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 Displaying 1-25 of 108 messages in this thread. |
| Posted By | Discussion Topic: Ask Dear Grumpy - Part II (Serious Questions Only) | ||||
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| Grumpy SAGILLID The Midget Message Board Mauler rides his trusty mount Wilbur once again!! Internet Idiots beware!! | posted on 03-15-2001 @ 11:29 AM |    | |||
| O&A Board Veteran Registered: Dec. 00  | As I sit here and read gonzostyles posts, I come to realize that the one thing missing on the board is an outlet for therapy. In the spirit of helping Gonzo and other lost souls (and to be quite honest, for my own personal amusement), Ask Dear Grumpy is back. Have a problem? Ask Dear Grumpy. SERIOUS QUESTIONS ONLY PLEASE. Be Dialin People. Be dialin.  Newest members of the Grumpy's: FDA & ItsASickness Report all of their inappropriate behaviors to me. The Nicey-Nice Midget "Welcome to Camp Nicey-Nice. Now take a number, sit down and shut the fuck up" - The Late Great CBH | ||||
...And now the battle between us and them has begun. JYD-4-LIFE. | posted on 03-15-2001 @ 11:44 AM | | |||
| O&A Board Veteran Registered: May. 00 | Dear Grumpy, i have a problem. people seem to be scared of me on a certain unnamed message board. i hear stories of other people getting emails from members asking questions, yet i get nothing. am i really that bad a person? i thought i was nice, a nicey nice guy in fact, but ive learned different i guess. what can i do to be better liked?? sincerely mr. ego :)  i'm the one with this big fucking hole no new tale to tell twenty-six years on my way to hell gotta listen to your big time hard line bad luck fist fuck don't think you're having all the fun you know me i hate everyone-NIN | ||||
| Ronreddog | posted on 03-15-2001 @ 11:49 AM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Oct. 00 | Okay, Grumpy. First, your status needs to be updated from Psychotic Midget to Psychiatric Midget. Second, is this going to be like the Sopranos, are you now Dr. Melfi? I will be Tony, but, I don't want to fuck you! Finally, I have this pain in my chest, it feels like heartburn, oh, what a minute, wrong advise! My first adoptee: Inappropriate Belle My second adoptee: King F-Tard   GRRRRRR! E-Mail Me | ||||
| MaynardGKrebs | posted on 03-15-2001 @ 11:50 AM | | |||
| O&A Board Veteran Registered: Jan. 01 | How do I get my status changed? :That old gag: Oh, SERIOUS QUESTIONS, well, Dear Grumpy, I have this rectal itching thing. It's a constant itching and there's some redness and some occasional bleeding. I've tried TUCKS and that doesn't work, what else can I do? Signed, Can't Stop Dragging My Ass Across The Room Like A Dog Oh, that's not it either? WEll, everytime I see this one member on the board, I have an urge to call him a dick. What do I do?   Trainwreck RadioThis message was edited by MaynardGKrebs on 3-15-01 @ 12:00 PM | ||||
| Grumpy SAGILLID The Midget Message Board Mauler rides his trusty mount Wilbur once again!! Internet Idiots beware!! | posted on 03-15-2001 @ 12:01 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Veteran Registered: Dec. 00 | Wow I didn't expect business to pick up so soon. Dear Mr. Ego, I feel your pain. Truth be told, it's not because their scared of you. It has more to do with your hygeine. You may want to contemplate bathing more than once a month. When you change your clothes, it doesn't mean turn them inside out every other week. it means put something else on that doesn't smell like the cat took a shit in it. Thank you for asking Dear Grumpy. I hope I've been able to shed light on your problem. Grumpy ============================================== Dear Red Dog, I am not wearing a short skirt, going on drinking binges and fucking the doctor next door. If you feel the need the call yourself "tony", please feel free. May I suggest the Christopher Street district in manhattan as an 'alternative' hangout to get over your dilusions. I'm sure you'll find someone there who'll call you tony (or anything else for that matter). As for the chest pains, tell the landlady to stop sitting on your chest. It may help if you paid your rent on time. Thank you for asking Dear Grumpy. I hope I've been able to shed light on your problem. Grumpy ================================== Dear Ass Scratcher, I don't want to feel your pain. But in my opinion, you might want to stop going down to the clinic for those experimental tests. If you've noticed, the nubs on your ass are growing as you speak. That's actually a tail of donkey that's growing. They've implanted mule genes into your bloodstream. Soon, you will become a full grown bonafide JackAss. Congradulations. Thank you for asking Dear Grumpy. I hope I've been able to shed light on your problem. Grumpy Newest members of the Grumpy's: FDA & ItsASickness Report all of their inappropriate behaviors to me. The Nicey-Nice Midget "Welcome to Camp Nicey-Nice. Now take a number, sit down and shut the fuck up" - The Late Great CBH | ||||
