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| Posted By | Discussion Topic: Gertnerisms | ||||
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| TeenWeek what's a status? | posted on 07-10-2001 @ 9:10 AM |    | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Oct. 00  | "Well, well, well...Despite what the Florida tourism board has been feeding all you ignorant people, it is I, every female's top tourist destination and the man who's crotch is truly the happiest place on earth. The man who makes Minnie Mouse's panties wet and the man who just last night helped Daisy Duck fulfill her dream, as she took one for the team, and I made her squeal and scream, as I filled her full of cream. It is I, the bacon in her eggs, the man for whom she begs, and the face between her legs. The Quintessential and original Studmuffin and a good lord, have mercy, Goddamn handsome man. Joel I shoot out a full condom filla and it taste like vanilla' Gertner." Joel at ECW's Guilty As Charged PPV "Introducing at this time my colleague, my cohort and my coconspirator. He is the mute behind the mayhem, the quiet behind the riot and all the girls say he's pretty fly for a Sign Guy. This is Sign Guy Dudley!" Gertner on SGD at ECW's Guilty As Charged PPV "Joel 'Six Times That Girly Came Before I Even Knew Her Name' Gertner & if assholes could fly, Trenton would be an airport' Gertner." Joel in Trenton, New Jersey, 1/15/99 "As far as Johnny Grunge, vivid memories of him too. As after the show I would go back, get changed, and who would walk by me, but Johnny Grunge. In dire desperate need of a shower. Stinking with body odor. Smelling like the deepest innermost region of the asshole of a 75-year-old dead skunk with coyote pussy on his breath." 1/16/99 ECW Arena House Party '99 Joel "The Man that has sent more Detroit women to heaven than Dr. Jack Krevorkian" Gertner 1/23/99 ECW Detroit Invasion Well, well, well. Before this show continues, a special message to all of you shit-stains on the underwear of Massachusett's society; For the people who run the ECW box office here in Fall River: effective with ECW's next show here in Fall River, Massachusetts, welfare checks and food stamps will not be accepted towards the price of admission. 1/30/99 Joel "When I reach there esophagus, they'll know I am hung like Mr. Snuffalufagus" Gertner 3/12/99 Trenton, NJ "Sit down on my pelvis and you'll feel the S*** that killed Elvis. Joel "Mama said knock you out, and I just did" Gertner 3/21/99 Living Dangerously '99 Joel 'Cocoa Beach men may Dream of Jeannie, but the women wish for my weenie' Gertner" Cocoa Beach, FL May 1, 1999 "Joel 'If you don't wanna wake up sore, then you don't wanna be my whore' Gertner" Kissimmee, FL May 2, 1999 (Joel wearing a face cast, due to the fireball injury) Joel "Though I look like a Mummy, your girlfriend still thinks my cock tastes yummy!" Gertner Michigan, May 23, 1999 Joel "I'm hung like a moose, and I fuck your girlfriend till her brains come loose" Gertner Dalton, Georgia June 4, 1999 Dalton, Georgia June 4, 1999 Joel "I like blowjobs from the North, but I love them from the South. So shut up sweetie and put my balls in your mouth" Gertner Charlotte, North Carolina June 10, 1999 Joel "I drink vodka, I drink Scotch, but your mother drinks from my crotch" Gertner Trenton, New Jersey June 25, 1999 "Why go to the movies, when you can have me. The ladies call me 'Big Daddy', I've already slept with the 'General's Daughter', and I know how to 'Inspector Gadget'. I'm dripping with sarcasm, while your girlfriend's dripping from orgasm. Joel Whether the ladies are home or here in Dayton they're watching me and masturbatin' Gertner" Dayton, Ohio Heat Wave '99 July 18, 1999 Joel "I'd try to beat the women off of me with a stick, but it would truly be a waste, because they really like the size of my stick, and you KNOW they LOVE the taste" Gertner 1-17-00 TNN Joel "New York, Paris, London, Rome, ladies love to hear my poem; overseas and here at