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 Displaying 1-25 of 37 messages in this thread. |
| Posted By | Discussion Topic: JOKES - joke thread give us your best. | ||||
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| GonzoStyle | posted on 02-28-2001 @ 2:27 PM |    | |||
| Hanger-On Registered: Jan. 70  | I figured it might be fun to share some of our best jokes or even worst. Feel free to rate the joke prior to yours. Come on guys don't be shy any kind of jokes. Handicap, religion, race, sick, twisted, whatever it's just jokes. Here's my first one, figure i'd go with the good stuff first. Now please no shit in this thread they are jokes let's not get politically correct and turn this into a podium for any sorts. --------- Anyway there's this little black boy in the kitchen with his mother, who is cooking. He stands next to her and she spills some flour on him. The boy looks up at her and his face is covered with flour. The boy screams "momma, momma look i'm white." The mother gasps and smacks him across the face. The mother then says "Boy go on and tell your father what you just said." The boy goes into the living room and goes up to his dad and says "Papa, look mama spilled flour on me and i'm white now." His dad pops out of the chair and starts beating his ass and then says "Boy you go to your grandpa and tell him what you just said." The boy goes upstairs and enters his grandfathers room. He is by now crying and scared. He says "Grandpa ::sniff sniff:: momma spilt flour on me and i said i looked white and mama and daddy hit me." Grandpa gets up and beats the boy as well. Then grandpa says "boy, now what did you learn from all of this?" The boy looks up and says with an upset tone "Well grandpa all i know is i been white for 5 minutes and i hate all you fuckin niggers already." yeah yeah yeah ::ding, ding, ding:: i know.  Do you know how pale & wanton thrillful comes death on a strange hour unannounced, unplanned for like a scaring over-friendly guest you've brought to bed Death makes angels of us all & gives us wings where we had shoulders smooth as raven's claws --Jim Morrison (An American Prayer) | ||||
| Kingpin KEEPER OF THE FLAME. I have a little Wick. PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN. | posted on 02-28-2001 @ 2:39 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Oct. 00 | God just has spent the last six days creating the heavens and the earth, and since it's the seventh day of rest, He and Gabriel are sitting back and admiring his handiwork. "You know God" says Gabriel, "you have done one hell of a job-excuse my language. Those snowy peaks are unbelievably majestic, and the woods, with those sunny little dells and meadow....masterful. Not to mention the oceans:those fantastic coral reefs and all the sea creatures and the waves crashing on the beaches. And all the animals-from fleas to elephants-what a job. Not to mention the heavens; how could i leave them out? What a touch, that Milky Way." God beams. "I just have the smallest suggestion, if you'll excuse my presumptions," says Gabriel "You know those sample humans you puit down in the Garden of Eden?" God nods, furrowing His brow. "Well," says Gabriel "I was just wondering whether, for all obvious reasons, they shouldn't have differing sets of genitalia as all the other animals do??" God reflects on this for a minute, and then a smile crosses His face. "You're right," He exclaims. " Give the dumb one a cunt." Ding-Ding-Gong  P Licking Ass F'er-Newest Member Of My Crime Family EVERYTHING ENDS BADLY, OTHERWISE IT WOULDN'T END. E-Mail Me | ||||
| Grumpy SAGILLID The Midget Message Board Mauler rides his trusty mount Wilbur once again!! Internet Idiots beware!! | posted on 02-28-2001 @ 2:42 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Veteran Registered: Dec. 00 | what do ya get when you cross a telephone pole and a rooster? A 40 foot cock that wants to reach out and touch someone. (Some of you may be too young to remember the Phone company commercial - reach out, reach out and touch someone)  Proud staller of Gary Coleman Have you seen the dash button? | ||||
