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 Displaying 1-25 of 33 messages in this thread. |
| Posted By | Discussion Topic: George Carlin liners | ||||
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| Tequila Fez claims this land in the name of Portugal! Why worry about the train if it never makes it around the tracks?? IrishAlkey wuz here!!! | posted on 04-04-2001 @ 9:41 PM |    | |||
| O&A Board Veteran Registered: Jan. 01  | Life Reflections by George Carlin 1. Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. 2. I'm not into working out. My philosophy is no pain, no pain. 3. I'm in shape. Round is a shape. 4. I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets. 5. Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup? 6. I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific. 7. Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window? 8. Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster than you is a maniac? 9. You have to stay in shape. My mother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now and we have no idea where she is. 10. I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them. 11. One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you. 12. They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem. 13. Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they'll tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall. 14. A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, "Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?" I said, "I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too." 15. Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton adult Bookstore.  This message was edited by Tequila on 4-4-01 @ 9:45 PM | ||||
| CriticsLoveSnatch i know better than to ask for a status from you mean ol' mods I shall call him mini-FTL | posted on 04-04-2001 @ 9:43 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Oct. 00 | carlin is fucking GOD are those all out of brain droppings? for some reason i didn't recognize all of them  "Never Underestimate the Power of Stupid People in Large Groups" My adopted mini-critic is PolishPierogiBoy03251978 Anyone looking to be adopted IM me at Jemo123 | ||||
| Tequila Fez claims this land in the name of Portugal! Why worry about the train if it never makes it around the tracks?? IrishAlkey wuz here!!! | posted on 04-04-2001 @ 9:45 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Veteran Registered: Jan. 01 | I dont know where all of them are from. One of my friends e-mailed them to me. I almost choked when I was reading them. That old gag lol | ||||
| hornygoatweed23 I've Got A Vagina With Teeth. G.O.O.F.B.A.H.G.S. Dragoon Battalion My friends call me Weed | posted on 04-04-2001 @ 9:46 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Jan. 01 | quote: One word : GENIUS  "Do me and you'll succeed :)" Graduate of the Rookie School for Newbies | ||||
| CriticsLoveSnatch i know better than to ask for a status from you mean ol' mods I shall call him mini-FTL | posted on 04-04-2001 @ 9:49 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Oct. 00 | quote: thats a seinfeld liner btw, not carlin "Never Underestimate the Power of Stupid People in Large Groups" My adopted mini-critic is PolishPierogiBoy03251978 Anyone looking to be adopted IM me at Jemo123 | ||||
| The Mrs. | posted on 04-04-2001 @ 10:00 PM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Feb. 01 | George Carlin is great! I haven't listened to him in ages. First time that i ever heard him was on a place for my stuff. A classic.. I needed a good laugh tonight.. Thanks Tequila that was pretty cool.:-) Guess who's heart I have? | ||||
| BannerClicker | posted on 04-04-2001 @ 11:55 PM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Dec. 00 | George Carlin is one funny guy...one of the funniest bits I ever heard him do was about airport and flying...he goes from right before you get on the plane to arriving at your destination.....absolutely hilarious. "Who is your daddy and what does he do?" | ||||
| Little Wing | posted on 04-05-2001 @ 12:21 AM | | |||
| Hanger-On Registered: Feb. 01 | I loved the bit about building more prisons and how the whole neighborhood subscribes to the NIMBY theory - Not In My Backyard! | ||||
| adolescentmasturbator | posted on 04-05-2001 @ 7:39 AM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Jan. 01 | George Carlin is a legend. I love the teenage masturbation bit. Don't just ride the bannister, caress the bannister.  E-Mail Me Head its just not for breakfast anymore | ||||
| Fyfetallica | posted on 04-05-2001 @ 8:47 AM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Aug. 00 | "I took a flight once, and the flight attendant told me to get on the plane, i said look lady, you get on the plane, im getting in the plane" Proud Graduate of the Drunk Boy School For Misfit Newbies.. I am a Jedi, like DB before me | ||||
| King f-tard | posted on 04-05-2001 @ 9:56 AM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Feb. 01 | Most of his observations on life are real funny. If you love someone, set them free; if they come home, set them on fire. Whenever I see a large crowd, I always wonder what the most disgusting thing any one of them ever did. Visit this Website This is one with lots of Carlin stuff.  | ||||
| Suzie I was supposed to have a status, but some FNMoron forgot what it was supposed to be. | posted on 04-05-2001 @ 1:42 PM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Aug. 00 | I am proud to dedicate my 420th post to George Carlin, a fellow hippie. Smoke em if you got em! My fave GC line: "You don't TAKE a shit, you leave one!" | ||||
| BARRY MANILOW | posted on 04-05-2001 @ 1:46 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Oct. 00 | "Where do things go when they're lost? there are some things, I don't care if I ever get them back, I just wanna know where the fuck they went." | ||||
