An email I got from my Grandma.

Fwd: Fw: : OH OH! Maxine speaks!!
Maxine On Obama....

It seems that once again,
all us white folks have missed
a great opportunity.
While all the Black people attended
Obama's inauguration and parades,
we should have broken into their homes
and gotten all our shit back

Editor's Note: Orz does not approve of the stuff that spews from her grandmother's mouth about blacks, Jews, Muslims, the End Times, and people who don't go to confession.

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Soundboard from a 1977 show 2 months before the release of their first album. Contains songs from the first two releases. Cool stuff!

The economy is so bad that:

* I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

*I ordered a burger at McDonald's and the kid behind the counter asked, "Can you afford fries with that?"

*CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

*If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.

*Hot Wheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM.

*McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.

*Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.

*A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico .

*Dick Cheney took his stockbroker hunting.

*Motel 6 won't leave the light on anymore.

*The Mafia is laying off judges.

*Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

*Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal. Oh Great!! The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear!

And, finally ...
*I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the suicide lifeline. I got a call center in Pakistan and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.

WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD??


SARAH PALIN: Before it got to the other side, I shot the chicken, cleaned
and dressed it, and had chicken burgers for lunch.

BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a
change! The chicken wanted change!

JOHN MC CAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he
recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the
chickens on the other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little
chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to
ensure right from Day One! that every chicken in this country gets the
chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road.
We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not The
chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?

COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the
satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken. What is your
definition of chicken?

AL GORE: I invented the chicken.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now
against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the
chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that
he must first deal with the problem on this side of the r oad before it goes
after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help
him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his current problems
before adding new problems.

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is
why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken
learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going
to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not
live his life like the rest of the chickens.

ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken,
but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can
see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken
was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when
the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider
information.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.

GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road.
Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be
listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story
of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish
its lifelong dream of crossing the road.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads
together, in peace.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken 2010, which will not only cross
roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your
checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken 2008. This new
platform is much more stable and will never crash or need to be rebooted.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road
move beneath the chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?

It's one of the Friday top X segments, I think it was in august but Im not sure about that. The topic was top ways you injured yourself. Thanks in advance

Coworker just told me that if you tilt your head back and pretend you're shaking a salt shaker into your mouth, you will actually taste salt. No idea why it works, but it does. The human mind is so weird.

Did anybody else watch the half pipe competition last night? It was pretty awesome. Shaun White is extremely talented. If the Japanese guy could have held it together, I think he could have given him a run for his money. He took the chances necessary, but just couldn't nail the landings.

I tried doing some searches for this but does anyone have the audio they can e-mail me with the guy who says "Freedom isn't free, Free Beer." I find that to be the funniest thing I have ever heard on the show. I am not a podcaster so I can't go that route. Actually if anyone has it written down that would be even better.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lQJFv9SMSMQ[/youtube]

NSFW Language Alert

I was looking through my Netflix movies and when i reached comedy I saw they had fraternity house. for those that don't know it is the movie where the guys and joe played a little cameo in. Just a little FYI for those of you who are interested in seeing the movie.