| Grumpy SAGILLID The Midget Message Board Mauler rides his trusty mount Wilbur once again!! Internet Idiots beware!! | posted on 02-28-2001 @ 2:43 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Veteran Registered: Dec. 00 | what's the difference between an ooooooooh and an ahhhhhhhh? About 2 1/2 inches. Proud staller of Gary Coleman Have you seen the dash button? | ||||
| GonzoStyle | posted on 02-28-2001 @ 2:50 PM | | |||
| Hanger-On Registered: Jan. 70 | ::rim shot:: thankyou frumpy youngman for the one liners. A girl goes into the living room and says "hey dad can i borrow the car?" Father says "sure sweetie but only if you blow me" So the girl looks at him and is thinking it over, but she really wants to go out. So she agrees she gets on her knees and takes out her fathers cock and puts it in her mouth. Then all of a sudden she spits it out. "Dad your dick tastes like shit!!!" "Ohh sorry sweetie i forgot i let your brother have the car tonight." Do you know how pale & wanton thrillful comes death on a strange hour unannounced, unplanned for like a scaring over-friendly guest you've brought to bed Death makes angels of us all & gives us wings where we had shoulders smooth as raven's claws --Jim Morrison (An American Prayer) | ||||
| CrackSweat | posted on 02-28-2001 @ 2:54 PM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Oct. 00 | Did you here that Fed-ex and UPS are going to merge, they are going to call them selves FED-UP | ||||
| Grumpy SAGILLID The Midget Message Board Mauler rides his trusty mount Wilbur once again!! Internet Idiots beware!! | posted on 02-28-2001 @ 2:58 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Veteran Registered: Dec. 00 | This scantly clad gorgeous girl walks into a bar, orders a pitcher of budweiser, chugs it down and passes out. The bars closes and bartender sees her past out. He tries to wake her, but she wont wake up. He thinks about it and decides to have sex with her. He does and then takes her home. The next night, same girl comes in and orders a pitcher of bud again. Drinks it, passes out. This time the bartender has 2 friends with him. The third night, same thing, this time there are 6 guys waiting for her to pass out. The fourth night, she orders a pitcher of Coors Light. The bartender asks why she's not drinking Budweiser, she answers "Everytime I drink bud, my pussy hurts". Proud staller of Gary Coleman Have you seen the dash button? | ||||
| SNAKEBITE | posted on 02-28-2001 @ 3:05 PM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Jan. 01 | little girl -- Mommy what were you and daddy doing in the bed room last night? Mommy -- Oh honey we were just making a cake. little girl --- Mommy what were you and daddy doing in the laundry room last night? Mommy smiles-- Oh honey we were just making a cake. Little girl --- I bet I can guess where else you were making a cake mommy. Mommy --where dear? Little girl --- On the couch! Mommy--- How do you know that? Little girl-- Because I licked the frosting off it this morning :) Remember don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things | ||||
| Kingpin KEEPER OF THE FLAME. I have a little Wick. PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN. | posted on 02-28-2001 @ 3:07 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Oct. 00 | What does it take to make a dead baby float?? One scoop of ice cream and one scoop of dead baby. How did the dead baby cross the road?? Stapled to the chicken. What's the difference between unloading a truckload of dead babies and a truckload of bowling balls??? You can use a pitchfork on the dead babies. P Licking Ass F'er-Newest Member Of My Crime Family EVERYTHING ENDS BADLY, OTHERWISE IT WOULDN'T END. E-Mail Me | ||||
| Sephiroth | posted on 02-28-2001 @ 3:07 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Dec. 00 | A man walks into a bar and asks for a shot of whiskey. The bartender does so and say "Hey buddy, what's wrong?" The man looks up and say "Well, i just found out my brother is Gay". The next day, the same man walks into the same bar and screams for 4 shots of whiskey. The bartender complies, and asks " Hey man, whats wrong now?" The man finishes off his shooters and slurrs "I just found out my other bother is a Fag" The 3rd day, the man again stumbles in and demands a bottle whiskey. The bartender smiles, anticipating his dilemma and says "Hey dude, isnt there anybody in your family who likes chicks in your family?" "Well", the customers says "apparently, my sister does...."  " At the center of the planet, all souls will gather. There, I will ascend to Godhood" - Sephiroth "Hey are you "THE" white guy all the brother talk about?" - Vos E-Mail Me AIM: Hitokiri182 | ||||
