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Posted By	Discussion Topic: U.S. Pimps on Strike; Union Contends 'Pimpin' Ain't Easy'
WoRMFACE	posted on 03-24-2001 @ 7:51 AM
O&A Board Regular Registered: Oct. 00	got this off of Visit this Website ---------------------------------------- DETROIT, MI--In devastating news for both the sex industry and shops selling crushed velvet pantsuits, the United Pimp Workers Union declared a "wildcat" strike on Monday. (In a sympathy strike, all Mac-Daddies, Playas and Bad-Ass Motherfuckers also walked off work.) American cities were choked with gridlock as whores aimlessly walked the streets to and fro, banging into each other and tourists alike, and foolhardily offering to "suck yo dick for free" to all automobiles cruising by. "Yo’, we ain’t doin' shit till we get us some cheddar, ya dig?" proclaimed controversial U.P.W. President Ice-T. "And to all them Johns out there wonderin’ what'll bring an end to this strike, I got just two words for ya’ll. Bling, bling!" Bling, bling is indeed at the heart of this matter, as the labor dispute arose last week during contract negotiations between the pimps, the prostitute union H.O.E. (Hookers Organized for Equality) and "The Man" (representing the interests of Johns) over the controversial issue of coitus commissions. At a press conference Ice-T, along with union spokesperson Iceberg Slim and sergeant-at-arms Romaine Lettuce Leroy, spoke in detail about what caused the negotiations to break down at the 11th hour. Said Iceberg, "In all a my years of pimp-a-tood, we have been nothin’ but generous and reasonable--but man these people have got to be trippin’. First of all, these Johns say they wanna be able to do all dis freaky-weird shit with my whores for no extra charge. And them bitches? Man, these bitches today got sticky fingers... like they hands is covered in some kinda peanut butter and jelly shit or somethin'. So when these ho's said they wanted to reduce our cut of their evening’s receipts from 90% to 75%, we said, ‘Say whaaa? Bitch, you best back that ass up’." The pimps also contend that the reduction in wages could threaten the planned upgrading of their union’s health care plan. Said Romaine Lettuce Leroy, "Shit, movies like Dolemite and The Mack make pimpin' seem all glamorous and stuff, but it's hard work. I'm up at the crack of dawn, smokin' crack and turnin' out my groggy ho’s before most people even wipe the crust outta their eyes. My pimp hand is strong, but sometimes when I'm workin' it 24-7, I get carpal tunnel syndrome somethin' fierce. And our currently our HMO don’t cover the physical therapy I need." In reaction to this pimp strike, the Dow Jones and the NASDAQ dropped to lows not seen since 1989, as stock brockers on Wall Street were too busy having free sex with prostitutes to actually trade stocks. This crisis looks to be the first test of the new George W. Bush presidency; outgoing chief Bill Clinton has refused to address the issue, saying, "Man, what do I care! I'm on vacation starting next week, and unlike the new guy, I don’t need to pay for my blowjobs." Looking to meet the crisis head on, the Bush administration immediately declared a bold policy to address the issue. Bush plans to fire all unionized pimps, and replace them with the one group who, time and time again, have sacrificed themselves for the good of America, and coincidentally also have an extensive working knowledge of prostitutes: retired World War II veterans. Experts anticipate that by next week, when you walk the mean streets of the city, you’ll once again hear that familiar pimp phrase, "Hey there, ya young wippersnapper, if ya got two bits you can take a gander at this Coochie-Mama’s honeypot! 23 Skidoo!!!" Kill Your Elected Official Today!

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