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| Posted By | Discussion Topic: Worst Sex Stories..in the gonzostyle ofcourse. | ||||
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| GonzoStyle | posted on 02-23-2001 @ 10:43 PM |    | |||
| Hanger-On Registered: Jan. 70  | Now since its a new board and a fresh start i figured off topic need a bit of gonzo in it. So what better way then one of my scenarios. Please feel free to share some of your worst sexual experiences. But make them good, none of that hey it slipped out before i came or she bit me or any of that shit. One of my worst sexual experiences was when i was having anal with my grandmother and all of a sudden she went limp and i flip the bitch over and her mouth is open and her eyes shut. I start shaking the whore yelled "granny wake up, you whore." Then her eyes pop open and she laughs. I was so pissed i shoved it in her mouth and ramed her. Damn i hate when grandma plays dead during anal really freaks me out. Now another thing i hate is when you get some nice immigrant boy who is a bit too mature like 6 or 7 and he starts to learn english. Words like "No, Please stop, and Please it won't fit there." Just pisses me off. Have any questions? please feel free to ask Dr. Gonzo.  Do you know how pale & wanton thrillful comes death on a strange hour unannounced, unplanned for like a scaring over-friendly guest you've brought to bed Death makes angels of us all & gives us wings where we had shoulders smooth as raven's claws --Jim Morrison (An American Prayer) | ||||
| That Guy | posted on 02-23-2001 @ 10:52 PM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Dec. 00 | I thought I had the only my grandma who has a sick sense of humor. Must be a generational thing. As for the kids. Be smart man . Keep em in a sound proof room so they hear and learn nothing. And no TV!!! Thats how they might learn how to escape and make weapons. Oh I forgot LMAO you sick bastard! "Cry havoc...and let slip the dogs of war!" This message was edited by That Guy on 2-23-01 @ 10:59 PM | ||||
| DIRTY_HARRY | posted on 02-23-2001 @ 11:06 PM | | |||
| Hanger-On Registered: Oct. 00 | Good one Gonzo but ill do you one better....My granny was dead when we had anal Yuk Yuk Yuk http://www.geocities.com/media0331 IM A TALKER NOT A STALKER "GIVE ME IMMORTALITY OR GIVE ME DEATH" Should learn to mind his own fucking business but I wont This message was edited by DIRTY_HARRY on 2-23-01 @ 11:08 PM | ||||
| GonzoStyle | posted on 02-23-2001 @ 11:39 PM | | |||
| Hanger-On Registered: Jan. 70 | well that guy i agree but i also hate dealing with hearing tiny bones cracking when you bang some 4 year old. thats why i moved up to 5 better bone structure. Then i also had an embarassing moment in my HS days. One night when I was at this party, I met this girl. We were on our way upstairs to fuck. She went first, and I stopped to brag to one of my friends about getting laid by this totally hot chick! I went upstairs and opened the bedroom door. There was a girl laying on the bed, passed out, so I took off her pants and started to fuck her. After a while, my friends came to bug me about getting laid, and they turned on the light. Everyone stopped because we all realized that i was fucking my sister. How do I look her in the face now? We don't talk and everyone still makes fun of us for that night. Now whenever i see my sister all i can think of was the best lay i ever had in my life. Do you know how pale & wanton thrillful comes death on a strange hour unannounced, unplanned for like a scaring over-friendly guest you've brought to bed Death makes angels of us all & gives us wings where we had shoulders smooth as raven's claws --Jim Morrison (An American Prayer) | ||||
King Shit *board owner* | posted on 02-23-2001 @ 11:43 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Veteran Registered: Feb. 01 | This has to be the funniest thing I have ever read in my life LMAO!!! ~Matt/Froy from Jersey The Hell Hole Official Protector of Gay Marco & SwampJunk...if he ever decides to post. Also providing total immunity to Fayth | ||||
| Grumpy SAGILLID The Midget Message Board Mauler rides his trusty mount Wilbur once again!! Internet Idiots beware!! | posted on 02-23-2001 @ 11:50 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Veteran Registered: Dec. 00 | man oh man. they transfer the server and the fucking inmates are running the asylum. what do i see? Gonzo style with 3 threads on sex. What the hell is wrong with you man? don't you sleep?  Proud staller of Gary Coleman Have you seen the dash button? | ||||
| GonzoStyle | posted on 02-23-2001 @ 11:50 PM | | |||
