I wasn't going to make this public because it's terrible and not even close to being finished, but the chat roomers made me post it, so without further ado, here is my rap about FINAL FANTASY.

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And HERE are the LYRICS because it's hard to understand me!

Once upon a time in the land of Melmond, the splendor of vegetation decayed (C'mon).
It was prophecised that four stunnin' Light Warriors would come and save the day (What what what).
Arrivin' in Corneria, in the midst of their deliria, four motherfuckers emerged (Hell yeah)!
To teach a valued lesson.
Bet you'll count your blessin's at the beating that's about to occur.
Here we go.
I am the fighter; name's [Dune]. I'm the leader of the gang.
Can't use any magic but I'm critically acclaimed.
Introducin' the Red Mage, the jack of all trades.
Both magic, crazy tactics, leavin' 'em all in their graves!
Then there's the Black Belt and the Black Mage.
Clumsy with their hittin'.
But fixin' to put a hurtin' on all of you fuckin' bitches.
Don't forget after this, we gotta stop at the shop.
I ain't doin' much damage with this rock in a sock!
I am the Red Mage, pimpin' a feather in my hat.
The name's [JoJo], need somethin'? Yeah I got that.
Watch your step, 'cause I stand where you fall.
Eloquent abilities and that's not all.
Ostentatiously fashionable... what's my name, bitch?
Light you on fire, and then I'll heal your shit.
Just to burn you again and then I'll cut you in two.
It takes three men just to do what I do!
And that's my cue.
Pointy hat, coat of blue.
Burnin' bright yellow eyes and I do what I do.
'Cause I learned the dark arts from another time and age.
Bow down to me bitches 'cause I'm the Black Mage.
I got my wizard hat on and I'm lookin' somethin' vicious.
All the ladies call me "Lucky" 'cause I'm magically delicious.
Four spaces for a name? Bitch, I only need three.
[L-E-O] sign me up for the Final Fantasy!

I've just heard a legend as a prophecy.
That four strapping young lads would come and see me.
And all my majesty and save the Princess, see.
And put a damn stop to the Elemental Fiends!
The good knight Garland -until recently-.
Broke in and stole the fucking Princess from me!
Don't worry 'bout it sir we're gonna take Garland down.
But we're gonna need some weapons, 'fore we go into town.
LET'S GO.

Oh great we're at the town shop.
Black Mages can't equip shit so, I'll wait outside...
Just take your time...
I guess I'll go buy some spells.
And I'll find them all well, find something else to do with my time.
That's fine.
Quit with the bitchin' get back in the kitchen.

Goin' on our way to the Temple of Fiends.
Damned Imp better stay the hell away from me.
Yo Spud hit 'em with your nunchakus, G.
See if we can go and gain some gold and EXP.
These wolves won't stop comin' after me!
But ain't nothin' compared to these spiders, see!
With you here, JoJo to cast [Ruse] on me, nothin's stoppin' us from buildin' up the GP!
Damn Leo why you keep gettin' hit?
You're bringin' the team down, I'm sick of this shit!
You're a mediocre mage and you're trippin' JoJo.
I think it's time for you to get your ass in the back row.
Once we get to the temple you'd better up your energy.
Now everybody armor up and get behind me.
Surrender the princess or we're takin' ya down.
We're gonna run your ass up out of town. C'mon!

Hahahahaha...
Your defense is weak.
Fought Imps tougher than you.
Good knight turned bad knight?
Good night for you.
Surrender the Princess or surrender your life.
I'm light speeds ahead of you, now bleed on my knife!
That was a critical hit.
Critics are thumbin' in awe!
Garland you look like shit.
Go home and cry to your 'Ma.
Who do you think you are boy, the Light Warriors?
Don't make me laugh, although you ARE glorious.
How do you get your hair to match your armor so well?
I bet your manicurist has a DOZEN stories to tell.
Uh-huh.
Stand aside boy. I'll make a mockery of you!
Well you'll be pushin' up roses 'fore the time that I'm through.
You done it now, shut your mouth, look what you made me do.
Haha.
You can't keep up with me you fuckin' slow ass punk.
Your little knife ain't gonna stop my powerful nunchakus.
Once you were the best knight in the kingdom.
Now you're nothin' but a fuckin' crumb bum, chum!
Yeah.
I bite my thumb at you bitch!
HOW DARE YOU?!
I'm back in this part just to fix up my glitch.
Is that all you've got, you vexatious queef?
I'll knock you down, I'll make you wish you would've chosen Thief.
Your nunchaku are as deadly -if not more so- than you.
And that isn't saying much but it's true!
Hahahaha.
Have at you!
You were just lucky when you landed that blow.
For sho'!
But mine won't even show with my back up, bro.
So back up, bro!
Your back up?
Yes.
Oh no!

You think you've won, but your story has only begun.
I summon four ferocious Fiends from beyond the Sun.
Well God damn you and your fuckin' shit I'm goin' home!
No!
Shit, there better have been pizza 2,000 years ago.
Yeah you ASSHOLE!

