LAST ONE TO POST WINS!

[lokizilla]

Cute joke...not as good as how to entertain a man.....Just lift a shirt or swish a butt.

[imatoolhed]

mines funny, yours is true

[imatoolhed]

A Letter from Men to Women

To all women,
On behalf of all men I would like to clarify a few points:

* The floor is considered an acceptable clothing storage location.
* Never ask me to purchase feminine products. Assume that I will come home with the wrong thing.
* When watching TV hugging is always fine because I can still see the screen. Kissing should only be done during timeouts and commercials. Questions should also be limited to this period as you stand a much better chance of getting an immediate response.
* When we are watching your show and I change the channels during a commercial do not hassle me that they are over to change the channel back. I always know when the timing is right. Also, when we are channel surfing do not ask me to go back, there was a good reason why I skipped it.
* If you need help with the laundry, I am more than willing to carry it from the bedroom to the washer. In my mind this is half the chore and I am now free to return to the couch.
* If I mention that a male friend of mine is allowed to do something it is not necessary for you to call his wife/girlfriend to discuss it.
* If you don't like the way I am driving close your eyes. And I would appreciate it if you would refrain from making that reverse inhaling alarmed noise. I haven't hit anything yet and if I do it will be your fault.
* I go clothes shopping to buy, never to look.
* Just tell me what you want me to wear before I get dressed. And remember that this takes me less than ten minutes no matter what the occasion is. After all I am getting dressed, not getting ready.
* Don't ask me if I prefer one outfit over another or if a certain accessory should be worn or not. I consider this a no win situation and would rather just wait for you to get dressed while watching TV.
* If you want me to put the seat down when I am finished then you should leave the seat up when you are finished. It's only fair. And stop giving me a hard time about missing the bowl. What do you expect from an organ that has a brain of its own.
* I will cook anything as long as it is on the BBQ.
* Yelling to me across the house sounds exactly like stadium crowd background noise to me. I am not ignoring you.

Thank you for your understanding,
From all men.

[-Jiggy-]

* If you don't like the way I am driving close your eyes. And I would appreciate it if you would refrain from making that reverse inhaling alarmed noise. I haven't hit anything yet and if I do it will be your fault.

My wife does that thing with her leg where she is trying to pump an invisible brake. Most of the time I ignore but sometimes I just gotta laugh at her. I tell her, "Hey relax. It's me in control!" This does not usually comfort her.

[imatoolhed]

Also, when we are channel surfing do not ask me to go back, there was a good reason why I skipped it.

i laughed

[lokizilla]

Hmm....my husband leaves the toilet seat down for me all the time. I was actually shocked to see it up after his brother used it when he visited right after thanksgiving. First time ever up in 3 yrs of us being married. My husband is always the one that gets on to me about my clothes in the floor.

[Queenie]

NINE WORDS WOMEN USE

(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' . That will bring on a 'whatever').

(8) Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying Eff YOU!

(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.

[lokizilla]

Usually at 9, a man is in a lot of danger, and must do what is needed to appease his woman, or hurting might ensue. LOL

[linzi]

A Note For All Men

After carefully reading your note, women decided to address some issues of our own...pretend it's a hockey game and pay attention:

*If the floor is an acceptable clothing location then you are not allowed to bitch when your pants haven't been washed in god knows how long...if the kids can find the hamper, so can you.
*If you have been with us longer than 4 monthly cycles then it should be stored in your long term memory what products we need and when we need them so be prepared to bring them home ahead of time to solve all problems.
*Same rules apply when we are watching our shows. Ask your questions later as well. You know you do it too...........
*The reason why we want you to stay on the channel when there is a commercial is you seem to forget what we were watching before and you never turn it back in time, only to miss the part we were waiting for when the commercial started.
*As long as you help with the laundry it's all good.
*We can call and discuss any thing we want....were women and we talk, get over it already. You don't want us talking to other wives/ girlfriends, then maybe YOU should talk to us...just a suggestion.
*Why don't you try driving with some sense if you don't like our response. It's not a NASCAR track, there are families on the road. Drive like a bat out of hell when we are not with you. Problem solved.
*After seeing some of your shirts, you might want to start LOOKING then shopping and don't forget to try your stuff on...takes 10 mins. and you can make sure it fits to avoid any unnecessary trips to the mall for returns.This should help with the telling you what to wear also.
*Usually we ask because when we don't and we arrive somewhere you always, without fail, say "why are you wearing that?"
*You need to put the seat down because sometimes it's dark and we really have to go and don't always look and it's a cold, wet place to sit and it saves any further arguments so just do it already. get over it.
*If you sprinkle when you tinkle, please be neat and wipe the seat.
*There is a wide variety of items to cook on the BBQ, try something other than hamburgers...
*YOU KNOW YOU YELL FROM ACROSS THE HOUSE TOO. We'll both have to work on this one.
*Also, try looking at our faces when talking to us...the boobies will not talk back to you. The 2 words you need to use everyday to have a good marriage is YES DEAR. Regardless. Don't try to win the argument, make your point, try to be right, it's useless. We will always be right, even if we're wrong...which we'll never admit and you're not allowed to bring up. Ever.
*Foreplay is more than saying "hey lets eff." You put a little effort into our sex life, so will we.

