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The Unofficial Opie & Anthony Message Board - If I were exhaulted ruler...


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Posted ByDiscussion Topic: If I were exhaulted ruler...
OAAWITE
posted on 02-02-2002 @ 9:44 PM      
Hanger-On
Registered: Jan. 70
OK, this is pretty much a rip off the Controversial Opinions thread. But that one was really good, and this is a little different. You know what to do.

  1. Someone does my laundry for me.
  2. Typing any of the following : LOL, :), ROTFLMAO, Kewl, or using any other intentionally mispelled words are bannable offenses. This list is subject to grow.
  3. English is the official language of this country. All governmental documentation will only be in English. All non-citizens who cannot speak the language have six months until they are deported.
  4. Vagina hair will be banned
  5. No crimes shall be defined as "hate" crimes.
  6. Penises of male porn stars are not to exceed 6 inches in length when fully erect.
  7. Marijuana would be legal farm and use.
  8. My mom will officially be naned as the best cook in the history of the world.
  9. In any accident, the vehicle with the most bumper stickers will be labelled at fault.
  10. The Anthony Cumia show will be syndicated nationally.
  11. Mayonnaise, butter, cheese, sour cream, guacamole, and all condiments will never be served to you unless you specifically ask for it. I'm sick of that nasty shit polluting my food.
  12. In civil cases. If you sue, and lose, you pay a fee to the person or organization you sued.
    Immigration will only be allowed to those who have a marketable skill and speak the language proficiently
  13. If you run from the police and are able to evade them without the use of weapons, you are innocent.
  14. In case I forgot to mention, in the aformentioned pursuit, the police are allowed to shoot at you.
  15. "calling it" will be the be all and end all of all debates no matter how large.
  16. After you are decalared "brain dead" you are officially dead. Body parts are to be farmed, and you are to discarded.
  17. Burying people in caskets is over. You are burnt to dust and dumped somewhere.
  18. Flat Tax
  19. Declare a national holiday dedicate an entire day to laugh at Trekkies.
  20. Every person over the age of 18 will have either a visibile green, yellow, or red mark to show whether they are available, dating, or married, respectively. Those without "the mark" will be under 18, and off limits.
  21. Men who don't double down on 11 are castrated at the table.
  22. People who enjoy watching cars drive in a circle for 500 miles will be sterilized.
  23. People who split on 10s are lobotomized
  24. Designated hitter rule is banned.
  25. Pete Rose is to be immediately placed in the Hall of Fame.
  26. Businesses or any other organization cannot donate money to political candidates. Since only private citizens can vote, only private citizens can donate money.
  27. Corey Haim and Corey Feldmen will be forced to make a buddy movie every year.
  28. Post counts are deleted completely, and will never be shown again.
  29. The metric system will implemented. I mean, Jesus Christ, are we that fucking stubborn?
  30. Any two consenting adults may be married.
  31. Bill Simmons of ESPN Page2 is to be as ubiquitous in our society as Oprah Winfrey and Martha Stewart is currently (don't worry, they'll both be gone). He will have his own TV show, his own magazine, he will produce movies. He will have free reign to do anything he wants in the entertainment field.
  32. All women will be forced to wear leather pants from Labor Day through Memorial Day. Not all women look "good" in leather pants, but all women look "better".
  33. Founders of any company no matter how big or small do not have to pay taxes on their salary or stock income from that organization. The jobs that are created and tax revenue from them will far outnumber the lost tax revenue.
  34. All women will be forced to wear sun dresses from Memorial Day until Labor Day.
  35. Prostitution is legal.
  36. MTV must play videos or change their fucking name.
  37. No religion is to be a tax shelter. All religions pay taxes the same as everyone else.
  38. Every professional sport will get rid of 10% of their teams. The quality of sports just sucks ass becuase there are too many people who have no right to be on a major league roster.
  39. Matthew Liliard has his tongue cut out so as to never act in another movie again.
  40. competition, rewards, dealing with failure, and the fact that some people are just better than you are to be taught in grade school.




This message was edited by OAAWITE on 2-3-02 @ 3:28 AM
danked
Dankarella! 		posted on 02-02-2002 @ 9:55 PM      
O&A Board Regular
Registered: Aug. 00
quote:
7. Marijuana would be legal farm and use.

well... you got my vote.


KNOW YOUR DOPE FIEND. YOUR LIFE MAY DEPEND ON IT! You will not be able to see his eyes because of Tea-Shades, but his knuckles will be white from inner tension and his pants will be crusted with semen from constantly jacking off when he can't find a rape victim. He will stagger and babble when questioned. He will not respect your badge. The Dope Fiend fears nothing. He will attack, for no reason, with every weapon at his command--including yours. BEWARE. Any officer apprehending a suspected marijuana addict should use all necessary force immediately. One stitch in time (on him) will usually save nine on you.
YellowDiscipline
IS STILL REALLY GAY		posted on 02-02-2002 @ 10:22 PM      
O&A Board Regular
Registered: Nov. 01
quote:
The Anthony Cumia show will be syndicated nationally.