| Banana_juice | posted on 02-28-2001 @ 3:08 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Jan. 01 | An elderly gentleman went to the local drug store > and asked > the pharmacist for Viagra. > > The pharmacist said "That's no problem. How many do > you > want?" > > The man answered, "Just a few, maybe 4, but cut each > one in > 4 pieces," > > The pharmacist said, "that won't do you any good," > > The elderly gentleman said, "That's all right. I > don't need them > for sex anymore as I am over 80 years old. I just > want it to > stick out far enough so I don't pee on my shoes." proud graduate of Newbie University. Honor Student of Lord Magus's class. E-Mail Me | ||||
| Grumpy SAGILLID The Midget Message Board Mauler rides his trusty mount Wilbur once again!! Internet Idiots beware!! | posted on 02-28-2001 @ 3:09 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Veteran Registered: Dec. 00 | Seeing as this is the demented GonzoS's Thread, I think it's time I stop pulling punches and post some seriously sick shit. It's time for: DEAD BABY JOKES What easier to load in a truck, dead babies or bowling balls? Dead babies, you can use a pitchfork How do you get a dead baby in a shoe box? Use a blender How do you get them out? With a straw. I Know I Know - DING DING DING, I'M GOIN TO HELL. I'll save ya a seat. Proud staller of Gary Coleman Have you seen the dash button? | ||||
| white shorts | posted on 02-28-2001 @ 3:11 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Jan. 01 | two little black boys are walking down the street and they see a sign in a window that says, 'turn white for 99 cents.' the boys want to do this but the one boy has a dollar and his friend has 98 cents. they agree that the boy with the dollar will go in first and then give his friend the extra penny. the first boy goes in and 5 minutes later comes out white. his friend asks him for the extra penny, and the boy says: 'get a job you fucking nigger' (ding ding ding)  | ||||
| Banana_juice | posted on 02-28-2001 @ 3:11 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Jan. 01 | some more: How is a clitoris like JonBenet's killer? No one seems to be able to find either one How does the altar boy know when one of the nuns has her period? He tastes blood on the priest's cock Why'd the Polish helicopter crash? It got chilly, so the pilot turned off the fan. How is a homo like farmers? They've both got mud on their rubbers. proud graduate of Newbie University. Honor Student of Lord Magus's class. E-Mail Me | ||||
| Grumpy SAGILLID The Midget Message Board Mauler rides his trusty mount Wilbur once again!! Internet Idiots beware!! | posted on 02-28-2001 @ 3:12 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Veteran Registered: Dec. 00 | Where's Pink Nips? I know she going to be pissed. Sorry cutie. It's only in fun. It's just a lil joke. Ha! Ha! BLOND JOKES Why do blonds only get 15 minute lunches? They can't afford to retrain them everyday Why is a blond like a turtle? Once they're on their back, they're screwed. How does a blond turn on the lights after sex? She opens the car door. Why do blonds like sunroofs? More leg room. What do you call a blond who dyes her hair black? Artificial intelligence. What do you call a brunette between two blonds? an interpreter What's a blonds mating call? I'm ssooooooo drunk what's an ugly blonds mating call? I SAID I'M SOOO DRUNK DAMN IT. what's a brunette's mating call? Okay, all the blonds are gone now. How can you tell a blond used a computer? There is white out on the screen. Proud staller of Gary Coleman Have you seen the dash button? | ||||
| Kingpin KEEPER OF THE FLAME. I have a little Wick. PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN. | posted on 02-28-2001 @ 3:18 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Oct. 00 | Did you hear about the guy who went to Poland and became a millionaire?? He sold them Cheerios telling them it was donut seeds. P Licking Ass F'er-Newest Member Of My Crime Family EVERYTHING ENDS BADLY, OTHERWISE IT WOULDN'T END. E-Mail Me | ||||
