Ask Howie

[Howie Feltersnatch]

Dear Mr. Snatch

What's a beej ? And does your wife refer to herself as Mrs. Snatch ?

Beej (noun, verb)

pronounciation: beeeej

synonyms: BJ, BlowJ, Mouth Party

[Titan!]

Oh a blow J, I get it.

[Titan!]

I need to buy a new wallet. Do you have any suggestions ? In this economy one can't be too careful when considering purchasing such an item.

[Howie Feltersnatch]

I need to buy a new wallet. Do you have any suggestions ? In this economy one can't be too careful when considering purchasing such an item.

I recently bought a front pocket wallet similar to this one. It doesn't fold but has compartments for a drivers license and secondary ID that is fairly clear, and on the back there are a few card slots for credit/debit cards, insurance cards or whatever. It also has middle section for misc items like rubbers, money, and pictures of people who love you (i carry non of these as I haven't them)

[Philly Mike]

I need to buy a new wallet. Do you have any suggestions ? In this economy one can't be too careful when considering purchasing such an item.

you can always go the same route i did

[0rz0ski]

Sweeeeet.

[Titan!]

I am no where near cool enough to have an old school Nintendo wallet

[potthole]

Mr. Pink Truck,

Why do girls have things called ham wallets? Can't they just put their pig meat into a purse, like everything else?

[Howie Feltersnatch]

Mr. Pink Truck,

Why do girls have things called ham wallets? Can't they just put their pig meat into a purse, like everything else?

Prof. Chaos,

I'm not really sure why woman need ham wallets or roastbeef curtains, nor do I understand why they would tuck burnt lasagna in their skirts. :wtf:

[linzi]

Dear Mr. Snatch,
What do you do when you get that 'not-so-fresh' feeling....my, ummm, sister wants to know. Yeah, that's it...my aunt, I mean, sister.... :oops:
Feelin' Funky in NC

[Howie Feltersnatch]

Dear Mr. Snatch,
What do you do when you get that 'not-so-fresh' feeling....my, ummm, sister wants to know. Yeah, that's it...my aunt, I mean, sister.... :oops:
Feelin' Funky in NC

I have no clue...but i'm suddenly feeling ill....

[Titan!]

Dear Howie,

There's this kid in my class that keeps putting pictures of dicks in my desk and I think I want to kick him in the face but I don't want to get caught and get kicked out cause the principal said that if I fight again I'll get expelled and my mom will make me go to the alternative high school where all the kids smoke and id probably get in more fights so I think I'll just wait till no ones looking and punch him in the face or cut him with a knife.

[Philly Mike]

dear howie, in the chronicles of riddick what vertebrae was it that he stated would paralyze you if it was broken?

[Howie Feltersnatch]

dear howie, in the chronicles of riddick what vertebrae was it that he stated would paralyze you if it was broken?

Mike,

The answer is the third vertebrate in the weiner spine. Prove me wrong.

[Howie Feltersnatch]

Dear Howie,

There's this kid in my class that keeps putting pictures of dicks in my desk and I think I want to kick him in the face but I don't want to get caught and get kicked out cause the principal said that if I fight again I'll get expelled and my mom will make me go to the alternative high school where all the kids smoke and id probably get in more fights so I think I'll just wait till no ones looking and punch him in the face or cut him with a knife.

Sounds like you've got it all planned out. What do you need me for?

[0rz0ski]

Dear Mr. Snatch,

What do you think about Dodge Durangos? Should I buy one?

Too lazy to Carfax in GR

[Titan!]

Dear Howie,

There's this kid in my class that keeps putting pictures of dicks in my desk and I think I want to kick him in the face but I don't want to get caught and get kicked out cause the principal said that if I fight again I'll get expelled and my mom will make me go to the alternative high school where all the kids smoke and id probably get in more fights so I think I'll just wait till no ones looking and punch him in the face or cut him with a knife.

