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| Posted By | Discussion Topic: The Idiots Guide To Necrophilia | ||||
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| GonzoStyle | posted on 09-06-2001 @ 2:18 AM |    | |||
| Hanger-On Registered: Jan. 70  | The Do's & Don'ts of NECROPHILIA, if you ever wanted to be a necrophiliac and din't know how well you are in luck, but please use this info for good. I: Introduction Very few text files have been written regarding the sexual tendencies and practices of necrophiliacs. While most people would prefer to believe that we do not exist we most certainly do as is obvious to anyone who visits a cemetery during our nightly rampages. Necrophiliacs prefer to go about their business alone; sharing is not a part of this alternative lifestyle as the corpse usually wears out fairly quickly. This is not to say that the occasional orgy involving four or five necrophiliacs and about a dozen or so corpses does not occur, but it is very rare. In this file I will describe common (and some uncommon) techniques which necrophiliacs use to gain satisfaction from their stiff partners. Hopefully these vivid descriptions will encourage you to go out to your local cemetery and to join our ranks! II: Finding a partner Finding a partner for your necrophiliac activities is definitely the hardest part. You not only have to gain access to the corpse but you also have to find one which suits your tastes. Granted, some necrophiliacs would screw roadkill if given the chance but most of us are more discriminating. Your chances depend upon where you pick up your date. If you have access to a morgue it would definitely be your best bet as the corpses there are usually the freshest and have not yet been treated for burial. They may be a bit chilly because they've been lying in the meat locker for days but that really shouldn't make a big difference to the determined necrophiliac. Cemeteries are a bit harder to deal with as finding a screwable corpse is harder to do. However, if you know how to interpret signs this shouldn't be a problem. If a grave consists of a mound of fresh dirt and is covered with flowers, chances are that the stiff hasn't been laying here for too long. Rotting flowers on the mound usually hint to the state of the corpse as well. Some people are exclusively into 'porking the bone', i.e. sex with skeletons. In this case you can dig up almost any grave and hope that the inhabitant hasn't yet disintegrated into dust. Try to scope out a fairly secluded cemetery for your passions unless you like a sense of danger to go along with the sex. Having anyone catch you in the act is NOT fun, and if you're picked up by a cop chances are that you won't be able to screw anything but Bubba behind bars for the next few decades. People are generally not understanding of the necrophiliac lifestyle, so it will probably be a long time before we can come out of the closet. III: Preparation Depending upon where you are at this point you'll have either a little or a lot of work to do. The person in the morgue will obviously have to do little more than to open the locker, pull the corpse out and bang away. If you're one of the cemetery people you'll have more work to do. An experienced necrophiliac is always equipped with the bare essentials: a shovel, vaseline and a box of rubbers. Why the shovel is needed should be obvious, but if the ground is hard then you might need more equipment to dig up your date. Vaseline is used to loosen the corpse up a bit. This makes it less likely for a body part to break off while you're having fun and it also prevents your mantool from becoming too irritated while screwing the dried out pussy. The BOX of condoms is used to play it safe; no necrophiliac should be without it. You never know which STDs your partner had during his/her lifetime, and believe me, it doesn't get any better after the person dies. You can put on more than one rubber for extra protection if it is warranted, but screwing a corpse without protection is just plain stupid unless you want to be the next date for a necrophiliac. If you're in a cemetery try to drag the corpse out of the grave and behind a bush or to another secluded place. Pumping away in the grave may seem more convenient, but it's a severe disadvantage to you if you need to take off in a hurry. Sometimes the corpse is too fragile to be moved; in that case make it fast. Or just break off the head, hand or lower torso and take it with you for added convenience. Part IV: Techniques So now you've got a stiff lying seductively in front of you, but you have no idea how to start. How you proceed from this point onward