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 Displaying 1-25 of 46 messages in this thread. |
| Posted By | Discussion Topic: MARTIAN JOKES A LA OPIE | ||||
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| GonzoStyle | posted on 04-16-2001 @ 4:26 PM |    | |||
| Hanger-On Registered: Jan. 70  | well opie had a good martian joke... well lets help him out First off my problem with martians is that if i knew they would be so torublesome i would have picked my own cotton...err i mean dilythium crystals. how do you starve a martian? put his welfare check in his work boots. how does a martian prevent a rape? he changes his mind keep em coming boys i am sure you got some martian jokes  Have you come here for forgiveness Have you come to raise the dead Have you come here to play Jesus To the lepers in your head She-Mail Me Here | ||||
| Rone | posted on 04-16-2001 @ 4:29 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Jan. 01 | whats long and hard on a martian? third grade what do you get a martian for her 13th birthday? a baby carriage whats one thing you can't give a martian? a fat lip  This message was edited by Rone on 4-16-01 @ 4:36 PM | ||||
| GonzoStyle | posted on 04-16-2001 @ 4:32 PM | | |||
| Hanger-On Registered: Jan. 70 | -What's the difference between a Martian and a Bucket of Shit? The Bucket. -How do Martians get Suntans? By lifting up their Hands. -What do you call 100 Martians people jumping off a plane? A Mud Slide. -How long does it take for a Martian Women to take a Shit? Nine Months. -Why are martians so Tall? Because They're martians. -There is a Martian and a Mexican guy in a car…who’s driving? The Cop. -What do you call two Male Martians in a bed? Twix. -Why is Stevie Wonder always smiling? Because he doesn't know he's a martian. -What do you call a Martian in a porsche? A Theif -What do the KKK and steroids have in common? They both make Martians run faster. -Why do white people go to a Martians yard sales? To get their stuff back. what.......? put the bell down we are talking about martians right? Have you come here for forgiveness Have you come to raise the dead Have you come here to play Jesus To the lepers in your head She-Mail Me Here | ||||
| Arthur Dent | posted on 04-16-2001 @ 4:32 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Nov. 00 | Martian sex The year is 2222 and Mike and Maureen land on Mars after accumulating enough air points. They meet a Martian couple and are talking about all sorts of things. Mike asks if Mars has a stock market, if they have laptop computers, and all things about how they make money. Finally Maureen brought up the subject of sex. 'Just how do you guys do it?' asks Maureen. 'Pretty much the way you do,' responds the Martian woman. Discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to swap partners for the night and experience one another. Maureen and the male Martian go off to a bedroom, where the Martian strips. He's got a teeny, weeny member about 2 cm long and 1 cm thick. `I don't think this is going to work,' says Maureen. 'Why?' he asks, 'What's the matter?' 'Well.' she replies. 'it's just not long enough to reach me!' 'No problem,' he says, and proceeds to slap his forehead with his palm. With each slap of his forehead, his member grows until it's quite impressively long. 'Well,' she says, 'that's quite impressive, but it's still pretty narrow.' 'No problem,' he says and starts pulling his ears. With each pull his member grows wider and wider until the entire measurement is extremely exciting to the woman. 'Wow!' she exclaims, and they fell into bed and make mad, passionate love. The next day the couples rejoin their normal partners and go their separate ways. As they walk along, Mike asks Maureen, 'Well, was it any good?' 'I hate to say it,' says Maureen, 'but it was pretty wonderful. How about you?' 'It was horrible,' he replies. 'All I got was a headache. All she kept doing the whole time was slapping my forehead and pulling my ears.' That's what you meant, right?  'Anyone who is capable of being elected president should on no account be allowed to do the job' - The hitchhikers guide to the galaxy Arthur smiled at him wanly and shrugged again. He turned and smiled wanly at the rest of the pub just in case any of them had heard what was going on. None of them had, and none of them could understand what he was smiling at them for. | ||||
| sexbagel ANDREW WdeeK PARTY HARD! POSTS WHEN RELEVANT. | posted on 04-16-2001 @ 4:35 PM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Nov. 00 | How do you keep a martain from robbing your house? Put a 'Help Wanted' sign in the window.