| Arthur Dent | posted on 04-05-2001 @ 1:50 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Nov. 00 | Fytallica, the full quote is: Carlin in Stewardess voice: You may now get on the plane. Carlin: I said, "Fuck you lady. Let Evil Kenival get ON the plane. I'm getting IN the plane!" One time a friend of mine got drunk off his ass and recited that entire album word for word with all the right inflections. Had us laughing our asses off.  'Anyone who is capable of being elected president should on no account be allowed to do the job' - The hitchhikers guide to the galaxy Arthur smiled at him wanly and shrugged again. He turned and smiled wanly at the rest of the pub just in case any of them had heard what was going on. None of them had, and none of them could understand what he was smiling at them for. | ||||
| o&aswallow | posted on 04-05-2001 @ 1:50 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Jan. 01 | Carlin is one of a kind, pure genius. One of my favorites, I gotta take a shit. Don't take one of mine, the weekends almost here and I only got one left.  o&aswallow Recognized His Destiny Early. Too Many Hotties, Not Enough Horny Goat Weed It at first you don't succeed, keep on sucking till you do suck seed. - Curly Howard. | ||||
| GrkqtOandAfan Claim staked by FTL. | posted on 04-05-2001 @ 1:50 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Oct. 00 | The best was watching him on Thomas The Tank Engine as Mr. Conductor...lol damnit i was thinking out loud again!  "What are we going to do about this? "OA.com Where the men become boys and the women are play toys" | ||||
| NiceSignDeek | posted on 04-05-2001 @ 1:51 PM | | |||
| Hanger-On Registered: Jan. 01 | Classic George Carlin: Supressed laughter is the easiest to get, the most fun... You know, like when you're kneeling in front of a casket... 1972 Adopted by DrunkBoy | ||||
| CriticsLoveSnatch i know better than to ask for a status from you mean ol' mods I shall call him mini-FTL | posted on 04-05-2001 @ 1:55 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Oct. 00 | ok you're both wrong "get on the plane, get on the plane...fuck you i'm going IN the plane. evil kenival can get on the plane, i'm going in here with these nice people with uniforms. there seems to be less WIND in here." other best part of that bit: "in the unlikely event of a water landing... water landing? doesn't that sound remotely like CRRASHING INTO THE OCEAN?" "Never Underestimate the Power of Stupid People in Large Groups" My adopted mini-critic is PolishPierogiBoy03251978 Anyone looking to be adopted IM me at Jemo123 | ||||
| adolescentmasturbator | posted on 04-05-2001 @ 5:45 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Jan. 01 | i love the line Rape happens more per capita at the north pole than the equator becaue it 200 below the chicks says....ARE YOU CRAZY ITS FREEZING....then the guy just rapes the shit out of her.... thats not the exact quote tho E-Mail Me Head its just not for breakfast anymore | ||||
| Tequila Fez claims this land in the name of Portugal! Why worry about the train if it never makes it around the tracks?? IrishAlkey wuz here!!! | posted on 04-05-2001 @ 6:58 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Veteran Registered: Jan. 01 | quote: I say that everytime I go to the airport. It cracks me up all the time | ||||
| FoundryMusicDoug | posted on 04-05-2001 @ 9:18 PM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Oct. 00 | On the topic of George Carlin... I say that when O and A come back we all request the segment when George was on the show. He was fucking hilarious, and down to earth. Visit Foundry/OA Chat! "Now the seasons over, and I feel it gettin' cold. I wish I could take you to some sandy beach road, we'ed never grow old. Ah but baby you know thats just jive, but tonight's bustin' open and.... I'm alive!  | ||||
| Tequila Fez claims this land in the name of Portugal! Why worry about the train if it never makes it around the tracks?? IrishAlkey wuz here!!! | posted on 04-05-2001 @ 9:37 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Veteran Registered: Jan. 01 | Hey Stinky if you read this there is a request to play the George Carlin bit. If I hear it tomorrow I know you can read. | ||||
| zootybang | posted on 04-05-2001 @ 10:06 PM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Oct. 00 | George carlin has got to be the most intelligent man in comedy.Who here hasn't been able to relate to at least one thing he's said,or,in my case,say "holy shit,i cannot BELIEVE i never thought of (some situation) in that perspective"he's Einstein with less hair. God loves you.it's everyone else that thinks you're an asshole. Posting regularly,yet still a lowly lurker. Graduate of "K1d's school o'retards" | ||||
| TFEC Coming Soon!!! The Grand Opening of The Junkyard Bar & Grill! | posted on 04-05-2001 @ 10:24 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Sep. 00 | quote: He just fuckin rocks!!! LONG LIVE SYNDICATION UNDERGROUND!!! LET'S GO DEVILS!!!! LET'S GO GIANTS!!!! This message was edited by TFEC on 4-5-01 @ 10:26 PM | ||||
| FoundryMusicDoug | posted on 04-05-2001 @ 10:28 PM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Oct. 00 | George Carlin's things you will never see: A puppet with a hard-on (Except for gonzo) A butterfly with a swastika design The Latin word for douche bag Someone defecating in a church A junkie with leisure time A serial killer with a light-up bow tie A mom-and-pop steel mill A shot glass full of carrot juice A bum with matching luggage Really interesting twins Condoms with pictures of the saints Two homosexuals who own a bait shop A pimp with a low profit margin A Rolls Royce that's more than 50 percent primer paint Visit Foundry/OA Chat! "Now the seasons over, and I feel it gettin' cold. I wish I could take you to some sandy beach road, we'ed never grow old. Ah but baby you know thats just jive, but tonight's bustin' open and.... I'm alive! This message was edited by FoundryMusicDoug on 4-5-01 @ 10:31 PM | ||||
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