OUCH! Not liking the Opie, huh?

Ken'sPen
[Sarcasm]
Doesn't Live Up To The Hype
[/Sarcasm]
I should have stayed OVER THERE		posted on 02-02-2002 @ 10:23 PM      
O&A Board Regular
Registered: Aug. 01
quote:
Vagina hair will be banned


That's a little extreme. Nice list though.

Except the above, and the Coreys making more movies.
quote:
Typing any of the following : LOL, , ROTFLMAO, Kewl, or using any other intentioally mispelled words are bannable offenses. This list is subject to grow.


would that count for people who don't use "c"
as in fuking? I hate them.

This message was edited by Ken'sPen on 2-2-02 @ 10:26 PM
TheJays
This status sponsored by: P®oJë©T M@¥h?m:
I MAKE COOL PICTURES
Proud To Be An American		posted on 02-02-2002 @ 10:28 PM      
Psychopath
Registered: Jan. 01
quote:
Corey Haim and Corey Feldmen will be forced to make a buddy movie every year.


I think this rule is already in effect. I've seen such blockbusters as License to Drive, The Lost Boys, Blown Away (the one where Nicole Eggert gets fucked every 5 minutes), Dream a Little Dream, Dream a Little Dream Part II. All quality HBO flicks.

All
Day long
I
Dream
About
Stalker Patty



"You know what they do to people like me in prison? They cut your fucking balls off and flush em down the toilet."
donotkidme
posted on 02-02-2002 @ 10:29 PM      
Psychopath
Registered: Dec. 01
quote:
Matthew Liliard has his tongue cut out so as to never act in another movie again.


i agree. and that hair of his, uch..

how bout no guy with dark hair should dye their hair bleach blonde unless you can match your brows and rest of facial hair with it.


Complaints? Too bad!

When two elephants make love, it is still the grass that suffers - Conflict Resolution book
theinsectsgotme
posted on 02-02-2002 @ 11:08 PM      
Psychopath
Registered: Sep. 00
7. Marijuana would be legal farm and use

Got my vote, too. One more:

41. Spit on the sidewalk and the death penalty will be enforced.

crx girl
Newbie! vg Y's me
ugo girl
Limey Mothercocker 		posted on 02-02-2002 @ 11:24 PM      
O&A Board Regular
Registered: Oct. 00
quote:
how bout no guy with dark hair should dye their hair bleach blonde unless you can match your brows and rest of facial hair with it
no

me likey #7 too :D #4 too, cos i don't have any hair in my vagina, do you? oh, and i'm assuming that wow stickers are exempt on #9?

maybe later i'll think of some of my own :p



"cheer up, things could be worse - you could have been born british!";) seph rocks
need me? try: [email protected]
FeelMyFunBags
posted on 02-03-2002 @ 12:52 AM      
O&A Board Regular
Registered: Jan. 01
quote:
Someone does my laundry for me.


Psst....that's why we need immigrants...to do the jobs no one else wants to do ;)



Edit: Oops

This message was edited by FeelMyFunBags on 2-3-02 @ 12:54 AM
Paper Boy
I want my two dollars!		posted on 02-03-2002 @ 7:44 AM      
O&A Board Regular
Registered: Jan. 01
Some of these are good.

9. In any accident, the vehicle with the most bumper stickers will be labelled at fault.

Or if there was a lady or elderly person involved, they should be at fault regardless of bumper stickers.

12. In civil cases. If you sue, and lose, you pay a fee to the person or organization you sued.


I'll have to disagree with this one as it would probably put me out of a job.

18. Flat tax.

May I suggest a rate of 10%. No deductions allowed, just pay 10% of your income.

21. Men who don't double down on 11 are castrated at the table.
23. People who split on 10s are lobotomized


These are my favorites.

34. All women will be forced to wear sun dresses from Memorial Day until Labor Day.


Another of my favorites.


quote:
how bout no guy with dark hair should dye their hair bleach blonde unless you can match your brows and rest of facial hair with it.


How about no guy can dye their hair bleach blonde at all.

F/K/A Imapervert
The Painter
1/2 a bottle of Jack Daniels... it's a cure-all		posted on 02-03-2002 @ 8:29 AM      
O&A Board Regular
Registered: Sep. 00
quote:
6. Penises of male porn stars are not to exceed 6 inches in length when fully erect.
Sounds like a personal problem.


Jolene'78
posted on 02-03-2002 @ 8:57 AM      
Psychopath
Registered: May. 01
I don't even call that a penis



Have you ever had that typical Dutch feeling...."Have I That???"