really depends upon what kind of person you are. The corpse will last longer if you treat it gently and with care, but if you prefer to go all out you'll probably receive greater satisfaction. There are many differences between screwing a live and a dead person which one needs to be aware of. Firstly, a corpse will never tell you to get off of it if you're being a bit rough and it will never complain no matter what kinky sexual practices you use it for. Screwing a corpse is also much more predictable because you can raise an arm, leg or whatever and it will still be in that position when you reach for it again. Take the arms and gently lock them in an embrace behind your back, or spread the legs to make sex a bit easier. If you want a great blowjob then lubricate your partner's mouth, lock it to your preferred width, insert and go for it. Although there's no tongue stimulation it's still worthwhile, and it's also safer than conventional sex. Corpses can also be recycled if treated properly. If you're a proficient embalmer you can keep a corpse for over five years if it has been properly embalmed. That's free sex whenever you want it! You naturally don't want to be too rough with an embalmed corpse though as they are more fragile. One final advantage of screwing corpses is that they are always in abundance. Based upon your sexual preferences you can designate a cemetery or a morgue as your territory and always find fresh partners to screw. Plus you don't have to resort to cheesy pickup lines or spend all your money in order to get a date. Necrophilia is a passion which is cheaply satisfied. V. Conclusion I hope that this text file will encourage you to go out and try necrophilia. Not many people do it, but that's precisely what makes it so much fun; it makes you feel special! If no living person would touch you with a 10 foot pole then try having sex with a corpse! Some of them are real beauties and it's an experience you'll never forget. There is no greater experience for a virgin than having his/her virginity taken by a corpse. Anyways, have fun and if you have any experiences you'd like to share then by all means do! Maybe necrophilia will enter the mainstream because of your efforts.  I wanna slit your throat and fuck the wound I wanna push my face in and feel the swoon My wormwood meets your pesticide You'll never get out, coz you were never alive I am infinite, I am the infant finite Come a little closer and I'll show you why She-Mail Me Here | ||||
| Sluggo667 SLASH's New Buddy, but shhh... I am not allowed to tell anyone. | posted on 09-06-2001 @ 2:22 AM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Apr. 01 | Shit... Another faction... So fucking wonderfully demented... SICK BASTARD! :)  Sluggo667...Neighbor of the beast... UH...I forgot what I wanted to say... AIM-Slugggo667 | ||||
| Mr. Brownstone | posted on 09-06-2001 @ 2:25 AM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Dec. 00 | Hoo hoo Robin!  Two openings available at Mr. Brownstone Academy of Dance . | ||||
| GonzoStyle | posted on 09-06-2001 @ 2:33 AM | | |||
| Hanger-On Registered: Jan. 70 | quote: hahaha isn't there a porno on animal planet yet brownstone, lmao. Hoo Hoo i did incest: benefits of fucking your sister, mother and grandmother (a thesis by gonzostyle) way before that, hahaha but necrophilia i didnt do. Well i did necrophilia when i did my rant on funerals, and putting the FUN back in FUNeral. EDIT: I did not write the above manual, i ran across it today and found it quite helpful. I wanna slit your throat and fuck the wound I wanna push my face in and feel the swoon My wormwood meets your pesticide You'll never get out, coz you were never alive I am infinite, I am the infant finite Come a little closer and I'll show you why She-Mail Me Here This message was edited by GonzoStyle on 9-6-01 @ 2:36 AM | ||||
| IrishAlkey Chucky Official OA.com Homo CUNT ROCKETTE Look who's laughing now, fuckers!!! Is It In Yet? JYD-4-LIFE [Sarcasm]Subzero316 fan since day one!!1!![/Sarcasm] "my mod powers are on temporary hiatus" This status is sponsored by: P®oJë©T M@¥hέm | posted on 09-06-2001 @ 2:35 AM | | |||
| O&A Board Veteran Registered: Aug. 01 | Seems like alot of work, but still easier than getting lucky in a bar if you ask me. Thanx Gonzo!!! | ||||
| GonzoStyle | posted on 09-06-2001 @ 2:38 AM | | |||