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| Rone | posted on 04-16-2001 @ 4:37 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Jan. 01 | why can't ray charles read? because he's a martian how many martians does it take to clean a bathroom? none, thats the puerto rican's job what do you call three martians in a shed? antique farm equipment ding, ding, ding....i thought we were just having fun. | ||||
| FoundryMusicJeff | posted on 04-16-2001 @ 4:39 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Jan. 01 | How do you know when a Martian's visited your local beach? Check for the 10 evenly spaced grooves in the sand. Bone dry. I have the Joe Dirt mullet.  | ||||
| Doc Smith I Love Anthony Zinni | posted on 04-16-2001 @ 4:39 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Sep. 00 | What do you call a martian in a suit Defendant  | ||||
| sexbagel ANDREW WdeeK PARTY HARD! POSTS WHEN RELEVANT. | posted on 04-16-2001 @ 4:42 PM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Nov. 00 | Didn't we learn early in the shows start that Opie have a thing for Martian Love?
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| HummerLovin I hope people forgot that I went home with Sandy Kane one night | posted on 04-16-2001 @ 4:44 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Oct. 00 | A little Q & A Q: What was the name of the father on the Jetsons? A: George Q: What was the name of his daughter? A: Judy Q: What was the name of his son? A: Elroy Q: What was the name of the Martian on the Jetsons? A: .....there is no Martian on the Jetsons.... Ain't the future great!! [fuck sig pics]I'm fucking sick of the hassle[/fuck sig pics] "My life is miserable so FUCK YOU!!!" | ||||
| GonzoStyle | posted on 04-16-2001 @ 4:46 PM | | |||
| Hanger-On Registered: Jan. 70 | GET THE FUCKIN BELL!!!!!!! -How do you keep Martians out of your back yard? Hang one in the front!! -Why do Martians wear hats covering their face? so the birds don't shit on their lips. -How do you know Adam and Eve weren't martians? Ever try and take a rib from a martian? -Why don't Martians like blowjobs? They don't like any jobs. -Why do Martians smell so bad? So the blind can hate them too. -What's the most confusing day in Martian Land? Father's day. -Why do Martians wear white gloves? So they don't bite their fingers eating tootsie rolls. -What do you call a Martian with no arms? Trustworthy. -Why do Martian women where high heels? So their knuckles don't drag. -Whats wrong with 5 martians driving a Cadillac off of a cliff? The car holds 6. -How do you get a Martian out of a tree? Cut the rope. Have you come here for forgiveness Have you come to raise the dead Have you come here to play Jesus To the lepers in your head She-Mail Me Here | ||||
| Rone | posted on 04-16-2001 @ 4:48 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Jan. 01 | what would you call the flintstones if they were black? martians | ||||
| GonzoStyle | posted on 04-16-2001 @ 5:05 PM | | |||
| Hanger-On Registered: Jan. 70 | quote: dude that is wrong lets not start any black jokes... Have you come here for forgiveness Have you come to raise the dead Have you come here to play Jesus To the lepers in your head She-Mail Me Here | ||||
| sexbagel ANDREW WdeeK PARTY HARD! POSTS WHEN RELEVANT. | posted on 04-16-2001 @ 5:13 PM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Nov. 00 | how many martians does it take to screw in a light bulb 2 that any better? "Don't Get Run Over" - George Carlin O & A ARCHIVES  | ||||
| mirear hurtz | posted on 04-16-2001 @ 5:38 PM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Feb. 01 | Q: How do you practice cunnilingus on a martian woman? A: Suck warm mayonnaise through steel wool. Q: Who are the two most famous Martian women? A: Aunt Jemima and Mother Fucker. Q: What's the difference between a Martian and a pizza? A: A pizza can feed a family of four. A Martian walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. As he approaches the bar, the bartender exclaims; "Fuck me! Where did you get that from!?" To this the parrot replies "Africa. There's fucking thousands of them there." Yeah I know, I gotta learn how to spell!  | ||||
