Me = Future Star (and you can say it all started here, knew)

[diceisgod]

By the way, I always loved the music they play in the hillbilly bar in 48 Hrs. and you see that blond's big titties bouncing around in time with the bass line. I always bounce up and down in my chair a little everytime I stumble across it. I give it 4 stars and 2 thumbs up.

You see that shit up there? Tame but that's worth a mint in 2 years as it's my first review ever as a professional in the industry.

[diceisgod]

The more I think about that mf'er trying to compromise my values as a professional and an artist the more pissed I get.

As for this...

seriously, just a little credit?

I give myself credit for sucking blood from a stone. If when God created the first tree and some jerkoff, lay-about angel walks by in his usual silent stupor and goes "Oh that's nice", what more does God owe him than the continued privilege of allowing the angel to remain in His presence.

[diceisgod]

From my man Slam:

You should keep your personality in it.

don't worry about being an ass, be honest.

Cock and I disagree at times, but I think negative reviews are as important as positive ones.

Quick reply:
Thanks for the support, dude. I'll do you proud. -digigity

[Galt]

But you are reviewing porn for the VOD channel that you'll be working, right?

So if you trash all the content, aren't the customers going to say "the guy who works for them even says their content sucks. I'm done with this place."

They are going to want you to be nicey nice. Like those chump movie reviewers that give every single movie a positive review just so the studios have something to put in their ads.

[diceisgod]

Slam has vision. Anyway on their end it's about the comprehensiveness of their collection, it's accessibility, reliability of delivery (in case of DVD, VHS sales or rentals) and so forth, and having nothing to do with one or a few specific selections from a specific distributer that I, ie only 1 man (though with superior intellect and judgement), happens to think sucks or just is in essence based on a revolting concept like fisting or DAP or BSDM or some other eastern euro slob bullshit.

I am no threat, however, I hope you are right because that's what I do. I'll shut the whole industry down if I see an oppt. that doesn't involve a criminal act or acts not because I have any ill-will toward porn (it's all I got actually) but it's just business as usual, a business I manufactured in my mind but am still no less still in my mind the CEO and BoD wrapped up in one pathetic hopeless excuse of a human being that writes porn reviews (though unlimited lifetime VOD is a nice hand in what is otherwise & typically a regular draw of single deuces, threes, eights, and other garbage).

Edit: By the way - I don't actually work for them. My reviews are indistiguishable from any other reviews from any other regular paying users who all have the same ability to write them. Mine would just slide right into the fold - other than their overall superior nature. You would not believe how this all came about. I get nothing out this other than free VOD as per my "proposal" to them which started as a 5-7 word sentence I randomly sent through in their "suggestions" webform. I said something like: Check out my reviews and if you like give me free time and I will do all your movies. They followed up on it asked for link to a few, and I followed up by saying blah blah blah and I'll guarantee at least 10 reviews per week. So easy deal there for me.

Here's a review on a movie called "Smokin' 2" (I can do these in my sleep):

"I'm not sure it's fair to rate this 5 stars since on principle I despise the so-called "fetish" movies. However, for me April Blossom is just one of the most incredibly seductive and sincere stars there is in the industry, and her scene here is her at her best and well worth skipping through all the muck and putting up with all the repugnances associated with this fetish - ESPECIALLY smoking vaginas which is imo an absolute disgusting disgrace

....

Below is from a separate section in their review template:
"This movie like most based on fetishes is as a whole pure CRAP. April Blossom is the only thing worth while in the entire 6 release or whatever it is "Smokin" series. She's what I call a fuckspert. She's amazing."

[Galt]

You may want to negotiate something that says they can't rescind VOD hours they've given you. What's to say they get you to do a couple reviews, they don't like you and so they say, it doesn't work out, we're going to take away all those hours we gave you.

And also you should negotiate some value of those hours, so if the place goes bankrupt, they have to buy those hours from you before they pay the rest of their creditors.

Of course, if they just said "you get unlimited access to VOD if you work here", then they can fire you, and you get bubkes.

[diceisgod]

^ see above

[Galt]

Lanny Barbie should be in every porno made this year.