| Hanger-On Registered: Jan. 70 | well froy you gotta have fayth but we all know your worst sexual story. But i know this is not a story but its more os a sexual problem but i think many others should learn from my mistakes. Please do not do the following. I have a sexual problem! Every time I am shopping at the grocery store I buy lots of large eggplants - for fucks sake man - I fill two or three shopping carts full. Then I take them home (the eggplants) and dress them up in little clothing items and whatnot. Then I place them around the kitchen table and play 'house' and when we are done eating our oatmeal I pick the biggest one, yank the fucker up by the remaining vine, slap a fuckin MAXX Condom on the bastard, hit it with two cups of canola oil and spend the rest of the evening trying to stuff the 'fukin whore' eggplant up my ass. The problem is - my girlfriend thinks this is slightly abnormal behavior, but then she likes for me to grease up those large turkey-fat-free-sausages and forcefully ram them up her cats pussy while she masterbates to old Clit Eastwoody movies: 'The Good, The Bad and the Fugly' for instance. Well - by God - at the same time she wants me to lick her piss-stained panty croth and scream" Jesus is a fucking Fag" and stuff like that . Then my mom wheels herself down the ramp and starts wanting me to eat her MS numbed twat while she shits in cellophane. Needless to say - the crux of my goddamn sexual problem is as follows : I can't bust a nut when a large eggplant is in my ass because my mom is shitting in cellophane and the cat is clawing my nut-sack to a bloody pulp? Do you know how pale & wanton thrillful comes death on a strange hour unannounced, unplanned for like a scaring over-friendly guest you've brought to bed Death makes angels of us all & gives us wings where we had shoulders smooth as raven's claws --Jim Morrison (An American Prayer) | ||||
| That Guy | posted on 02-23-2001 @ 11:51 PM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Dec. 00 | Gonzostyle Yes 4 year old breakage is a problem. If you can't get a sturdy 5 . Take a large 4 and wrap in duct tape. You must pre moisturize to avoid tearing too much flesh when you remove the tape. I wish I could relate to the sister thing but I have brothers and there is this restraining order thing that prevents me from attending most family functions. "Cry havoc...and let slip the dogs of war!" | ||||
| o&aswallow | posted on 02-23-2001 @ 11:55 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Jan. 01 | Well thanks for this thread Gonzo. I was just considering logging off and heading updtairs to bang the wife. If I hadn't gotten sick from the thought of you actually fucking, your grandmother, sister and 6 year old boys, I may have actually gone through with it and fucked my wife. Thanks Gonzo, I owe you!!  It at first you don't succeed, keep on sucking till you do suck seed. - Curly Howard. | ||||
King Shit *board owner* | posted on 02-23-2001 @ 11:56 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Veteran Registered: Feb. 01 | You have a truly twisted mind my friend...ROFL ~Matt/Froy from Jersey The Hell Hole Official Protector of Gay Marco & SwampJunk...if he ever decides to post. Also providing total immunity to Fayth | ||||
| Grumpy SAGILLID The Midget Message Board Mauler rides his trusty mount Wilbur once again!! Internet Idiots beware!! | posted on 02-24-2001 @ 12:00 AM | | |||
| O&A Board Veteran Registered: Dec. 00 | Gonzo, What the fuck is wrong with you? Last week it was zuchinni. this week eggplant? Get therapy ya sick bastards ROTFFLMMFAOPIMP | ||||
| CriticsLoveSnatch i know better than to ask for a status from you mean ol' mods I shall call him mini-FTL | posted on 02-24-2001 @ 12:02 AM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Oct. 00 | my god this is the funniest shit i've heard since the shitting in the litter box story a few weeks ago...gonzo you are truly twisted "Never Underestimate the Power of Stupid People in Large Groups" | ||||
| That Guy | posted on 02-24-2001 @ 12:02 AM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Dec. 00 | Can't keep this up ....trying to type through tears....must catch breath. Bow to Gonzostyle once again. Need sleep and my crack pipe. "Cry havoc...and let slip the dogs of war!" | ||||
| GonzoStyle | posted on 02-24-2001 @ 12:11 AM | | |||
| Hanger-On Registered: Jan. 70 | Well i always think well why is it so hard to get laid? I mean you spend so much time and money just to get laid. But i found and interesting tidbit a while ago. My friends in the operating theatre and hospital morgue have told me that the way to keep things exciting is to fuck people who are brain dead, because at least they’re still warm. You'll find these people in the following places: 1. Metallica shows 2. Korn shows 3. Limp Bizkit shows 4. Kid Rock shows 5. Live shows 6. Bush shows 7. No Doubt shows 8. KKK rallies 9. All legal systems, banks and government departments throughout the world 10. Iraq 11. France 12. Canada 13. Kansas And feel free to kill them when you're done. They're almost dead anyways, and you'd be doing us a great big favor. True, the population would drop drastcially in every single country..More naughty goth bitches for me.. Do you know how pale & wanton thrillful comes death on a strange hour unannounced, unplanned for like a scaring over-friendly guest you've brought to bed Death makes angels of us all & gives us wings where we had shoulders smooth as raven's claws --Jim Morrison (An American Prayer) | ||||
| Romeo Manson | posted on 02-24-2001 @ 9:42 AM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Sep. 00 | the crux of my goddamn sexual problem is as follows : I can't bust a nut when a large eggplant is in my ass because my mom is shitting in cellophane and the cat is clawing my nut-sack to a bloody pulp? Solution to your problem: Get rid of the cat | ||||
| Sephiroth | posted on 02-24-2001 @ 10:06 AM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Dec. 00 | C'mon Gonzo, you know damn well that everybody in Kansas is Braindead. " At the center of the planet, all souls will gather. There, I will ascend to Godhood" - Sephiroth "Hey are you "THE" white guy all the brother talk about?" - Vos E-Mail Me | ||||