home, they love to drink my pearly foam" Gertner 5-19-00 TNN Joel "TNN's a disgrace, no if's, and's or but's, and they've got Cyrus, their technical wrestling putz; we hate them, they hate us, but now it's about time for them to kiss our nuts" Gertner 5-27-00 TNN "I'd like to take this time to say hello to all of my TNN executive friends. You know, the ones who have been incarcerated for smuggling underage farm animals across state lines for the purposes of sexual gratification. But at least, while they were doing it, they were safe about it. They only picked the calves that didn't kick back." 6-2-00 TNN I always win the bedroom battle.........I kick it like a cowboy; I slaughter 'em like cattle...........and a Studmuffin never kisses and tells, so I would never tattle.....but last night, your mom did some pretty outrageous things with a pacifier and a rattle. But I'm not just her babysitter, I'm also her powerhitter, and I am the lyrical miracle, the sexual intellectual and the Quintessential Studmuffin Joel "Every woman's infatuation, across the whole damn nation, they all like the pulsation, and they love the penetration. (looking at girl in front row) And I can sense your sheer frustration, since all you get is masturbation; you can use your imagination, or would you like a demonstration" Gertner 12-3-00 Massacre on 34th Street "Joel 'Harder than the tree that hit Sonny Bono' Gertner." Joel at ECW House Party '98 "Joel 'Bigger and better than the Titanic, because only 400 women went down on the Titanic' Gertner." ECW Arena Hostile City Showdown '98 "Joel 'I have busted more nuts than a peanut factory' Gertner." February 1998 "Well well well. Welfare recipients and homeless vagabonds of Asbury Park, NJ and to the thousands upon thousands watching me coast to coast on pay-per-view. At this time allow me to introduce (as if you could possibly stop me) the contingent, the masters of the three-way-dance. In the ring at this time he is the most outspoken commodity in ECW, he is the voice of a generation and the silence behind the violence, Sign Guy Dudley." Joel on SGD ECW's Living Dangerously '98 "Also in the ring at this time, standing before me and intimidating the masses. From the twisted steel section of Dudleyville, 25 and 3/8 inches of the largest arms in the world attached to the man who last night took such liberties with your mother that he is now recognized as your father in 17 states, the gargantuan who is known as Big Dick Dudley." Joel on Big Dick Dudley at ECW's Living Dangerously '98 "And then there's me, I'm like milk, I do a body good, the Quintessential Studmuffin, the man who's wit is more tongue in cheek than a lesbian orgy, Joel 'Your Girlfriend Has Me On Her Speed Dial Because She Likes the Way I Star 69 Her' Gertner." Joel on Joel at ECW's Living Dangerously '98 "Raise the roof for the man who is keeping it real...my brother from another mother, D-Von Dudley." Joel on D-Von at Living Dangerously '98 "His half-brother and tag team partner hails from the Dudleyville shore. He is Pamela Lee's brand new man. Take it from me, I've seen the videotape, the Dudleyville Icon, Buh Buh Ray Dudley. At this time, sound man please cue up the music for tonight's enhancement talent" Joel on Buh Buh Ray Dudley at ECW Living Dangerously '98 "Ladies and Gentlemen, the following matchup scheduled for one fall with a 15 minute time limit. Your referee is bald." "Your referee is a dirty old man who made a pass at me backstage." "It is rich marvelous I, The Quintessential Studmuffin, Joel 'The skinless bananna in your tropical fruit salad of love' Gertner." "Joel 'I'm like the middle of the litter box, I'm always surrounded by pussy' Gertner." ECW Arena 3/21/98 "I am the Quintessential Studmuffin, Joel 'Delivers more package than UPS' Gertner." Joel at ECW's CyberSlam 1998 "And there's me, Joel 'The biggest ladykiller in Buffalo since O.J. Simpson' Gertner." Joel in Buffalo, NY on 4/4/98 "Joel 'the girls like to call me Fred Flinstone because