| white shorts | posted on 02-28-2001 @ 3:20 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Jan. 01 | why is ray charles smiling all the time? because he doesn't know he's black. | ||||
| Kingpin KEEPER OF THE FLAME. I have a little Wick. PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN. | posted on 02-28-2001 @ 3:22 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Oct. 00 | What's red and bubbly and scratches at the window? A baby in a microwave. Why do you put a baby in a blender feet first?? To watch it's expression. P Licking Ass F'er-Newest Member Of My Crime Family EVERYTHING ENDS BADLY, OTHERWISE IT WOULDN'T END. E-Mail Me | ||||
| Silvio Dante | posted on 02-28-2001 @ 6:13 PM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Sep. 00 | How do you get 4 queers on a bar stool? Turn it upside down What's the difference between a black guy and a pizza? A pizza can feed a family of 4 How do you get a one armed pollock out of a tree? Wave to him Hey Anthony, would you like to make a deal on some Furbys for your girlfriends.  | ||||
| Angelo from da Bronx | posted on 02-28-2001 @ 6:28 PM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Dec. 00 | One day before Valentines Day, 2 guys were sitting on a bench. One rich, one poor. They started talking about what they were going to get their wives. So the poor guy asked the rich guy what he was getting his wife. The rich guy said "A diamond ring and a Lexus". The poor guy then asked why he chose those 2 things. So the rich guy said "well, if she doesnt like the ring, she can use the new car to go exchange it." So the rich guy then asks the poor guy what he was getting his wife. The poor guy said "A pair of flip-flops and a dildo." The rich guy was confused and asked how he came up w/ those 2 things. So the rich guys said "Well, if she doesn't like the flip-flops, she can go fuck herself." --------------------------  | ||||
| DreamWeaver | posted on 02-28-2001 @ 6:39 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Sep. 00 | Harry and his wife are driving in the country when he sees a sign that says, "Cow For Sale...$5000" He pulls in and says to the farmer, "There's no cow in the world worth five thousand dollars." The farmer says, Oh, yeah? Take a look at this." He lifts the cow's tail, and Harry sees the cow has a snatch just like a woman. Harry gets back in the car, turns to his wife, and says, "It's just not fair. Here's this farmer with a cow that has a snatch like a woman and it's worth $5000, and here I am, with you, with a snatch like a cow, and you're not worth shit."  | ||||
| Brokenjaw Always will bow down to the power of the Faceman!!!! | posted on 02-28-2001 @ 6:50 PM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Nov. 00 | A chinease guy walks into a bar and says to the black bartender " Hey nigga give me a jigga" The bartender says "hey man thats no way to talk to me. How would youlike it if the roles were reversed?" "ok" the chinease guy says and they switch places. The black guy walks into the bar and says" Hey chink gimme a drink" the chinease guy says" sorry, we dont serve niggas here.   | ||||
| roonedit | posted on 02-28-2001 @ 6:56 PM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Dec. 00 | How can you tell when the guy who burglarized your house is gay? Nothing is missing, The Furniture is rearranged, and there is a quiche in the oven.  "Did your parents have any children that lived?? I'll bet they regret that!! You're so ugly you could be a modern art masterpiece!!" | ||||
| dae | posted on 02-28-2001 @ 7:24 PM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Oct. 00 | what did one dead head say to the other when they ran out of pot? 'dude.. this music sucks'  get confident, stoopit! | ||||
| ThoseDamnDudleyBoyz | posted on 02-28-2001 @ 7:32 PM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Sep. 00 | What do you call a German tampon? A twatsticka gak gak gak TDDB  "If God was a heel,he'd be the Dudley Boyz" | ||||
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Displaying 1-25 of 37 messages in this thread. |