| GonzoStyle | posted on 02-24-2001 @ 9:08 PM | | |||
| Hanger-On Registered: Jan. 70 | quote: Yeah but getting your nuts scratched can be a good thing sometimes Do you know how pale & wanton thrillful comes death on a strange hour unannounced, unplanned for like a scaring over-friendly guest you've brought to bed Death makes angels of us all & gives us wings where we had shoulders smooth as raven's claws --Jim Morrison (An American Prayer) | ||||
| white shorts | posted on 02-24-2001 @ 9:17 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Jan. 01 | Goddam Gonzo, that was some sick shit. Sick but hilarious. LMAO | ||||
| Banana_juice | posted on 02-27-2001 @ 12:07 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Jan. 01 | I just saw this post just now , so i am going to share with you, my board memeber friends, perhaps the sickest sexual experience that has happened to me or any of my friends. I was back in 1998, and a bunch of us where at a bar, and someone said they will buy me a shot and a beer if i went up to this fat girl and hit on her.. so i did, we talked, i complimented her, and danced with her and all that crap. so then they all bet me money that i would not bring her home. i didnt have to do anything with her, just bring her home.. so at the end of the night, i was like, hey, you wanna go back to my place so you dont have to drive home drunk.. so she goes back to my place. after about 10 minutes, she goes to use my bathroom. no big deal. so after about 20 minutes of hanging out with her, i was drunk remember,I decided to do a little hoggin.. so we start going at it,and move into my bedroom.of course the lights are out.. so i get her undressed, and go down on her for a while, and vice versa, and then we get down to the deed.. i put my condom on and start to go to town..so after i finish, i go to the bathroom to take off my jimmy hat. i turn on the bathroom light and low and behold. i am covered from chin to legs in blood. the fuckin bitch had her period and never told me. it turns out that she went to the bathroom when we got there so she can take out her fuckin tampon.. so here i am , my face has blood on it as well as my chest, hands, cock, and legs..so the only thing i could do is throw up.. so i get back to my room after puking and washing up, and turn on my bedroom light.. blood all over my sheets, and it soaked through to my mattress. i had to throw the sheets out and get a new mattress. there it is. that is the sickest sexual experience that ever happened to me. at least i have my red wings, right? proud graduate of Newbie University. Honor Student of Lord Magus's class. E-Mail Me | ||||
| MaynardGKrebs | posted on 02-27-2001 @ 1:47 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Veteran Registered: Jan. 01 | The moral of this story.......never fuck a fat chick.... _________________________ Sully, remember how I told you I'd kill you last? I lied. | ||||
| mynameisbill | posted on 02-27-2001 @ 2:41 PM | | |||
| Hanger-On Registered: Nov. 00 | That story is sickening bananajuice. Did you throw her out of the house? | ||||
| Banana_juice | posted on 02-27-2001 @ 2:59 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Jan. 01 | your damn right i did, i told her to leave because i had to go to bed on the couch so i can wake up and buy a new mattress. but the kicker is , the next week, there was a knock on my door at like 2 one morning and it was her. but i didnt answer it and i have never seen her since. proud graduate of Newbie University. Honor Student of Lord Magus's class. E-Mail Me | ||||
| GonzoStyle | posted on 02-27-2001 @ 3:31 PM | | |||
| Hanger-On Registered: Jan. 70 | bananna great story bro But it's OK that you had strawberry jam on your chin. Just be thankful you didnt have any peanut butter on your forehead. Do you know how pale & wanton thrillful comes death on a strange hour unannounced, unplanned for like a scaring over-friendly guest you've brought to bed Death makes angels of us all & gives us wings where we had shoulders smooth as raven's claws --Jim Morrison (An American Prayer) | ||||
| Banana_juice | posted on 02-27-2001 @ 3:52 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Jan. 01 | gonzostyle, just when i thought my story couldnt get any worse, you have to put that thought in my head. i did hook up with some chick one night that when i pulled her panties down, she had some massive skidmarks, so i did not go down on her. proud graduate of Newbie University. Honor Student of Lord Magus's class. E-Mail Me | ||||
| GonzoStyle | posted on 02-27-2001 @ 4:32 PM | | |||
| Hanger-On Registered: Jan. 70 | well banana we all know jam and panute butter goes best with some wonder bread so best to find a chick who is having a period with some skid marks who has a case of yeast infection. maybe if you're lucky she'll be lactating and you'll get some milk to go with it. Do you know how pale & wanton thrillful comes death on a strange hour unannounced, unplanned for like a scaring over-friendly guest you've brought to bed Death makes angels of us all & gives us wings where we had shoulders smooth as raven's claws --Jim Morrison (An American Prayer) | ||||
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