's not released, but the timing has to be just right. So, in the few words of the cannibals' primitive tongue that he knows, he asks his guard what time they plan to kill him. The guard's answered, "Tradition has it that captives are to be killed when the sun reaches the highest point in the sky on the day after their capture so that they may be cooked and ready to be served for the evening meal." "Great," the astronomer replies. The guard continues, though, "But because everyone's so fucking excited about it, in your case we're going to wait until after the eclipse."
Q. What do you call a white man surrounded by Indians? A. Bartender.
What's black and blue and doesn't like sex......The little boy in my basement.
Q. What's the difference between a dead baby and a rock? A. You can't fuck a rock.
I was walking through the cemetery the other day, and saw a guy crouching down behind a tombstone. "Morning," I said. "No, just taking a shit."
An astronomer is on an expedition to darkest Africa to observe a total eclipse of the sun, which will only be observable there, when cannibals capture him. The eclipse is due the next day around noon. To gain his freedom he plans to pose as a "GOD" and threaten to extinguish the sun if he's not released, but the timing has to be just right. So, in the few words of the cannibals' primitive tongue that he knows, he asks his guard what time they plan to kill him. The guard's answered, "Tradition has it that captives are to be killed when the sun reaches the highest point in the sky on the day after their capture so that they may be cooked and ready to be served for the evening meal." "Great," the astronomer replies. The guard continues, though, "But because everyone's so fucking excited about it, in your case we're going to wait until after the eclipse."
I'm so goth, I shit bats.