Sounds like you've got it all planned out. What do you need me for?

Nothing Dbag, it's not all about you

[Howie Feltersnatch]

Long O,

I've heard mixed reviews about the Durangos. The country folks (farmers) that I've talked to didn't like them, but they were using them almost as you would a truck, hauling and towing. The city folks (soccer moms) that I have heard from that were using them mostly for hauling kids and groceries.

You being a young, soon to be, newly wed would cause me to assume you'll probably use it for a family car and not hauling a boat or towing a wagon load of hay. You may be delighted to know that the Durangos have fold down back seats and have almost 200 cubic feet of cab space, which would be perfect for newly weds that like to pull off the interstate and scrump in public places. The rear windows come standard with mild window tinting, darker tinting is an option, which will help keep the sun from beating in on your husbands, presumably, white ass while you are neckin' as well as keep you cool if you decide to stay for a while without leaving the AC rolling. Also for colder days the rear window has an auto-defog feature and the V8 power warms up quickly so that you can quickly defrost the windshield on cold days when the Parks ranger is hot on your tail.

Hope this helps.

[Mad Dog]

Dear Dr Snatch.

I have a new problem. When I went on vacation, some of the douches at work stole some of my tools and I had to ask for replacement tools. Some one had the bright idea to color cordinate our tools to the line we are in so they will be instantly recognizable as tools for our line. One line gets green. One line gets blue. And so on and so forth. My line, no shit, gets Hot Pink. So now all my tools are going to get painted Hot Pink. Please give me some ideas as to how to deal with the gayness of having to work with hot pink tools all day.

[Howie Feltersnatch]

Doggy,

Haven't had to deal with gayness to much as I am not such, but i'm sure if you just relax and let it happen it'll end quickly. As for hot pink tools, my tool isn't typically 'hot pink'. It will ocassionally get hot to which i use the green bottled Gold Bond and it is usually a pinkish color. The real concern is when it turns really deep purple. If your working with a purple tool you really need to loosen the grip.

[Opus]

Dear Howie Mandel,

Theres this girl at work that likes me, and she is kind of cute and has a great body. I know she likes me because she flirts with me all the time, and she actually asked me out. The problem is, is that she never has time between work and school to actually go out.

So.. I guess my question is.. do I take the offer from the banker, or stick to my guns and go for the million bucks?

[Howie Feltersnatch]

Dear Howie Mandel,

Theres this girl at work that likes me, and she is kind of cute and has a great body. I know she likes me because she flirts with me all the time, and she actually asked me out. The problem is, is that she never has time between work and school to actually go out.

So.. I guess my question is.. do I take the offer from the banker, or stick to my guns and go for the million bucks?

I'm sorry what? I wasn't paying attention....too busy trying to remember all those girls' effing names!

did i mention my new show Howie Do-it? <!-- w --><a class="postlink" href="http://www.nbc.com/howiedo-it" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">www.nbc.com/howiedo-it</a><!-- w -->

[BWN 7]

Howmeister,

Did you really feel her snatch? And if so, how did you do so?

- No Game in GR

[Howie Feltersnatch]

No Game,

I tripped :thumbup:

Lucky in Lawrence

[Philly Mike]

hello mr snatch

Good morning. In less than an hour, aircraft from here will join others from around the world. And you will be launching the largest aerial battle in this history of mankind.

Mankind -- that word should have new meaning for all of us today.

We can't be consumed by our petty differences anymore.

We will be united in our common interests.



Perhaps its fate that today is the 4th of July, and you will once again be fighting for our freedom, not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution -- but from annihilation.

We're fighting for our right to live, to exist.

And should we win the day, the 4th of July will no longer be known as an American holiday, but as the day when the world declared in one voice:

"We will not go quietly into the night!

We will not vanish without a fight!

We're going to live on!

We're going to survive!"

Today, we celebrate our Independence Day!

With this in mind, why do people actually buy kids bop CDs?