[diceisgod]

As the most elder & seasoned professional in this field of one I just invented yesterday, I recommend you get familiar with the work of Christy Lake, a touch old school & already relatively famous, in part, for her fuck-a-fan series (or something like that) & her then concurrent exposure on H. Stern. She is an unpolished gem that rivals any of the silicon stars though at first glance and in the hallows of ignorance perhaps not seemingly in the same league. Nonetheless and as a matter of balls-on-dead-accurate-my-cousin-vinny-style accuracy, I think there are few if any that trump her at least in regard to the psychological inducement elements associated with bag whacking if not in the inherent loin stirrings of traditional visual perfection - the latter like w/ a Lannie Barbie, for example. For another and counter, similar to April Blossom, Lake has a like-air of accessibility to the common slob, that trashy feel like associated with Flo from the old sitcom Alice, for example for those fellow children of 80's TV. But this slutty waitress takes off her clothes revealing her near natural perfection, looks at the camera and says lustily & with a slight wonting growl cracking her voice: "I love getting fucked in my hot, tight, precious pussy. I know you want my hot, tight, wet, hot, wet, precious pussy". Repetition, though on the surface a sign of idiocy and/or condescension in the world outside of where one has their prick in their hand and is jerking it wildly, is one of those indicators, in this biz at least, that you are seeing someone special on the job, one that has that "separating the boys from the cum loving sluts" type quality. She can make you pop and not fucking touch you or herself. Just look into her eyes and listen to the rap - the kind of rap that takes a troubled teenager and turns him into a self loathing career criminal hyper-violoent drug addict with no future and a scary & useless (up until yesterday) insight & eloquence regarding the world of porn.

For specific examples of her wonderfulness see My Virtual Christy - possibly the greatest 1hr 20min of your life and so far from my experience the greatest solo POV film EVER made. Second film worth note involves titans clashing and a third diddling: see Christy's scene with the legendary Keri Windsor in No Mans Land Part 31. Nikki Charm wants to learn to lap and Christy will instruct on Keri's. After Keri's demonic thrashings are complete then you get to watch Christy's - all the while Nikki's eyes flashing a lusty and near murderous scarlet as she attempts to take notes as though her notebook is stuck up between her legs.


Well there's maybe 2-3 reviews I could squeeze out of that up there, but anyway when you say Lanny Barbie to me it's like that redneck guy in the commercial who is sitting to dine at the table of a haughty, well-to-do socialite family w/ servants navigating and there's Jimbob saying, "Could you please pass the jelly?" ...crash, all decent conversation ceases, silence, disapproving looks, indignation, so forth

[diceisgod]

I need to save this for posterity since this might be my fav back & forth volley and smack down ever about something so ridiculously worthless & pointless in the grand scheme. This is from some porn board I visit here and there and will probably be IP banned eventually:

Thread title: Fake tests
Poster kick-off thesis:

Who started this fake tests business. or has it always been going on ? Are more models using fake tests nowadays because of the cost of proper tests ? What can be done to keep the costs down ?

The problem is, say a person uses a fake test, he/she assume everyone else at the shoot is using a genuine test, so, he/she might infect the others. but he/she (assumes) will not get infected by any of the others. But if more than one person is using a fake test, anything can happen. Say if several models at a shoot are using fake tests (with positives for different illnesses), the infections will soar.

Or do models at a shoot nowadays assume that some of the other models there might be using fake tests ?

What would happen if someone was positive for HIV but used a fake test ? So far the incidents have been for curable illnesses, but HIV can still be a death sentence (though people can live for years with it with expensive medication).
It seems the authorities in Czech are intervening to try to cut out the fake tests (Ministry of Health). This might be the only way forward in all instances of this.[//quote]

*Bunch of discussion about testing regulation and so on.

My hardly earth-shattering & seemingly innocuous input:

The entire business is dirty and that's not to say that it's any different than, for example, the oil industry, the sneaker industry, or any other in that respect. That's even expressed in what they put out content-wise, that is what I believe part of the rerason behind the lean or shift in content toward the abusive and repugnant crap like gaping, dp, fisting, gagging, choking, etc. It permeates the whole and regulating what is essentially a corrupt and criminal enterprise is just not possible. That's why I believe you have to hook with the right team, who are in fact part of the people making it so terrible and even dangerous. It's the big guys, the underdogs or smallfrys, and the dead (that is people that get leveraged or muscled out). So what to do? Marry a mobster. Then the tests you take will be legit for the people he protects, you can bet your balls on it.

