08-20-2009, 09:09 PM
A man walks into a doctors office and says "I'm a wig wam. I'm a tent. I'm a wigwam. I'm a tent".
The doctor says "relax, you're too tense".
The doctor says "relax, you're too tense".
Go fuck yourself. Hard.
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Stupid jokes
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08-20-2009, 10:15 PM
A horse sits down at a bar. The bartender takes one look at him and goes "Why the long face?"
"What you are about to see is top secret. Do not tell my mother."
08-21-2009, 06:44 AM
zdunklee Wrote:Sarah Jessica Parker sits down at a bar. The bartender takes one look at her and goes "Why the long face?" 
08-21-2009, 06:53 AM
What's the difference between jam and jelly?
I can't jelly my dick down your throat!
That's what she said.
08-21-2009, 07:36 AM
What did the fish say when he swam into the wall?
Dam! 
08-21-2009, 08:59 AM
What kind of phone does a turtle use?
A SHELL phone!
Everyday you reinvent yourself into a bigger cock-shite than ever. It's incredible. I don't know how you do it. I admire you.
I think that this situation absolutely requires a really futile and stupid gesture be done on somebody's part. 
08-21-2009, 09:04 AM
Did you ever blow bubbles as a kid?
Yes?, well he's back in town and wants your number.
"Golf requires goofy pants and a fat ass. You should talk to my neighbor the accountant. Probably a great golfer. Huge ass!"
08-21-2009, 10:29 AM
3 friends - 2 straight guys and a gay guy and their significant others were on a cruise. A tidal wave came up and swamped the ship; they all drowned, and next thing you know, they're standing before St. Peter.
First came one of the straight guys and his wife. St. Peter shook his head sadly. "I can't let you in. You loved money too much. You loved it so much, you even married a woman named Penny." Then came the second straight guy. "Sorry, can't let you in, either. You loved food too much. You loved to eat so much, you even married a woman named Candy!" The gay guy turned to his boyfriend and whispered nervously, "It doesn't look good, Dick."
Wiener Poopie 2.0! Now fatter and less credible!
08-21-2009, 10:51 AM
Three midgets are walking down the sidewalk and come across the Guiness Book of World Records office. The first little fella says:
"I bet I have the world record smallest hands" and went inside to check it out. The second little fella says: "I bet I have the world record smallest feet" and went inside to check it out. The third little fella says: "I bet I have the world record smallest dick" and went inside to check it out. The first little fella came back out and says: "WOO HOO, world record smallest hands!" The second little fella came back out and says: "WOO HOO, world record smallest feet!" The third little fella came back out and says: "Who the fuck is Pothole?"
"Golf requires goofy pants and a fat ass. You should talk to my neighbor the accountant. Probably a great golfer. Huge ass!"
08-21-2009, 10:56 AM
3 guys; RockMonster, Fistor, and WienerPoopie all die in a horrific car accident and are standing at the gates with St. Peter.
St. Peter tells the guys that they can do just about anything they want in Heaven, aside the normal heavy sins, as long as they don't mess with God's ducks, God really loves ducks. They all agree. After a few Days WienerPoopie is seen walking around with the ugliest, smelliest woman you would ever see handcuffed to him. When asked what happens he replies: "Fucking Ducks, I accidentally stepped on one, she's my punishment" A few days later Fistor is seen walking around with a big flaming gay guy handcuffed to him, the guy is constantly grabbing Fistor's ass and Fistor is constantly fighting the guy off. When asked what had happened he replies: "Son of a bitch, I accidentally killed a duck when I tripped over one. This guy is my punishment" Again a few days later RockMonster is seen walking around with a 2 chicks that would be classified as Uber-Hot Super Model types. They're each handcuffed to one of his wrists and are following him around everywhere. When asked what had happened for the three of them to be handcuffed together the girls quickly reply: "Fucking Ducks"
"Golf requires goofy pants and a fat ass. You should talk to my neighbor the accountant. Probably a great golfer. Huge ass!"
08-21-2009, 11:05 AM
Howie Feltersnatch Wrote:Three midgets are walking down the sidewalk and come across the Guiness Book of World Records office. The first little fella says: :lol: :lol:
Hey doc, do you know the address of that place?
Oh, you know, I do know the address. It's at the corner of go fuck yourself and buy a map!
08-21-2009, 11:12 AM
Did you guys hear about the school bus of Catholic Schoolgirls that crashed into a ravine with no survivors? Well apparently they were all in line at the gates to enter single file when St. Peter asked who had touched a real life penis.
A girl stepped up and said: "I've touched a penis with this finger..." St. Peter replied, "dip that finger in the holy water and you may enter" A second girl stepped up and said: "I've touched a penis with this entire hand..." St. Peter replied, "dip that hand in the holy water and you may enter" suddenly there was a big ruccus in the back of the line as a girl pushed her way to the front. St. Peter asked what was going on to which the girl replied: "If I have to gargle that water I want to do it before Tammy dips her asshole in it!"
"Golf requires goofy pants and a fat ass. You should talk to my neighbor the accountant. Probably a great golfer. Huge ass!"
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