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| Posted By | Discussion Topic: Hope God has a sense of humor | ||||
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| Arthur Dent | posted on 05-14-2001 @ 1:01 PM |    | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Nov. 00  | In the name of the Old Man, The Kid, and the Spook, Amen. God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh. Jesus Saves... Passes to Moses. Shoots... He SCORES! Jesus loves you. Then again, so does Barney. Televangelists: The Pro Wrestlers of religion. I've found Jesus. He was behind the sofa the whole time. I considered atheism but there weren't enough holidays. Jesus saves. Satan invests. I don't care WHO you are, you're not walking on the water while I'm fishing. I am ready to meet my maker. Whether or not my maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter. - Winston Churchill When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and suddenly realized that I was talking to myself. When we talk to God it's called prayer. When God talks back it's called schizophrenia. And on the 8th day God said, "Ok Murphy, you take over." ERROR 666: Armageddon detected. Please restart universe and try again. If God is inside us, then I hope he likes fajita's, cause that's what he's getting. "Preach the Gospel at all times. If necessary, use words." - St. Francis of Assisi Atheist achieving orgasm: Oh Random! Oh, Chance! "Man is certainly stark mad: He cannot make a flea, yet he makes gods by the dozens." - Montaigne In the beginning, there was nothing. And God said, 'Let there be Light.' And there was still nothing, but you could see a bit better.  'Anyone who is capable of being elected president should on no account be allowed to do the job' - The hitchhikers guide to the galaxy Arthur smiled at him wanly and shrugged again. He turned and smiled wanly at the rest of the pub just in case any of them had heard what was going on. None of them had, and none of them could understand what he was smiling at them for. | ||||
| CriticsLoveSnatch i know better than to ask for a status from you mean ol' mods I shall call him mini-FTL | posted on 05-14-2001 @ 1:10 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Oct. 00 | In George Carlin's new book, he has a whole section on religion where he calls it "the greatest bullshit story ever told." the bit is fucking great and really makes a lot of sense when you read it Props to PanterA for the sig "Never Underestimate the Power of Stupid People in Large Groups" My adopted mini-critics are xosexkittenxxx and BarbieDiesDos | ||||
| Kid Afrika | posted on 05-14-2001 @ 1:15 PM | | |||
| Hanger-On Registered: Jan. 70 | Not that I believe in god, but Mr.Dent, I've met you, and I'd have to say (if there is a god) he has a sadistic sense of humor. :)
This message was edited by Kid Afrika on 5-14-01 @ 1:17 PM | ||||
| spitfire421 | posted on 05-14-2001 @ 1:42 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Dec. 00 | of course he has a sense of humor, just look at the platypus LOL  | ||||
| Arthur Dent | posted on 05-14-2001 @ 2:15 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Nov. 00 | Hey, Kid, did you name that bar stool? You seemed very attached to it. :) Critic, I saw him perform that bit live at Westbury. Very funny. Of course, Carlin IS God, so it's a little hypocritical... ;) Spit, did you know the male platypus is POISONOUS? Talk about a mixed up species. LOL. 'Anyone who is capable of being elected president should on no account be allowed to do the job' - The hitchhikers guide to the galaxy Arthur smiled at him wanly and shrugged again. He turned and smiled wanly at the rest of the pub just in case any of them had heard what was going on. None of them had, and none of them could understand what he was smiling at them for. | ||||
| HOSPITALIANO | posted on 05-14-2001 @ 2:17 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Oct. 00 | There is no God, because if there was a God, explain Midgets? (WOW, I just realized I've based a thought on something I heard from Dice, I need to go see a doctor)  "You have to commit to the stupidity"-Adam Ferrara, star of "The Job" and Olive Garden Commercials E-Mail Me Adopted Newbies: Matchbox20Money, paulie da bus driver and MONGO!!! | ||||
| bluetarp | posted on 05-14-2001 @ 2:23 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Jan. 01 | If there was a God, I would have been struck down years ago. I have made sense to numerous Christians, who lost their faith. Maybe I am the anti-christ. I don't have the 666 tattoo anywhere. Yes, I have looked. No offense to Christians or anything. I just disagree. Inquiring minds want to know! | ||||