Patience is like bread I say,
I ran out of that yesterday

The More You Complain,The Longer God Makes You live
Tequila
Fez claims this land in the name of Portugal!
Why worry about the train if it never makes it around the tracks?? IrishAlkey wuz here!!!		posted on 02-03-2002 @ 1:36 PM      
O&A Board Veteran
Registered: Jan. 01
quote:
People who enjoy watching cars drive in a circle for 500 miles will be sterilized.

Hey thats not fair.
quote:
Designated hitter rule is banned

I agree with that 100%
quote:
MTV must play videos or change their fucking name

Now that should happen anyway


LET’S GO ISLANDERS!!!!!

E-Mail Me
AOL/AIM - oanda1027fm

QuickStop
I won the last OA.com Sig contest & all I got was this cheesey status...
Who is driving? Oh my God! Bear is Driving! How can that be?!?
G.O.O.F.B.A.H.G.S.
Kickflip b/s Tailslide Strike Team		posted on 02-03-2002 @ 1:45 PM      
O&A Board Regular
Registered: Aug. 01
-from high school on, there are no required classes. only electives.


AIM | E-MAIL
Archie is NOT fucking Mr. Weatherbee!
av8er
OA.com's taint with wings.
The only person to have a 20 double post
posted on 02-03-2002 @ 1:58 PM      
O&A Board Regular
Registered: Oct. 00
Wow, this thread is fuking kewl. LMAO:D I have to go watch NASCAR tapes now.




Av8er Radio
[AIM] [ICQ] [E-Mail]


Paralyzed.

Nothing's getting through to me.

Hypnotized from all my surroundings.

I wanna be something I could never be.

I wanna say things that I could never say.

Yeah, I'm gonna do it again!

Sick of my life.

I'm tired of everything in my life.

Dragged down.

Rubbing my face in the ground.

No time for the undecided.

I wanna know why I've always felt alone.

And I wanna love.

Why am I untouchable?

Yeah, I'm gonna do it again!

Sick of my life.

I'm tired of everything in my life.

I never wanted to be sick of my life.

I'm tired of everything in my life.



Tequila
Fez claims this land in the name of Portugal!
Why worry about the train if it never makes it around the tracks?? IrishAlkey wuz here!!!		posted on 02-03-2002 @ 2:11 PM      
O&A Board Veteran
Registered: Jan. 01
Nascar is the most watched sport in America. Yes it is a sport

They have over 100,000 people at each race.


LET’S GO ISLANDERS!!!!!

E-Mail Me
AOL/AIM - oanda1027fm

RapeFantasizer
One Chocolate Chip Cookie
CUNT ROCKETTE		posted on 02-04-2002 @ 12:05 PM      
Psychopath
Registered: Aug. 01
quote:
how bout no guy with dark hair should dye their hair bleach blonde unless you can match your brows and rest of facial hair with it.

Are you f'ing kidding? That is so sexy! Not when they do the tips like a boy band though.

And I agree with all of your ideas, especially the blackjack ones, god those people piss me off. They are the same ones that hit on 15 when the dealer has a 4 showing, urgh.



I LOVE THE MORON
RonRon5477
posted on 02-04-2002 @ 12:45 PM      
Psychopath
Registered: Apr. 01
quote:
Nascar is the most watched sport in America. Yes it is a sport
Are you nuts? Maybe in the south. You honestly think it beats the NFL, NBA, and MLB?? Driving really fast in a circle and burning up gas is not a sport. If it was a sport, then maybe riding a bus should be a sport too.

quote:
3. English is the official language of this country. All governmental documentation will only be in English. All non-citizens who cannot speak the language have six months until they are deported.
Hell's yeah!

"I wish I could say something classy and inspirational, but that just wouldn't be our style. Pain heals. Chicks dig scars. Glory... lasts forever." -Shane Falco in The Replacements
Want to use the O&A EZPass lane? here's how (only for NY listeners, sorry to everyone else):
The URL is: "http://oarule.homestead.com/files/OA"+previous phone screener before Stinky+previous phone screener's girlfriend's REAL name+".html"
AIM: RonRon5477

This message was edited by RonRon5477 on 2-4-02 @ 1:00 PM
Norton's Victim
posted on 02-05-2002 @ 8:53 AM      
Psychopath
Registered: Jan. 02
quote:
Mayonnaise, butter, cheese, sour cream, guacamole, and all condiments will never be served to you unless you specifically ask for it. I'm sick of that nasty shit polluting my food.


Amen, brother.

quote:
The metric system will implemented. I mean, Jesus Christ, are we that fucking stubborn?


I was always under the impression that we stuck with the English system because it pissed off Europeans, not because we are stubborn.

quote:
Designated hitter rule is banned.


Couldn't we just ban the American Leauge?

I also have one recommendation. Abortion should be legal post-birth, until the child in question is 18. That way, if the parents see that he/she is going no where, they can save us money on the welfare we would be paying.



"Base not your happiness upon the deeds of others, for what is given can be taken away. No Hope=No Fear" - Peter Steele



Displaying 1-19 of 19 messages in this thread.