| JoHnIeFrEaKiN5 | posted on 04-16-2001 @ 5:47 PM | | |||
| Hanger-On Registered: Jan. 01 | why arent little martians allowed to play in the sandbox??? cus the cats try and bury them johnieeeee | ||||
| JoHnIeFrEaKiN5 | posted on 04-16-2001 @ 5:49 PM | | |||
| Hanger-On Registered: Jan. 01 | a little martian is outside writing with chalk when he rubs it all over his face runs in to his grandma and says grandma grandma look im a white boy a white boy,, she cracks him in the face and says go tellll your mother that,, he runs up to her says look momma im a white boy a white boy,, crack,, she hits him in the face and says go tell your father that,, he runs to his daddy and says " daddy daddy look im a white boy a white boy,, crack he gets smacked and says did you learn anythin,, he says shoo nuff i only bees a white boy foo 5 minutes and already i hate martians,,,,,, | ||||
| PedroGuerrero2717 | posted on 04-16-2001 @ 5:51 PM | | |||
| Hanger-On Registered: Feb. 01 | Q. What do you call a white baby that dies and goes to heaven? A. An Angel. Q. What do you call a baby Martian that does the same? A. A Bat  Humbly adopted by Dana Dillon | ||||
The sky is blue | posted on 04-16-2001 @ 5:54 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Veteran Registered: Oct. 00 | Q. How do you stop a Martian from drowning? A. Take your foot from its head.  See My Sig Pics! If you want to be adopted by me IM me at fezoanda and email me at [email protected] Currently I've adopted giraffe raper and drkn2forget Visit the best of the Hell Hole here | ||||
| Tequila Fez claims this land in the name of Portugal! Why worry about the train if it never makes it around the tracks?? IrishAlkey wuz here!!! | posted on 04-16-2001 @ 10:16 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Veteran Registered: Jan. 01 | Why dont sharks eat Martians? They mistake them for whale shit.  | ||||
| scmods Break into my dad's pc and go to the porno directory. It takes a lot to freak me out, and his archive can do it. Time & Time Again. | posted on 04-16-2001 @ 10:43 PM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Feb. 01 | What's pink & blue and is chained in my basement? My martian & I can paint him any color I want. SigPic in testing phase | ||||
| scmods Break into my dad's pc and go to the porno directory. It takes a lot to freak me out, and his archive can do it. Time & Time Again. | posted on 04-16-2001 @ 10:43 PM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Feb. 01 | What do you call 100 martians hanging in a tree? A good start. SigPic in testing phase | ||||
| scmods Break into my dad's pc and go to the porno directory. It takes a lot to freak me out, and his archive can do it. Time & Time Again. | posted on 04-16-2001 @ 10:44 PM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Feb. 01 | What do you get when you have 50 lesbins and 50 martians in one room? 100 people that don't do dick!! SigPic in testing phase | ||||
| Tequila Fez claims this land in the name of Portugal! Why worry about the train if it never makes it around the tracks?? IrishAlkey wuz here!!! | posted on 04-16-2001 @ 10:48 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Veteran Registered: Jan. 01 | Scmods this could all have been in one post | ||||
| scmods Break into my dad's pc and go to the porno directory. It takes a lot to freak me out, and his archive can do it. Time & Time Again. | posted on 04-16-2001 @ 10:51 PM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Feb. 01 | Sorry Tequila and all - didn't mean to give you my shit today---they just came to me. SigPic in testing phase | ||||
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Displaying 1-25 of 46 messages in this thread. |