they love the way I make their Bed Rock' Gertner." Joel at ECW's WrestlePalooza '98 "Joel 'Bigger than a Snickers bar and tons more satisfying' Gertner" Joel at ECW's Matter Of Respect '98 "Joel 'You thought you could be celibate, and then you did me for the hell of it' Gertner." Joel on himself at ECW's Matter Of Respect '98 "Joel 'I'm straight and you're not.' Gertner. "Well, well, well ... New Orleeeens, the transvestite capitol of the world; It is I, the host of this television program, and a hero to all of you inbred, Third-World, cotton-picking pig farmers; The Quintessential Studmuffin, and a damn handsome man; Joel 'The shimp jumbajaya in your all-you-can-eat Cajun buffet of love' Gertner. And now, for those of you who traded in your John Deeres for a ticket to tonight's show; Introducing the greatest six-man tag team to ever wrestle in the civilized free world, and even here in Louisiana." New Orleans, ECW TV "Joel 'I only beat girls when they ask me to' Gertner." ECW TV June 13, 1998 following the Dudley Boyz hitting 3-D on Beulah McGullicuty "The Man who makes your panties moist' Joel 'There's a monster in my pants, and he does a naughty dance' Gertner." ECW TV, July 11, 1998 "Well Well Well, it is I, the man your mother warned you about, the man who makes your panties moist, and the only man that matters. Hotter than a Heatwave and harder than Chinese Algebra. The Quintessential Studmuffin myself, Joel 'I keep making them sore, yet they keep coming back from more' Gertner." ECW HeatWave '98 "The Quintessential Studmuffin, Joel 'I always like to scream, when I'm filling them with cream' Gertner." Joel in Kingston, PA 8/7/98 "The Quintessential Studmuffin, Joel 'I love to make you moan as I give you my bone' Gertner." ECW Arena 8/29/98 "The Quintessential Studmuffin, Joel 'You'll marvel over my size, as I put it between your thighs' Gertner." ECW Arena 9/19/98 "The Quintessential Studmuffin Joel 'Put your hand in my pocket, and your eyes will pop out of their socket' Gertner." ECW TV, October '98 "Balls Mahoney, you don't have to look into the mirror to realize that the first letter in ugly is "U." ECW Arena, 10/10/98 "If you like Sabu's face, you'll love my nutsac" Joel's to a girl holding a sign which read "Marry Me Sabu!" Trenton, New Jersey, 8/9/98 "Well, Well, Well, While Mark McGuire wouldn't be satisfied with anything less than 70, I'm always happy to be stuck at 69. It is I, hotter than Tobasco sauce but loads easier to swallow the Quintessential Studmuffin and a good Goddamn handsome man and a man who's got more Game than Parker brothers, Joel 'I'm young, I'm hung, & I'm skilled with my tounge' Gertner." ECW November to Remember '98 "The Quintessential, hardcore, chair swinging studmuffin, Joel 'I've sent women into orbit more times in one night than John Glenn has been in his entire life' Gertner." Joel in New York, 11/6/98 "Joel 'It will be nothing less than super-duper, when I get her up the pooper' Gertner." Pittsburgh, PA 12/98 "Joel 'I don't care if I get any Christmas presents, just as long as you help me fill my Latex stocking' Gertner" ECW Arena 12/19/98 "This Holiday Season I had all the Ho Ho Hos, Jingle my Bells." Wilkes-Barre, PA, 12/27/98 "Joel 'If you're wondering why your girlfriends clothes are full of static, that's because I had her rubbin' on the floor of my attic' Gertner." Wilkes-Barre, PA, 12/27/98 "Joel 'I should be doing clothing commercials, because I always fall into the Gap' Gertner" Ft. Lauderdale, FL 4/9/98 "Joel 'I get the ladies mind off Iraq and onto my Bangcock' Gertner" 12/19/98 ECW Arena Show "Joel 'The man that will fill the crack while you are worrying about Iraq' Gertner." 12/19/98 ECW Arena Show I'm hotter than a 15 year old girl in a field hockey skirt." ECW's As Good As it Gets "I am the peeled banana in your fruit bowl of love." "Well Well Well, if you got an hour, I've got the power. Joel 'You can't have your pudding if you don't eat your meat' Gertner." 