[Titan!]

Dear Howie Mandel,

Theres this girl at work that likes me, and she is kind of cute and has a great body. I know she likes me because she flirts with me all the time, and she actually asked me out. The problem is, is that she never has time between work and school to actually go out.

So.. I guess my question is.. do I take the offer from the banker, or stick to my guns and go for the million bucks?

Dude, you roll those dice and you go for the million bucks ! F the banker !

[Titan!]

Dear Howie.

You're gay.


Titan in Kentwood.

[Torque]

Dear Howie,

Do I cut the red or blue wire?

[Titan!]

Dear Howie, there's this girl I really like. How do I get her to let me past 2nd base ?

[-Jiggy-]

Dear Howie, there's this girl I really like. How do I get her to let me past 2nd base ?

[Titan!]

Dear Howie, there's this girl I really like. How do I get her to let me past 2nd base ?

I should try to go at her face first ?

[Howie Feltersnatch]

hello mr snatch

why do people actually buy kids bop CDs?

• I have no effing clue why anyone in their right mind would purchase these cd's. My wife buys them for my boy and he absolutely loves them. I'm begining to beleive there are subliminal messages embedded into the recordings, possibly put their by aliens, or the government, or even an alien government trying out a new mind control technique.
  
  I gotta go figure out who my son keeps talking to....Glandig the Supreme Being....must be a new comic he's reading or something :wtf:

Dear Howie,

Do I cut the red or blue wire?

• 
  

What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhino?

Elliphino!

[BWN 7]

Dr Howie,

How will Titan! feel if his Post Whoring is trumped by some noob? Will his mullet curl up in the back with rage if he sees someone else's name on every board on the Index page?


Mischievous in Muskegon

[Howie Feltersnatch]

Dr Howie,

How will Titan! feel if his Post Whoring is trumped by some noob? Will his mullet curl up in the back with rage if he sees someone else's name on every board on the Index page?


Mischievous in Muskegon

I think he's getting comfortable with being outdone. I've outposted him, PhillyMike and Maddog hit on the ladies more than he does, and there are a few members that piss off the mods way more than he does. He needs to just face facts...aside from his deviant photography he's simply part of the group...one in a mob...nothing special...

So basically, he'll just continue to sob, eat doritos and edit photos of neked chicks that most of us wish we could see.....damn that last part

[Philly Mike]

Dr Howie,

How will Titan! feel if his Post Whoring is trumped by some noob? Will his mullet curl up in the back with rage if he sees someone else's name on every board on the Index page?


Mischievous in Muskegon

I think he's getting comfortable with being outdone. I've outposted him, PhillyMike and Maddog hit on the ladies more than he does, and there are a few members that piss off the mods way more than he does. He needs to just face facts...aside from his deviant photography he's simply part of the group...one in a mob...nothing special...

So basically, he'll just continue to sob, eat doritos and edit photos of neked chicks that most of us wish we could see.....damn that last part

I have only seen him reference getting paid to stare at naked chicks. I assumed it was him making deposits to the sperm bank... now there is nothing wrong with that. those places have high requirements for their donors. so that says he has to be somewhat smart... but then again he probably used the coke bottle cheating method to get past that test.

[Titan!]

Dear Howie, there's this guy on this message board that I post at who is starting to be a dick. How should I handle that ?

[Philly Mike]

Dear Howie, there's this guy on this message board that I post at who is starting to be a dick. How should I handle that ?

you could always add me to your foe list ...

[Howie Feltersnatch]

Dear Howie, there's this guy on this message board that I post at who is starting to be a dick. How should I handle that ?

What a jerkface he must be....

have you tryed sending him money?

I'd guess that $20/month will be enough.

[BWN 7]

Dear Howie,

Have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight?


Sincerely,

BWN 7

[Titan!]

Dear Mr. Snatch.

Who led the NBA in rebounds for the 82 season ?