Thank you all, you fucking saved me.
Without you four people I don't know where I'd be!
Now saddle up fellas, and get inside of me.
That's one hell of a way to increase your HP!
Now let's go see the King I hear he built us a bridge.
We can go to the town where all the pirates live.
Muscle up some scallywags, and get us a boat.
So we can sail the seas and punch fish in the throat.

Three sheets to the wind and I'll show ya the ropes.
I'm Bikke the pirate, I'll put a hook in your throat.
Yo Bikke check it out I'm gonna slaughter your crew.
Now gimme your ship.
Who's next?
Or I'mma do it to you!
It's already been five minutes since we started this song.
That's four Ninja Gaiden songs way too long.
Yarr! You killed me mates, they're a pain in me bum.
You can take me ship but I'm keepin' me rum.

My name is Matoya and I got me some herb.
If you find my crystal I can hook you up.
Word!
Is it just me... or are my broomsticks talkin'?
Crazy backwards words like Christopher Walken.
Let me take another toke and hope you find my shit.
'Cause if you don't you won't be gettin' no herb, legit?
Shit, break out the Cheez Whiz we gonna have a party.
We'll find that fuckin' crystal and break out the Bacardi.
Ya got a sexy voice call me up some time.
...Or we'll be back with the crystal if you change your mind.

DESTROY ALL OF THEM!
KILL THEM ONE BY ONE!
TEAR THEM INTO SHREDS!
THIS WILL BE SO FUN!

I rescued the Princess, and, leveled up my crew.
Bitch I done evened out the odds, now I'm comin' after you.
I got my mind on the prize, I'm takin' what's mine.
Tell Doc Brown to get to the DeLorean.
We's goin' back in time, bitch.

GARLAND IS NO MORE!
CHAOS REIGNS SUPREME!
SO YOU WANT SOME MORE?!
CHECK OUT MY FOUR FIENDS!

Destroyed Lich with fire, and Kary with might.
Sockin' Kraken blockin' knockin' as we nuke Tiamat tonight.
Ya na na na.
I got the crystals time to go back to the past.
As I put this motherfuckin' sword in Chaos' ass!

Those fools are on their way they'll RUE the day they came my way.
I'm CHAOS... In the flesh...
The Fiends compare to fleas compared to me.
It's GREAT to be pure CHAOS.
I laid Erdrick to rest...
And one by one you'll die by my hand...
Oh look what I've become...
This fantasy is far from final... the worst is yet to come.

rrrRescued the Princess and captured the ship.
We got the Mystic Key from Elven Prince.
Defeated Lich, Kary, Kraken and Tiamat with a chortle.
Orb of Earth, Fire, Water, Air, opened the portal!
Went back 2,000 years to the Temple of Fiends.
Now we're four Light Warriors hauntin' your dreams!
You're goin' down Chaos, you shouldn't fuck with my crew.
Or Leo, JoJo, Spud and I are gonna show you how we do.
YOU MOTHERFUCKER, we've beat you before and we'll do it again.
Every time you fuckin' rise until this fantasy ends.
You'd better stay on your guard!
'Cause when I strike you're gonna feel it!
You fuckin' piece of shit, you're goin' down bitch.
I MEAN IT.

Chaos I got a prob'm witcho muh-fuckin' ass.
That's why I captured the Crystals and came back to the past.
Battled many foes on my way to you.
And I won't think twice about destroyin' you, too.
IIII won't be so forgiving this time around.
Say WHAT?!
IIII will put you in the ground!
Hahahahaha...
You can't stop me now I'm more powerful than you.
You puny half-wit I'll hit you with my dick!
Chaos reigns upon you and you question yourself.
You find that messin' with the best is never good for your health. HAHA.

Discuss!


Holy smokes, remind me to
1) Never to go to LA
2) Always go on vacation where Zane and Awesome Diana are.

Also, Zane is welcome at our Church because Diana saves lives.

Pic from Howie

I saw this commercial during the local evening news yesterday. Can you believe they can pull this off on a Sunday afternoon?! :lol:
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vmpisOn4FmE[/youtube]

Posting this now because I'm off tomorrow and don't want to forget. This one is from Howie.

Philly Mike brings you the following:

Happy birthday!!!

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So I used to jam with this drummer eons ago. We recorded a couple of songs but were nothing more than a Metallica cover band playing speed metal in the early 90's.

Dude never had a job, was always trying to fuck his sister's married friends, and whined because we weren't playing enough material from Metallica's black album.

One day we went to his house and grabbed all our equipment and disbanded. I went on to play in a couple of other bands while the others really didn't do too much.

Fast forward 16 years: Dude is on disability (for what I have no idea; he never ever had a job). His 8 year old kid is some sort of Rainman when it comes to musical instruments so he asked me to come jam with the kid.

I told him that I was way too busy but might be able to slip something in while I'm on vacation. I get this hate filled e-mail in reply telling me that I quit on him back 16 years ago and that as a result he wasted his talent (mind you, he was a one trick pony 4/4 drummer) and he wasn't going to see that happen with his kid.

He really didn't appreciate the sarcasm embedded in replies such as "you were the rock star and we held you back". I have a strong feeling that dude is looking at his kid through gravy train colored glasses.

Don't mind me though, I'm just venting. I cannot fathom how someone could be so emotionally involved in a basement band that was going nowhere from that long ago.

Biff