11/8/97 ECW Arena "Introducing the corner man, the silence behind the violence, Sign Guy Dudley." Joel on SGD at the ECW Arena on 11/8/97 "Joel 'So hot I gotta get in the sauna just to keep cool' Gertner." Hype Central, ECW TV April 1997 "At this time we were going to show you clips of Terry Funk but we couldn't dig them up, but even if they did our stations don't encourage us to use black and white footage." Joel on the Hardcore Legend, Hype Central, ECW TV, April 1997 "Attached to the creature who last night impregnated your mother...." Gertner on Big Dick Dudley's arms at ECW's November to Remember '97 "Joel 'The man who is so big he can't help from hurtin' er'Gertner" ECW November to Remember '97 "I don't know what I'd do if I woke up in the morning and I wasn't me." ECW November to Remember '97 "The Quintessential Muffstuffer...Opps... I mean Studdmuffin...Just like the Rubick's Cube, the more you play with it, the harder it gets" ECW November to Remember '97 "Joel 'Put your lipstick on my dipstick' Gertner." ECW's Born To Be Wired This message was edited by TeenWeek on 7-10-01 @ 9:28 AM | ||||
| King f-tard | posted on 07-10-2001 @ 9:33 AM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Feb. 01 | quote: One of my favorites.  | ||||
| skitchr4u G.O.O.F.B.A.H.G.S. Xtreme Skiing Assualt Force | posted on 07-10-2001 @ 10:46 AM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Dec. 00 | Great list teen, but how on earth do you have that much time to do it?? god he has some great witticisms!! AIM: SkiT4you First Member of the JWO | ||||
| TeenWeek what's a status? | posted on 07-10-2001 @ 11:07 AM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Oct. 00 | Just about 5 minutes of copying and pasting. Did not take long at all. | ||||
| TeenWeek what's a status? | posted on 02-25-2002 @ 8:48 AM | | |||
| O&A Board Regular Registered: Oct. 00 | Brought this back because of the funny ecw moment thread and gertner's promos being mentioned. Here is a list of gertnerisms I found back in July. It is good for the new markets too as some of these are f'n hysterical. | ||||
| spe5150 | posted on 02-25-2002 @ 9:00 AM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Oct. 00 | [tearing & voice cracking from emotion]Meeeeemories![tearing & voice cracking from emotion] | ||||
| irishcros | posted on 02-26-2002 @ 4:23 AM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Feb. 02 | Wow, if these aren't a reason to update my away messages I don't know what is. Someone answer me this. How is it Tom Arnold has a sports show, Emeril got a sitcom, and the Quintessential Studmuffin is out of work? Officially Self Appointed Moderator The Whole Fucking Thread | ||||
| spe5150 | posted on 02-26-2002 @ 8:52 AM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Oct. 00 | Here, Here, irirshcros!!! Gertner may not have been forced to do much beside his crude self-introduction....but Michael Cole got a job in the WWF as a play-by-play man and he can't correctly call a headlock. I read one of the rumor board that there is a commentator coming to the WWF who "has appeared on TNN already." Supposedly this was reported as a teaser for the Joey Styles Hotline, but I didn't feel the need to spend money and investigate. Now, I'm sure we'll all be let down and it will probably turn out to be Cyrus/Jakyl/Don Callus (think that's his real name)....but doesn't it warm your heart to think it might be Gertner...or (dare I to dream) Styles himself? OH MY GOD! | ||||
| Mike Rotch | posted on 02-26-2002 @ 11:32 AM | | |||
| Psychopath Registered: Apr. 01 | [Styles]CATFIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!!!!!!!!!![/Styles] Beliefs are dangerous. Beliefs allow the mind to stop functioning. A non-functining mind is Clinically dead. Believe in nothing... | ||||
| oddrevill | posted on 02-28-2002 @ 11:18 AM | | |||
| Hanger-On Registered: Feb. 02 | good stuff i forgot about gertner he was a riot Tajiri Clause 3:16 RVD the whole f'n show | ||||
Displaying 1-10 of 10 messages in this thread. |