My rival's (not thread-starter) sloppy attempt to cast dispersions and throw around fluff labels to squash debate and mask his lack of meaningful counterpoint & evidence (sic ie as written by poster, misspellings and all):

I dont think this kind of porn hatered anique views help much here, really. Sad
Sounds like cheap conservative media crusade bullshit.

My response where magical analogy & metaphor hits me spontaneously and flows like an electric current through my fingers to keyboard (btw. Zoe = my fav pornstar/woman on planet:

I'm not trying to help anyone but Zoe for whom I would turn 7 shades more sinister than Josef Goebells and make the conservative media look like a loose, disorganized network of lemonade stands. Plus, I don't have anything against porn on the personal level but I think my statements/critique fair and can probably be further justified with ease if I did in fact care on the personal level, that is, more than just that which is in regard to Zoe and her career. Though, I'm not sure what a "anique" is, so maybe my statements here are not congruent with your response.

Ham-handed response:

Sorry, typo. Meant to write "antique" = over and over the same bullshit, the same porn enemy stereotypes.
I dont know Zoes case, but I hardly think this tread is about single cases. What´s at stake is the whole Prague biz and here an "International Certificate" is a BIG leap forward indeed. That´s really good news and should set an end to the porn bashing, the pro/anti-condom crusades, the moral crusades etc.

Verbose reply, the most tedious part of burying a body is the lowering of the casket, subsequent filling in of gravel, and shaping the mound:

Ah I see. However, I choose to take a different thread on the issue of this thread, that is "thread" = a line of reasoning or train of thought that connects the parts in a sequence - or metaphorically interwoven aspects or facts within the whole of an issue whether on an isolated national one (Prague) or global or whatever socio-geo-political metric. I don't know Zoe either, just want to F and hoping for that 1 in a billion-trillions chance where she sees my support, is touched, and henceforth driven to track me down & hump me to death. Some play the lottery, well so do I but this is my custom version.

So anyway. I just wanted to add my thought-thread to the thread and also my humor tie-in thread and sorry for any offense but as I stated I am certainly no enemy of porn. And further, at least in the states the issue (porn bashing) is moot & toothless, having flared shortly post-Deep Throat's release and subsequent mania. Eventually, sanity set-in and now we just bomb middle eastern countries, use fear mongering & propaganda to subjugate the national public, and straight military & economic thuggery to anyone outside of that. That aside, porn is just fantastic & interwoven into the fabric here, a mainstay, just another....thread

Edit 1: I just told some euro pornstar the following and IO got away with it:

Look I'm sorry I called you Nikki, OK? NICKY!! What does "Nikki" mean "asshole face" in Russian or something? Seems like "Nicky" means "total cunt" to me. Go fuckin' die of AIDS if you aren't already on your way, pig, and give me a break. So there's my apology. We friends again?

[Goatweed]

Go fuckin' die of AIDS if you aren't already on your way, pig

-5 points for the usage of old Norton material. You're so much better than that DIG.

[diceisgod]

Norton says that to any tom dick & harry. Say it to a porn star starlet it's brilliant. Besides I never thought about Norton ever in my life outside him being on the radio in my car and that's rare.

Edit: I'm rather fond of this one too after she called me an idiot and to shut up, Norton couldn't do that down there:

Well who ever you are, you are wonderful and sassy. And as for me shutting up, fuck me then I still won't. So there.

[Goatweed]

well played - you've redeemed yourself in my eyes.

[Black Lazerus]

Nipples larger than a silver dollar and/or darker than a cockroach make me fucking sick.

Just a thought that might come in handy one day.

george must disgust you then

[diceisgod]

I thought you were dead or living a normal healthy happy life but yet here you are. Poor bastard.

[Black Lazerus]

nope not dead but you are somewhat correct i am happy

[diceisgod]

Good for you. Who're the lucky girls?