Home | Search | FAQ
Displaying 1-16 of 16 messages in this thread. |
| Posted By | Discussion Topic: Inspired by Gonzo: The drunken insanity thread. | ||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Son of Psycho Mark | posted on 03-13-2001 @ 2:07 PM |    | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Nov. 00  | One summer night, back int he day, a few friends and myself were drinking and blazin in my back yard while my parents were out. Conversation turned to alien abduction. In my beligerent state, my friends convinced me that aliens were either going to blow up my house or rape me, tag me, and release me back into society to be recaptured later, and that the tree in my yard was monitoring me right then, So naturally, I spent the next twenty-five minutes trying to deprogram the tree with an axe and a hedge trimmer. Eventually I gave up and proceeded to sit on my roof with the axe and my b.b. gun to kill the aliens when they came. My neighbor heard me yelling and shooting into the sky and, thankfully, instead of calling the cops, opted to spend the next hour talking me down with my friends. I'm a triple-rectified asshole/son of a bitch. | ||||
| Son of Psycho Mark | posted on 03-13-2001 @ 2:30 PM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Nov. 00 | A good one--knew a guy who jerked off in a confessional while confessing. He got twenty hours of community service and had to go to rehab. I'm a triple-rectified asshole/son of a bitch. | ||||
| o&aswallow | posted on 03-13-2001 @ 2:41 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Jan. 01 | And there are those who still insist drugs have no lasting harmful effects on the human mind.   o&aswallow Recognized His Destiny Early. Too Many Hotties, Not Enough Horny Goat Weed It at first you don't succeed, keep on sucking till you do suck seed. - Curly Howard. | ||||
| Canweseeyourstuff | posted on 03-13-2001 @ 2:43 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Oct. 00 | that was 5 secas of my life i will never get back thank you very effin much Visit this Website | ||||
| GonzoStyle | posted on 03-13-2001 @ 3:03 PM | | |||
| Hanger-On Registered: Jan. 70 | Son i am honored ::sniff sniff:: touching lives and children one at a time. Don't worry i'll save the thread. Ahh drunken insanity what a great topic. The stories i could tell, well the ones that won't incriminate me. like One night back in about 1996...warning thi story gets pretty bloody and nasty at times. My friend lived with these 4 guys, they rented a 3 bedroom apartment in a private house it was nice garage basement the works, off campus while attending college. I was a regular gues at their place. We had small parties every week actually almost every other day with occasional larger keg parties. One night it was jack's birthday so we decided to throw him a party. To start the night off we bought a keg and tapped it in the basement. They always put the kegs in the basement to lessen the destruction of the rest of the apartment. It was also a very hot summer night so it was the coolest place in the house. People started showing up (most with a bottle of liquor as a birthday present) and Jack was getting pretty drunk. We had the keg tapped so everyone was drinking draft beer. I looked at jack and for some reason he was holding a can of beer. I didn't think twice until he took a sip out of it dropped the can and spit out a mouth full of maggots. He made a bolt for the exit and proceeded to puke his brains out. A few other people followed to do the same after witnessing such a display. The worst part is this was only the beginning of the night. We never found out who filled his can with maggots. Since it was Jacks birthday he had announced at his work that he was having a party and gave an open invitation for anyone to come. We were sitting around trying to get over Jack's escapade when a car pulls up. It was a crazy Mexican from Jacks workplace named Chili. When Jack had announced his party at work he didn't expect that there would be any takers so he was surprised to see Chili. Chili and his cousin get out of the car barely and stumble over to us. Chili is shit tanked but his cousin can't even stand. The cousin asks in Spanish where the bathroom is so we direct him. He disappears for a long time so Chili decided to look for him. He is nowhere to be found until a girl comes from the bathroom and asks why there is a naked Mexican covered in puke lying in the storage closet off of the bathroom. We decide that the damage is done and just leave him in there to wallow in his own filth. Unfortunately , the girlfriend of one of our guests needed to use the bathroom and she refused to go while he was in the closet. She kept nagging her boyfriend until he said something to Chili. Chili wasn't about to move his naked