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| Posted By | Discussion Topic: The Lobster=death | ||||
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| Sir Okonkwo | posted on 10-16-2001 @ 6:40 AM |    | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Jun. 01  | C/P off stileproject.com...don't kill Susy DeLucci and the Miracle of Life. One morning around 5:00AM, 22 year old Susan DeLucci of Kittery, Maine, woke up with a painful need to urinate. At first she thought she had diarrhea, but when she stood up out of bed, she realized that it was urinary pain. It was very similar to the feeling of having diarrhea, just out the wrong hole. She wobbled to the toilet and upon sitting on it, her vagina erupted into the most horrific messy farting noise anyone has ever heard. In paralyzing pain, Ms. DeLucci for the next few minutes continued to push and squirt out of her vagina a burning tide of wretch and filth while she gripped the sides of the toilet, white-knuckled. She was screaming wildly, and the neighbors called the police. When medics arrived they found Ms. DeLucci unconscious lying on the floor of her bathroom wearing nothing but her bath robe. Running down her leg, was a stream of brown and green syrup. The medic had to transfer her to a stretcher, so he grabbed her left leg which was bent crossing her other leg, to straighten her out. She was lying there all twisted up. When he lifted her left leg to straighten her body out, he exposed her vagina at which point a creature, no larger than the tip of a finger wormed its way out of her genitals and landed on the floor with a wet popping sound. Shocked, the medic stared at the creature that was lying on the tile bathroom floor in a casing of mucous. It was a tiny mud shrimp and it sat there on the cold floor gasping for water while flipping itself back and forth. The horrified medic turned to the toilet as he felt the nausea setting in. When he put his face down into the toilet to puke what he saw was so horrific that to this day he cannot look into a toilet without convulsing. The entire toilet bowl was boiling with baby brown mud shrimp flipping and splashing at a furious pace. If you think that is bad - wait until you hear how it happened: Ms. DeLucci's death was the result of a combination of shock and severe head trauma. She stood up over the toilet in pain and when she saw what she had done, she went into shock and fell, smashing her head on the toilet and then on the floor. It is believed by police that two nights before the accident she had purchased a live lobster at a fish market. While lying in a tub, she gently inserted the creature's tail into her vagina to derive physical pleasure. At that point, she held a lighter under the creature's face causing it to flip its tail in a violent snapping motion. The medics found a lesbian XXX video in the VCR and the TV was positioned on a table in front of the tub. The lobster was found in the kitchen garbage can wrapped in a paper bag. Traces of Ms. DeLucci's DNA were found on the lobster along with pubic hairs that had wedged hemselves between the lobsters' tail joints. The lobster's face was lightly burned with the same fuel used in lighters. The lobster's digestive track and colon were found to be full of mud shrimp egg casings. Doctors believe that the lobster had eaten them (they are common in the water at fish markets and are usually harmlessly boiled to death) and the lobster had crapped them out into Ms. DeLucci's vagina when she was torturing it. Maine mud shrimp only take two days to gestate and Ms. DeLucci was only four days away from getting her period. Doctors believe that at that point of her menstrual cycle, her womb was the perfect PH balance to grow these mud shrimp which are a much larger version of the popular "Sea Monkey" pets sold throughout the US. Overnight the eggs had hatched and the mud shrimp began doubling in size every ten minutes!!! You can imagine the pain she was in when she woke up that morning and gave birth to well over 1,000 mud shrimp in her toilet. Yum!  "My political opinions lean more towards anarchy....The most improper job of any man, even saints, is bossing other men."-J.R.R. Tolkien, The Letters of J.R.R. Tolkien, 1981 "Shit, Piss, Fuck, Cunt, Cocksucker, Motherfucker and Tits"-George Carlin "Now you listen here to me, you horrible little creature"-William Regal to X-Pac | ||||
| The Painter 1/2 a bottle of Jack Daniels... it's a cure-all | posted on 10-16-2001 @ 6:54 AM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Sep. 00 | I guess that's why it smells like fish. | ||||
| Skeet Slambone | posted on 10-16-2001 @ 7:14 AM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Dec. 00 | Isn't this an urban legend?