| Cap'n Fudge | posted on 03-15-2001 @ 12:02 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Oct. 00 | Dear Grumpy, I can't stop the screaming I hear everyday, all the time! Sometimes it tells me to do things...bad things, but I rarely listen. How can I get the voices to start singing or telling jokes? Signed, There's Nothing Wrong that Beer Won't Cure! Ventriliquist Detective [email protected] | ||||
I Need An Old Priest And A Young Priest | posted on 03-15-2001 @ 12:02 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Oct. 00 | Dear Grumpy: I actually like Stalker Patty’s Ass, and I am afraid that she might not make it as a finalist? Should I get signatures for her entry or should I just let it go? ps anybody believing this has more problems then Grumpy can help  | ||||
| Grumpy SAGILLID The Midget Message Board Mauler rides his trusty mount Wilbur once again!! Internet Idiots beware!! | posted on 03-15-2001 @ 12:10 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Veteran Registered: Dec. 00 | Dear There's Nothing Wrong that Beer can't cure (so true, so damn true) I feel your pain. Listen to the voices. Be one with the voices. Do what the voices tell you to do. In order to overcome a problem you have to face it head on. If the voices are telling you to give all your worldly possesions to me, listen to it and obey. If the voices are telling to wear a dress and call yourself Suzie, listen to it (and leave your number for MetalFan, he'll call you next week). The problem lies in your unwillingness to listen. Thank you for asking Dear Grumpy. I hope I've been able to shed light on your problem. Grumpy ================================== Dear Joey LittleDick, First off, there is very little that Dear Grumpy can not help with. Homosexual tendencies of other board members is one of them. But aside from that I can help you. I believe that you have some very deep rooted issues with your parents that lead you to believe that supporting the impossible is a good thing. Tell me, when you tried out for little league and the other kids stripped you naked and threw in the fountain, I bet your dad encouraged you to continue to play. What about when you went on your very first date and tried to hold his... I mean her hand and she slapped you, did your Mom tell you that your first cousin always does that on dates and that you should keep trying. Give up there Joey. It aint happenin. You're more liable to get laid in a whorehouse with a fist full of fifties ( a slim chance) then Stalker Patty becoming a finalist. Thank you for asking Dear Grumpy. I hope I've been able to shed light on your problem. Grumpy Newest members of the Grumpy's: FDA & ItsASickness Report all of their inappropriate behaviors to me. The Nicey-Nice Midget "Welcome to Camp Nicey-Nice. Now take a number, sit down and shut the fuck up" - The Late Great CBH | ||||
| GonzoStyle | posted on 03-15-2001 @ 12:18 PM | | |||
| Hanger-On Registered: Jan. 70 | Dear Frumpy, I been accused of being a crude cocksucking asshole. That’s ok, I can take constructive criticism - BUT IF MY GRANDMOTHER EVER SAYS THAT AGAIN I’LL KICK HER FUCKIN HEAD IN! - I am a shy and sensitive guy! I’m so shy that I fuck with the coffin lid down, and I am sensitive enough to wait until after the funeral. That’s right Dear frumpy, I ‘m so shy and sensitive I’m a necrophiliac - a corpse copulater, a stiff stuffer - I poke the past-on, I lay the late lamented - sexual intercorpse. I crawled out of my closet years ago and straight into the nearest open fuckin’ casket. But being this shy and sensitive can be hard. I get sick of hanging around discos waiting for some chick to OD. In fact, just the other night I came across a car accident (nice and fresh) - but just as I was about to stick my dick in it turns out the bitch was still alive! I hate a woman that fakes death… So could you please give me some advice as to where I may get lucky? I fear if I don’t empty my swollen dusters soon I may be forced to take up a new hobby like nose picking - and we all know how socially unacceptable that little vice is…...ughhh yeah Sincerly The Hook Nose Necrophiliac  Kid Touching Freak Of OpieAnthony.com Touching Children One At A Time This message was edited by GonzoStyle on 3-15-01 @ 12:22 PM | ||||