Thanks for your understanding,
The Women

[Queenie]

Exalt!!

[lokizilla]

Exalt

[fustercluck]

Women don't need watches because there is a clock on the stove

[linzi]

maybe you need to find toolhead or jiggy so y'all can decide who's turn it is to use the brain.

[lokizilla]

The brain isn't that large, that's why it is kept below the belt in a safe place.

[-Jiggy-]

maybe you need to find toolhead or jiggy so y'all can decide who's turn it is to use the brain.

..wait how did I get dragged into this bra burning session. I'm married. I've heard alot of these rules from my wife. Don't you start on me too!

[lokizilla]

maybe you need to find toolhead or jiggy so y'all can decide who's turn it is to use the brain.

..wait how did I get dragged into this bra burning session. I'm married. I've heard alot of these rules from my wife. Don't you start on me too!

Do you follow them? LOL

[-Jiggy-]

..wait how did I get dragged into this bra burning session. I'm married. I've heard alot of these rules from my wife. Don't you start on me too!

Do you follow them? LOL

...no maam, not always.

[lokizilla]

Do you follow them? LOL

...no maam, not always.

Don't worry we all fall in that position.

[fustercluck]

women have small feet so they can stand closer to the sink, right?

[lokizilla]

women have small feet so they can stand closer to the sink, right?

Nope, we have small feet were men can get kicked full on and they don't see it coming. LOL

[Mad Dog]

I'm just saying that with the record for the board, the women win more than the men do, so the guys might as well give up and let the women dominate them like usual.

For the record, that was how my daughter was conceived.

[lokizilla]

Got to say that is funny.

[plumpenut]

gotta love it!

[lokizilla]

Always got to love it.

[imatoolhed]

ITS A TRAP!!

[lokizilla]

It's always a trap...."Come into my web, says the spider"

[shawnp]

Well, you guys aren't going to win with me around.....

[-Jiggy-]

I just might!

[imatoolhed]

no, i will

[linzi]

whatever.

[lokizilla]

Yep, it's going to be fun today.

[linzi]

well.......do you have any news for us lokizilla?

[lokizilla]

The news is the I get to try to have more fun. No baby...husband cried. Now not only do I have to deal with trying to get my body fertile, I have an over emotional husband to deal with for a couple months. He went through the house and hid anything that was baby related last night.

[linzi]

I'm so sorry. Truly I am. I wish there was something I could do or say to make you feel better but I'm sure you've heard it all before. Things about time healing all wounds, it'll happen when you least expect it, all things happen for a reason....but it is all true. You and your husband will start to feel better in time, and who knows? You always hear of people conceiving when they weren't even trying and stressing over it. I know you have great things for you in the future and I will be praying for you and your husband. And again, I'm sorry things didn't work out for you guys.
~Linzi

[lokizilla]

I'm so sorry. Truly I am. I wish there was something I could do or say to make you feel better but I'm sure you've heard it all before. Things about time healing all wounds, it'll happen when you least expect it, all things happen for a reason....but it is all true. You and your husband will start to feel better in time, and who knows? You always hear of people conceiving when they weren't even trying and stressing over it. I know you have great things for you in the future and I will be praying for you and your husband. And again, I'm sorry things didn't work out for you guys.
~Linzi

Thank you...it helps. More than most would say. I've seen people get mad over offerings of hope, when they are in pain. But it gives me encouragement.

[linzi]

the last thing I would do is try to make you mad. I am sorry and I only wish the very best for you and your husband....if it was up to me, I'd let you win this thread.

[lokizilla]

the last thing I would do is try to make you mad. I am sorry and I only wish the very best for you and your husband....if it was up to me, I'd let you win this thread.

No, you didn't make me mad. I said unlike most people hit with this, it would make them mad, you have given me hope. Hope is the totally opposite of mad. You cheered me up.

[lokizilla]

Yeah, and I don't want to win out of pity or something sad happening. I want to win to beat the guys out of my own stubbornness.

[linzi]

Well then you go girl with your bad self......but you're still gonna have to beat me!!!!

[imatoolhed]

The news is the I get to try to have more fun. No baby...husband cried. Now not only do I have to deal with trying to get my body fertile, I have an over emotional husband to deal with for a couple months. He went through the house and hid anything that was baby related last night.

;(

well have fun while you keep trying... it will happen... the baby i mean

not you winning this thread

I am sorry and I only wish the very best for you and your husband....if it was up to me, I'd let you win this thread.

or you