| Hanger-On Registered: Jan. 70 | quote: Well Alkey if you don't wanna fuck the dead you can always go for the brain dead. My friends in the operating theatre and hospital morgue have told me that the way to keep things exciting is to fuck people who are brain dead, because at least they’re still warm. You'll find these people in the following places: 1. Wackbag.com 2. Korn shows 3. Limp Bizkit shows 4. Kid Rock shows 5. Live shows 6. Bush shows 7. No Doubt shows 8. KKK rallies 9. All legal systems, banks and government departments throughout the world 10. Iraq 11. France 12. Canada 13. Kansas And feel free to kill them when you're done. They're almost dead anyways, and you'd be doing us a great big favor. True, the population would drop drastcially in every single country..More naughty goth bitches for me.. I wanna slit your throat and fuck the wound I wanna push my face in and feel the swoon My wormwood meets your pesticide You'll never get out, coz you were never alive I am infinite, I am the infant finite Come a little closer and I'll show you why She-Mail Me Here | ||||
| IrishAlkey Chucky Official OA.com Homo CUNT ROCKETTE Look who's laughing now, fuckers!!! Is It In Yet? JYD-4-LIFE [Sarcasm]Subzero316 fan since day one!!1!![/Sarcasm] "my mod powers are on temporary hiatus" This status is sponsored by: P®oJë©T M@¥hέm | posted on 09-06-2001 @ 2:44 AM | | |||
| O&A Board Veteran Registered: Aug. 01 | Well Gonzo, since I'm part of most of the groups you have listed I guess it's safer to just stick with what I've been doing all along...chronic masturbation. | ||||
| The Painter 1/2 a bottle of Jack Daniels... it's a cure-all | posted on 09-06-2001 @ 6:24 AM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Sep. 00 | I was banging my wife for a week before I realized, she was dead. The sex was the same, but the dishes were piling up.;) | ||||
| 2 tired 2 give N F One of the Teen Tomatoe Boys is Retarted... Guess which one I am!!! | posted on 09-06-2001 @ 8:12 AM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Jan. 01 | Oh God why did I open this thread...I need a weekend of church... | ||||
| red rocket Secret Sex Chat | posted on 09-06-2001 @ 9:42 AM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Aug. 01 | Is it considered cheating if you bang the dead? I think we might have found a loop-hole. Adopted by crx girl. I am under her special tutelage. | ||||
| weinie | posted on 09-06-2001 @ 9:44 AM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Oct. 00 | this is all fine, but what about the articles on screwing dead dolphins who happen to be your uncle. | ||||
| IrishAlkey Chucky Official OA.com Homo CUNT ROCKETTE Look who's laughing now, fuckers!!! Is It In Yet? JYD-4-LIFE [Sarcasm]Subzero316 fan since day one!!1!![/Sarcasm] "my mod powers are on temporary hiatus" This status is sponsored by: P®oJë©T M@¥hέm | posted on 09-06-2001 @ 12:28 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Veteran Registered: Aug. 01 | quote: In my opinion it's only cheating if the person you are already "seeing" is also dead | ||||
| AFDude | posted on 09-06-2001 @ 1:06 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Oct. 00 | quote: sick...but F'n funny as shit...lol  | ||||
| Mr. Brownstone | posted on 09-06-2001 @ 4:39 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Dec. 00 | Here you go Gonzo, I think she's hot for you! Two openings available at Mr. Brownstone Academy of Dance . | ||||
| Tequila Fez claims this land in the name of Portugal! Why worry about the train if it never makes it around the tracks?? IrishAlkey wuz here!!! | posted on 09-06-2001 @ 11:49 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Veteran Registered: Jan. 01 | OK now I have seen it all. GS you bring at date to the party sat? If so i'll bring the ice  AOL/AIM - oanda1027fm | ||||
| njstrawberry | posted on 09-09-2001 @ 12:30 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Feb. 01 | Ahhhhhhh I just saw this thread now. F'ng classic. Nice. I WAS BI WHEN BEING BI WASN'T KEWL DON'T UNDER ESTIMATE THE PSYCHO FACTOR IN MY HEAD | ||||
| FoundryMusicMatt | posted on 09-09-2001 @ 6:21 PM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Dec. 00 | quote: Anthony? Comment?  | ||||
| FeelMyFunBags | posted on 09-09-2001 @ 7:03 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Jan. 01 | quote: quote: :( Please...don't kill me...they really are a good band.... :(  why do I say I'm fine when it's obvious I'm not? why's it so hard to tell you what I want? why can't you just read my mind? | ||||
| whichwaymediumorrare | posted on 09-10-2001 @ 10:29 AM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Apr. 01 | gonzo very nice.intriging.sounds like a wonderful world.everybody goes home satisfied. "well hello mr. fancy pants.i got news for you pal,you aint leadin but two things right now,jack and shit and jack left town." "good,bad..... i am the guy with the gun." | ||||
Displaying 1-19 of 19 messages in this thread. |