| Sloatsburgh | posted on 03-15-2001 @ 12:22 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Oct. 00 | Dear Grumpy, Sometimes when I find myself visiting other message boards, I find myself calling other posters "Ass-Eff", "Dillon", "F-Tards", "Tools" etc.... I have even plagerized the "Sit on a Bicycle Sproket" a couple of times. I realize that I am no longer the friendly, helpful poster, but that I find myself emulating the heroes of this board. Have I become addicted to this board? Is there an easy way to balance the duality of board personallities? Was Total Recall a dream?  "I use you for good board I'm not your friend" Guided by Dryblood. | ||||
| Grumpy SAGILLID The Midget Message Board Mauler rides his trusty mount Wilbur once again!! Internet Idiots beware!! | posted on 03-15-2001 @ 12:23 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Veteran Registered: Dec. 00 | Dear Hose Nose Necro: I feel your pain. No I really do. Find a good stiff to put your good stiff one into is not an easy task. But I'll get to that in a minute. I want to address your inability to accept criticism well. ya useless piece of dogcrap dried up for 2 weeks and thrown in woods looking excuse of a human being. I think you need to address your self esteem in a more confident manner. That's a start. As for finding a good place to find bodies, have you thought about getting a job at a nursing home. Most of the patience are dead. They just don't know it yet. I suggest you find on that specializes in Alzheimer patients. That way, they'll forget that you were just there and not mind if you did it to them again. As for the hobby thing, nose picking for you would be considered a full time job. That's a hell of a nose ya got there buddy. Have you tried Underwater Basket Weaving? Thank you for asking Dear Grumpy. I hope I've been able to shed light on your problem. Grumpy Newest members of the Grumpy's: FDA & ItsASickness Report all of their inappropriate behaviors to me. The Nicey-Nice Midget "Welcome to Camp Nicey-Nice. Now take a number, sit down and shut the fuck up" - The Late Great CBH This message was edited by Grumpy on 3-15-01 @ 12:29 PM | ||||
| Grumpy SAGILLID The Midget Message Board Mauler rides his trusty mount Wilbur once again!! Internet Idiots beware!! | posted on 03-15-2001 @ 12:30 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Veteran Registered: Dec. 00 | Dear Sloatsburg, First off, move from that town. Only retarded ex-radio station workers live in the worlds biggest speed trap. As for you tendencies to use words like "dillon" or "ass-f" or "retard" or "Homo" are a reflection of your own personality that comes out on the board. You say it because deep down inside you feel you deserve it yourself. I hope you have a wonderful day. If your addiction seems to grow I also suggest you contact Buttmunch for a copy of the 12 Step Program of "OA.Com Anonymous". I'm sure we can find a sponsor for you. Thank you for asking Dear Grumpy. I hope I've been able to shed light on your problem. Grumpy Newest members of the Grumpy's: FDA & ItsASickness Report all of their inappropriate behaviors to me. The Nicey-Nice Midget "Welcome to Camp Nicey-Nice. Now take a number, sit down and shut the fuck up" - The Late Great CBH | ||||
| Doc Smith I Love Anthony Zinni | posted on 03-15-2001 @ 12:31 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Sep. 00 | Grumpy, Is it possible to mastubate too much Um, purely hypothetically of course Wait, wait, when did this turn into Lovelines?  | ||||
| GonzoStyle | posted on 03-15-2001 @ 12:39 PM | | |||
| Hanger-On Registered: Jan. 70 | Dear Frumpy sometimes while im fucking my grandmother she plays dead well it scares the fucking shit out of me and its not the first time shes done it now i have daydreams of actually fucking her dead body and it turns me on my question is is it illegal or morally wrong to take an old lady into the woods and fire russet potatoes up her ass with a tennis ball launcher till shes dead then sodomize her? let me know cause i really wanna try it Sincerly From Granny Lover. Kid Touching Freak Of OpieAnthony.com Touching Children One At A Time | ||||
| Kid Afrika | posted on 03-15-2001 @ 12:41 PM | | |||
| Hanger-On Registered: Jan. 70 | If I was to get my foot stuck in a midget's ass, should I try and remove it? Or find another midget, so I can have a matching pair of shoes?