drunken cousin but the girl's boyfriend kept on him. Chili ignored him for a while but since he was so drunk he finally erupted. They were on each side of the bar in the kitchen. Chili turned to the boyfriend and started pounding his fists on the bar and screaming the only words in English that he could get out in his state "OH YEAA, FUCK YOU, OH YEAA , FUCK YOU" Over and over again. I was sitting in the background drunk as a skunk laughing my ass of until Chili's pounding fists started hitting shot glasses . He was too messed up to realize that he was breaking the shot glasses and cutting his hands to ribbons. It was at this point with blood flying everywhere that the girls boyfriend starts to get nervous. Out of nowhere he produces a lead pipe out of the back of his pants. This is when I start laughing again. Why the fuck does this idiot have a lead pipe in his ass? I just about fall out of my seat laughing until Chili produces a knife from his pants. They were just about to hospitalize each other when i decide that I should do something. I got in between them and Chili finally stopped yelling "OH YEAA FUCK YOU" I thought I had calmed him down but what I hadn't realized in my drunken stupor was I had just turned his intentions towards me. Jack finally entered the picture and got Chili and his naked filthy cousin to go home. This is when the liquor came into play. Jack decided that he was going to sample from all of the bottles that people had brought for him. He did a shot of everything but got attached to a bottle of Jack Daniels just because of the name. He was taking a big gulp from that when someone said "OH YEAA, FUCK YOU" He started laughing and spit a mist of liquor all over this guy named Gary. Gary wasn't too happy so he started bitching. Jack is a big guy and he has always loved WWF so he thought it would be funny to put some moves on Gary. He did some stuff but it only made Gary madder. He grabbed a beer and dumped it on Jack. Jack didn't like that so he picked Gary up over his head and body slammed him. When Gary had hit the cupboard the handle stuck into the palm of his hand as far as it could. He was just sitting there looking at it until he turned to jack and said "Look what you did to me" He grabbed his stuck hand with the other and yanked it off. He then proceeded to spew blood all over the place. His girlfriend finally convinced him to go to the hospital and get stitches. It was like a skating rink in the kitchen because of Chili's and Gary's blood. I ended the night puking in the bathroom. No one ever could figure out why the Mexican took off his clothes. Plus i felt bad for whoever had to mop up that slaughter house, all in all it was a great party.  They are waiting to take us into the severed garden Do you know how pale & wanton thrillful comes death on a strange hour unannounced, unplanned for like a scaring over-friendly guest you've brought to bed Death makes angels of us all and gives us wings where we had shoulders smooth as raven's claws --Jim Morrison (An American Prayer) | ||||
| Son of Psycho Mark | posted on 03-13-2001 @ 3:07 PM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Nov. 00 | Goddamn, I fucking bow to the master of humorous & twisted stories. I have no doubt that you just saved the thread...thank you Gonzo! Ah, puke. Where would anecdotes about drunkeness be without you? The best one I have is when this crazy chick started blowing this guy on his birth day right in front of everybody. After a minute, she gagged on his dick and sprayed him head to toe with puke. They were both so fucking gone that they started kissing and rolling around in the vomit...right up until she did it again right in his mouth. I'm a triple-rectified asshole/son of a bitch. | ||||
| FukMeBoobs | posted on 03-13-2001 @ 3:08 PM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Feb. 01 | how could anyone fill someones beer with maggots? I wouldn't do that to my worst enemy or the red-headed stepson who lives next door and runs outside naked every morning to pick up the newspaper screaming "I'm not an animal!!" but then again I was wondering what I could do to him to make him shut up...hmmm...I can offer the kid a beer one day.... Proud to be Tequila's 1st adoptee. | ||||
| GonzoStyle | posted on 03-13-2001 @ 3:13 PM | | |||
| Hanger-On Registered: Jan. 70 | quote: what the fuck is a secas? They are waiting to take us into the severed garden Do you know how pale & wanton thrillful comes death on a strange hour unannounced, unplanned for like a scaring over-friendly guest you've brought to bed Death makes angels of us all and gives us wings where we had shoulders smooth as raven's claws --Jim Morrison (An American Prayer) | ||||