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| kindredbabe | posted on 10-16-2001 @ 7:30 AM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Aug. 01 | Urban Legend Although it is still one of the more gross stories I've heard...  | ||||
King Shit *board owner* | posted on 10-16-2001 @ 9:29 AM | | |||
| O&A Board Veteran Registered: Feb. 01 | Yeah it's an urban legend, and it's certainly the most grahpic way I've ever seen it described. It's a good thing I don't eat breakfast anyway. I believe in the Faith... that can save me. I believe in the hope and I pray... That someday it may raise me... above these badlands | ||||
| spitfire421 | posted on 10-16-2001 @ 9:41 AM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Dec. 00 | YUMMY! Now girls, I hope this is a lesson to you to only masterbate with inanimate objects...just go out and find a good vibrator  We Have Not YetBegun To Fight NEVER FORGET!!! I'm playing mommy to FN Sluggo...hey, 2 heads are always more fun :) | ||||
| Canweseeyourstuff | posted on 10-16-2001 @ 9:45 AM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Oct. 00 | I usually don't eat breakfast, but of course today I did thanks.  | ||||
| Maynard | posted on 10-16-2001 @ 11:47 AM | | |||
| O&A Board Veteran Registered: Jan. 01 | quote: What does that have to do with ANYTHING? Are they trying to say that lesbians are deranged and will do anything to get off?  | ||||
| red rocket Secret Sex Chat | posted on 10-16-2001 @ 12:44 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Aug. 01 | quote: Damn, I wish it was true. That sounds hot.  God Bless The USA. | ||||
| IkeaBoy P.L.F. Portugese Liberation Front- Liberating Status' everywhere from the Tyranny of Portugal I will die a traitor's death | posted on 10-16-2001 @ 1:04 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Veteran Registered: Sep. 00 | what credible news source would use the words 'crapped out' "I didn't realize how tragic it [the WTC attack] was until the celebrities told me"- Ron Bennington | ||||
| Ken'sPen [Sarcasm] Doesn't Live Up To The Hype [/Sarcasm] I should have stayed OVER THERE | posted on 10-16-2001 @ 4:43 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Aug. 01 | quote: Of course this is pure conjecture since she was alone at the time and dead by the time anyone got there. | ||||
King Shit *board owner* | posted on 10-16-2001 @ 5:51 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Veteran Registered: Feb. 01 | Hey if the neighbors heard her scream, maybe it was all so loud that they heard her pussy farting too. I believe in the Faith... that can save me. I believe in the hope and I pray... That someday it may raise me... above these badlands | ||||
| katya_ann That's Miss Jesus Cooze to you! | posted on 10-16-2001 @ 6:59 PM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Apr. 01 | I found that story a few nights ago, and, while i thought it pretty disgusting, I had to share it with a friend, of course. Here's the IM that followed. Captain America says: sure, i'll read sumthin gross Kitty says: http://www.ulrc.com.au/html/report.asp?CaseFile=ULRR0054&Page=1&View=Request Captain America says: cant' she just use a vibrator like the rest of us? Kitty says: yeah, that's what i thought Kitty says: actually, i wondered why she didn't put a condom on the tail Kitty says: that would cut down on the sharp exoskeleton Captain America says: that wouldn't have occured to me Captain America says: what with it not occuring to me to masturbate with a LOBSTER! Kitty says: LOL!!!!!!!! Kitty says: I'm putting that in the quote books... | ||||
| IAmMighty | posted on 10-16-2001 @ 8:00 PM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Sep. 00 | Lobster masturbation = not more gooder Should've stuck with cats or dogs.  | ||||
Tupics bites the dust, fuckin f**sDisplaying 1-14 of 14 messages in this thread. |