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| Grumpy SAGILLID The Midget Message Board Mauler rides his trusty mount Wilbur once again!! Internet Idiots beware!! | posted on 03-15-2001 @ 12:45 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Veteran Registered: Dec. 00 | Dear Doc, There is no such thing as too much masturbation. Just ask KidA, he'll verify it for you. The problem lies in the technique. Too much too soon, ya forget to grab a tissue. Too much too long, ya get cramps and callus build up. It's a formula of finding the right balance or duration and method. And for the love of all that is evil, do not use gonzo's method with the steel wool. I hurt to 2 weeks and couldn't pee standing up. Thank you for asking Dear Grumpy. I hope I've been able to shed light on your problem. Grumpy ============================================== Dear Kid, I answer your question with a question. Ever have a midget kick you in the balls? Just something to think about. Grumpy ================================================== Dear Granny Lover, Using the tennis ball machine has a tendency to get messy. Set it too high, the spuds go thru her body and out her skull. Granted, that makes for good skull fucking but that's not your objective. Set it too low and she's clogged up. From what you told me the last time, you have enough problems with your 2 inch wang to have to worry about unclogging her. I suggest you use a super soaker and a mix of methanol, bleach and ajax. Shoot it in her, wait 2 days, the go at it. don't worry about smell or deteriation, that's what the bleach is for. Have fun and please tell me how it works out for you. Thank you for asking Dear Grumpy. I hope I've been able to shed light on your problem. Grumpy Newest members of the Grumpy's: FDA & ItsASickness Report all of their inappropriate behaviors to me. The Nicey-Nice Midget "Welcome to Camp Nicey-Nice. Now take a number, sit down and shut the fuck up" - The Late Great CBH This message was edited by Grumpy on 3-15-01 @ 12:56 PM | ||||
I Need An Old Priest And A Young Priest | posted on 03-15-2001 @ 12:47 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Oct. 00 | I would personally like to thank Grumpy for all of his response to my problem. I feel that the light he shed on my problem will help my situation and all that have similar problems. I have become a new man and I hope this enlightenment will let me spread my sunshine to opieanthony.com. | ||||
| Cap'n Fudge | posted on 03-15-2001 @ 1:00 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Oct. 00 | Grumpy, Is it "normal" for a grown man to be tucked in every night by his "uncle" who insists he wears Dukes of Hazzard pjs and a retainer? Signed Herpes Ventriliquist Detective [email protected] | ||||
| FukMeBoobs | posted on 03-15-2001 @ 1:02 PM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Feb. 01 | Dear Grumpy, I have this problem...well I don't know if it's a problem but it pertains to relationships. I'm in a relationship now and it's going really great. But, why do I constantly think about my ex? The ex is all I think about even during hot anal sex, I almost caught myself screaming his name instead of my boyfriends name. Love is such a bitch...I think I need to move to Utah where polygamy is accepted. What do you think I should do? Thanks, FMB Proud to be Tequila's 1st adoptee. | ||||
| GonzoStyle | posted on 03-15-2001 @ 1:04 PM | | |||
| Hanger-On Registered: Jan. 70 | Dear Frumpy You have been so helpful and key in getting my life back on track. Yet i have another problem. Help, I found my dog fucking my girlfriend the other day. Do I congratulate the dog on it's good taste, or should I rip it's fucking head off? Also, why would my girlfriend do this??? I know the dog's gotta bigger dick than me but fuck, I can do more than the doggie style and my breath does'nt stink so much???? Plus i was thinking maybe cause for the past few days my dick has been dribbling a lot. I think it was the cocoa puffs i had that we're past their expiration date. Yours worried 2 Inch Kid Touching Freak Of OpieAnthony.com Touching Children One At A Time This message was edited by GonzoStyle on 3-15-01 @ 1:07 PM | ||||