| Arthur Dent | posted on 03-13-2001 @ 4:35 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Nov. 00 | FMB, you live in Sloatsburg? Transported to a surreal landscape, a young girl kills the first woman she meets and then teams up with three complete strangers to kill again. - Marin County newspaper's TV listing for The Wizard of Oz American beer is like making love in a canoe. It's f*cking close to water. - Monty Python "Reality continues to ruin my life." - Calvin and Hobbes | ||||
| FukMeBoobs | posted on 03-13-2001 @ 4:51 PM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Feb. 01 | No AD, worse....I live in central jersey Proud to be Tequila's 1st adoptee. | ||||
| Just Jon | posted on 03-13-2001 @ 5:14 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Aug. 00 | I was at this party in a piano store. It was a cool party, then some big guy dropped his pants for everybody. Then some guy yuked in the bathroom... -----  E-mail: [email protected] Adoptee: Baby Nicole | ||||
| Sean Cold 3:16 | posted on 03-13-2001 @ 5:17 PM | | |||
| Hanger-On Registered: Jan. 70 | I remember once i went to dinner and lo and behold I ran into the board's cum guzzling faggot..... This message was edited by Sean Cold 3:16 on 3-13-01 @ 5:18 PM | ||||
| GonzoStyle | posted on 03-13-2001 @ 5:19 PM | | |||
| Hanger-On Registered: Jan. 70 | Just Jon & SeanCold Shrink those sig pics JJ is 15 pixels over and sean is 39 pixels over. They are waiting to take us into the severed garden Do you know how pale & wanton thrillful comes death on a strange hour unannounced, unplanned for like a scaring over-friendly guest you've brought to bed Death makes angels of us all and gives us wings where we had shoulders smooth as raven's claws --Jim Morrison (An American Prayer) | ||||
| BE DIALING! | posted on 03-13-2001 @ 9:46 PM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Oct. 00 | My best drunk story??? My second year at Hofstra in lovely Hempstead NY was quite an eventful one. On the last day of finals, me and my fraternity brother Vinny had reason to celebrate, I had just garnered a whopping 0.75 GPA(thats 3 F's and a D for those keeping score), and he had been thrown out of school for doing even worse. Anyway, we started doing shots of Jager and Blackhaus, and next thing I know, I was puking all over the bathroom of the Pizza place next door to the bar we were at. Anyway, somebody found me a put me on the Campus Bus. I Managed to figure out which stop was mine, and stumbled into my dorm. I made it no further the the front door of my building and passed out in the hallway. My roommate came down about an hour later to get a soda and found me. He dragged me down the hall and up the stairs by my leg to our suite and left me on the bathroom floor, where I remember amusing myself by blowing snot bubbles on the floor. After this, I remember nothing. I have been told though that Vinny came looking for me an hour or so later, and despite my roommate's request, choose to wake me up. I sat up Indian style, and proceded to projectile vomit around the entire bathroom, then fall back asleep in a pool of my own vomit. Vinny, obviously content, passed out himself, leaving my roommate two choices, clean me and the bathroom up, or smell puke until I got up and did it myself. He choose to clean it up. Anyway, I ended up with alcohol poisoning and didn't get out of bed for 2 days, my roommate didn't speak to me for a week, and Vinny got up the next morning and went to work as if nothing ever happened. God damn do I miss college! VIRRRRGINS PEOPLE!!! And ... A McGwire Rookie Card!  E-Mail Me | ||||
| OPM * chick | posted on 03-13-2001 @ 10:40 PM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Mar. 01 | lol no drunk story here, but u guys reminded me of this one part of the song El Capitan: "now what happened that night u can't quite recall fact is boy u can't remember at all (what?) u woke up in the mornin' with a spinnin head and a teenage girl lyin' next 2 u in bed u kicked her out and then u slammed the door (bam) tryin to forget about the night before a month goes by, u can't remember the date the girl's @ ur door sayin' "boy I'm late!" that's what u get for out-playin' the ho and now u got a kid with a girl u don't know the 1st thing u thought when she dropped the bomb shouldn't have been f*ckin' with El Capitan" *hope this never happens 2 any of you people* ;) This message was edited by OPM * chick on 3-14-01 @ 12:10 AM | ||||
| geedagreek | posted on 03-15-2001 @ 2:48 AM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Sep. 00 | hey jon, i think i was at that party...was ther some guy screamin "stay away from the legend" there? what a douchebag...and some guy named marco wanted to touch thi guy named froy....what? why is every body looking at me??????? official drunk driver of the fuck truck.... | ||||
Displaying 1-16 of 16 messages in this thread. |