| Banana_juice | posted on 05-14-2001 @ 2:38 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Jan. 01 | quote: Spitfire Please apologize to all the platypus lovers. :) proud graduate of Newbie University. Honor Student of Lord Magus's class. E-Mail Me | ||||
| spitfire421 | posted on 05-14-2001 @ 2:40 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Dec. 00 | Sorry, banana_juice, I did not wish to offend those who love the playpus nor insult the lowly platypus itself. ;) | ||||
| Banana_juice | posted on 05-14-2001 @ 2:51 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Jan. 01 | You gotta love Dogma. What a great movie. proud graduate of Newbie University. Honor Student of Lord Magus's class. E-Mail Me | ||||
| Tequila Fez claims this land in the name of Portugal! Why worry about the train if it never makes it around the tracks?? IrishAlkey wuz here!!! | posted on 05-14-2001 @ 6:50 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Veteran Registered: Jan. 01 | Speaking of Dogma do you really think that priests bless thier golfclubs? AOL - oanda1027fm | ||||
| CriticsLoveSnatch i know better than to ask for a status from you mean ol' mods I shall call him mini-FTL | posted on 05-14-2001 @ 6:56 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Oct. 00 | "sex is a joke in heaven?" "from what i hear it's pretty much a joke down here too." Carlin is indeed god arthur, but Kevin Smith is the closest thing to god not named Carlin Props to PanterA for the sig "Never Underestimate the Power of Stupid People in Large Groups" My adopted mini-critics are xosexkittenxxx and BarbieDiesDos | ||||
I Need An Old Priest And A Young Priest | posted on 05-14-2001 @ 7:48 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Oct. 00 | quote: Jesus H Christ is on the board... I adopted him.  Adopted Newbie Within the Protected Big Arms: Jesus H Christ Officially Part of JWO: skitchr4u & JasonFromRiverEdge This message was edited by Joey BigArms on 5-14-01 @ 7:49 PM | ||||
Nay. We are but men. ROCK. The man with the plan. | posted on 05-14-2001 @ 8:09 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Oct. 00 | Seeing the Dent post, I wasn't expecting a Kevin Smith conversation to pop up. Matter of fact, when clicking on this, I thought I'd see this entry from the Guide itself: "The Babel fish," said The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy quietly, "is small, yellow and leech-like, and probably the oddest thing in the Universe. It feeds on brainwave energy not from its carrier but from those around it. It absorbs all unconscious mental frequencies from this brainwave energy to nourish itself with. It then excretes into the mind of its carrier a telepathic matrix formed by combining the conscious thought frequencies with nerve signals picked up from the speech centres of the brain which has supplied them. The practical upshot of all this is that if you stick a Babel fish in your ear you can instantly understand anything said to you in any form of language. The speech patterns you actually hear decode the brainwave matrix which has been fed into your mind by your Babel fish. "Now it is such a bizarrely improbable coincidence that anything so mindboggingly useful could have evolved purely by chance that some thinkers have chosen to see it as the final and clinching proof of the non-existence of God. "The argument goes something like this: `I refuse to prove that I exist,' says God, `for proof denies faith, and without faith I am nothing.' "`But,' says Man, `The Babel fish is a dead giveaway, isn't it? It could not have evolved by chance. It proves you exist, and so therefore, by your own arguments, you don't. QED.' "`Oh dear,' says God, `I hadn't thought of that,' and promptly vanished in a puff of logic. "`Oh, that was easy,'says Man, and for an encore goes on to prove that black is white and gets himself killed on the next zebra crossing. "Most leading theologians claim that this argument is a load of dingo's kidneys, but that didn't stop Oolon Colluphid making a small fortune when he used it as the central theme of his best-selling book Well That About Wraps It Up For God. "Meanwhile, the poor Babel fish, by effectively removing all barriers to communication between different races and cultures, has caused more and bloodier wars than anything else in the history of creation."  Me droogies: Two positions currently available. | ||||
| The Brain | posted on 05-14-2001 @ 10:42 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Feb. 01 | Tsk, tsk... poor Arthur. Douglas Adams' passing has obviously hit him harder than we all thought it would. :) "ARE YOU PONDERING WHAT I'M PONDERING?" | ||||
Displaying 1-15 of 15 messages in this thread. |