| Grumpy SAGILLID The Midget Message Board Mauler rides his trusty mount Wilbur once again!! Internet Idiots beware!! | posted on 03-15-2001 @ 1:04 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Veteran Registered: Dec. 00 | Dear Herpes, I remember when I had the same prob ... I mean I had a patient with a very similar problem. His aunt would insist on joining him in the shower even though he was 14 years old and capable of washing his own backside and frontside and soaping up with lather and rubbing all over his body over and over again, let the warm water bead over his body and his mind wandered til the emotions came to a climax and. . . . . I'm sorry, what was your question again? Grumpy ============================ To those that wants answer, I will get to you shortly. The good doctor is going for his daily constitutional and will help everyone when he returns. Please feel to leave your SERIOUS QUESTIONS for him. ============================ Newest members of the Grumpy's: FDA & ItsASickness Report all of their inappropriate behaviors to me. The Nicey-Nice Midget "Welcome to Camp Nicey-Nice. Now take a number, sit down and shut the fuck up" - The Late Great CBH This message was edited by Grumpy on 3-15-01 @ 1:14 PM | ||||
| MaynardGKrebs | posted on 03-15-2001 @ 1:08 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Veteran Registered: Jan. 01 | Hey GS, did you sniff his paw afterwards?Trainwreck Radio | ||||
| Ronreddog | posted on 03-15-2001 @ 1:14 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Oct. 00 | I know this is Grumpy's thread, but I must interject. FukMeBoobs, I have a solution to your problem. Let me give you hot anal, and you will forget about both of them, and fall in love with me. After all, dogs love doggie style! ;) My first adoptee: Inappropriate Belle My second adoptee: King F-Tard GRRRRRR!E-Mail Me | ||||
| Kid Afrika | posted on 03-15-2001 @ 1:34 PM | | |||
| Hanger-On Registered: Jan. 70 | quote: Nope, but if you're gonna try, you'll need this. ::hands frumpy a step ladder::
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| Grumpy SAGILLID The Midget Message Board Mauler rides his trusty mount Wilbur once again!! Internet Idiots beware!! | posted on 03-15-2001 @ 1:38 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Veteran Registered: Dec. 00 | Okay the good doctor is back from his afternoon constitutional. First off, I'd like to make a note to certain people ::coughcoughdogmaynardkidacoughcough:: that if you don't have anything interesting to ask or add, please see the reception at the door for your gift on the way OUT. Now! Back to questions.... Dear FMB, I truly , truly feel your pain. You poor lost soul. Often is the time when a person has links to their past that won't let go. Your attention to your ex stems from the lack of a good hard romp n bump with your current boyfriend. What you need is to find yourself a new focus of attention. Someone who can satisfy beyond your desires and never leave you wanting for more. Maybe a vertically challenged individual with a prowness to helping others. It's just a suggestions. If you'd like to discuss this one on one in a more "private" setting, please feel free to call my receptionist to make an appointment. Just make sure she has the time to schedule you as she's kicking the shit out of people who have a tendency to defile threads. Thank you for asking Dear Grumpy. I hope I've been able to shed light on your problem. Grumpy ============================================= Dear Pooch Screwer , If your girlfriend has more pleasure from your dog then you, I suggest you have a heart to heart conversation with your dog and find out what he's doing to please her. Perhaps your dog can give you a lesson or two. If your dog is unwilling to talk to you , I suggest you contact RedDog. I hear he's good at giving guys lesson in sex educations. Thank you for asking Dear Grumpy. I hope I've been able to shed light on your problem. Grumpy Newest members of the Grumpy's: FDA & ItsASickness Report all of their inappropriate behaviors to me. The Nicey-Nice Midget "Welcome to Camp Nicey-Nice. Now take a number, sit down and shut the fuck up" - The Late Great CBH | ||||
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Displaying 1-25 of 108 messages in this thread. |