Here's to Customer Service...Suckin MY Dick

[diceisgod]

I could go on a nice diatribe concerning the Eastern Euorpean Pornstar Invasion (or EEP's for short) See, for my money they are the best looking on the whole. I love chicks wit z thick Russian aczents. They start talkin dirty, I'm poppin before long. Problem is they rarely open their mouth or anything else, not a peeps z's fucking EEP's (<<<this here in retrospect this was a disgusting, disgracful joke and set up, I let it stand to shame me and motivate me to do better). Very few easties will give you a good show when zey fuck (eg. the aforemention Monica Sweetheart or as I like to call her: Monica the Moaning Metronome). Overall, Russians are dirty dirty people, but they can make babies that blossom. The most gorgeous woman on Earth happens to be an EEP. She's not z best looking woman amoung EEP's, nor all pornstars, nor woman on film, but ON EARTH (imo) and she is......I think I'll let you hang for when I feel like posting a proper review.

[diceisgod]

I sat on this for a couple in the hope that I could attack fresh, more clearheadedly, and perhaps even in a more civilized way. It didn't work out:

Still waiting for someone to contact me other than the autoreply. This is about my 7th or 8th email. I want this trial cancelled, my credit card info deleted from your database, your website business to crumble. The latter can wait, but the first two cannot. Anyone home today? Please confirm. Please reply. Please get the FUCK UP and look at this, Hector.

Best Regards,

[diceisgod]

No, not civil at all. Btw here's one of the 7-8 autoreplies I got in my inbox, all the same, all from <!-- e --><a href="mailto:[email protected]">[email protected]</a><!-- e -->.

They say:

Dear Customer:

This is to notify you that your information has been successfully placed.

Sincerely,

Virginia Beaver

I say:

Hey Virginia Beaver, put down the lipstick & get your little beaver over to
the little computer teminal and look at my countless emails. Attend to them
and get back to me to confirm. I doubt anyone will ever see any of these
messages, but I hope someday someone does. Further when they do finally, I
hope it's during a difficult time in their life, I hope they then cry, and I
hope they then commit suicide in a truly fittingly horrible fashion.

XOXOXOX

[diceisgod]

I think I may have out-did myself this time - I used some old material, but I think it was necessary, that aside if I could blow myself as a reward I would, the subject line I think pushed it over the edge:

Subject: ATTN: ExcaliburFilms Employee: CEO involved in a serious issue, Please read

Hello there! I hope all is well there in Guatemala or Bolivia or whereever
it is you're based.

Now that I got your attention - I lied about the CEO thing by the way, did
that piss you off, sunshine?- I have been desparately trying to get
resolution to a problem, and as you read on you will see just how desperate
that is and what lengths I'm now willing to go through to get up an ass over
there and get what I want. It's very simple and I'll let you untangle the
forwarded emails - which are below and there are few - for your fookin
selves, to figure out what my simple, simple request is and part of this
wonderful tale your company has been part of and indeed the inspiration. For
this has indeed been a customer service tale that has been most eventful and
if things don't get resolved soon, I promise you they will get much more
interesting. I'm smart. Real smart. So smart that when my fingers hit the
keyboard, atoms fookin spilt, mushroom clouds take root in fookin
schvinters. So, my predicament and yours explained now......

You my friend are on a sinking ship. ExcaliburFilms is a disgrace to the
industry and business practice in general. I hope you can fix my problem
(figure it out, smart guy) and respond to me in 24 hours or less. I am not
finished here in my determination to get someone's friggin attention there.
I found an email for a Jacob, using google, and it appeared to go through
(first one below). Now that I know the possible convention of your company's
emails, I'm going to rip off the Top 100 most popular names list (easily
found on the web, try searching for popular baby names), attach your
company's URL to the top 25 (for both boy's names and girls names- that's 50
emails total for you math genuises), and fire them off EVERY F00KIN DAY
until something gets through to someone, someone who is not a moron such as
those attending to customer service through your pathetic website. I expect
confirmation of the receipt of this tirade you made me do and also assurance
that your filthy pig company will not get a dime from me. THANK YOU,
SWEATHEART!

Best Regards,

Just WOW is all. So EVERYDAY they get my 50 emails. I'm luvin it!

[diceisgod]

I figured this out & cancelled membership. Ceasing fire - thank god none of those 50 emails went through.

[GonzoStyle]

I could go on a nice diatribe concerning the Eastern Euorpean Pornstar Invasion (or EEP's for short) See, for my money they are the best looking on the whole. I love chicks wit z thick Russian aczents. They start talkin dirty, I'm poppin before long. Problem is they rarely open their mouth or anything else, not a peeps z's fucking EEP's (<<<this here in retrospect this was a disgusting, disgracful joke and set up, I let it stand to shame me and motivate me to do better). Very few easties will give you a good show when zey fuck (eg. the aforemention Monica Sweetheart or as I like to call her: Monica the Moaning Metronome). Overall, Russians are dirty dirty people, but they can make babies that blossom. The most gorgeous woman on Earth happens to be an EEP. She's not z best looking woman amoung EEP's, nor all pornstars, nor woman on film, but ON EARTH (imo) and she is......I think I'll let you hang for when I feel like posting a proper review.

Russians make the best rape vids too, no one cries like a russian girl.

[diceisgod]

Well one of my emails DID get through it seems and I also got a perm cust num - though earlier today I canceled it. I wonder if I can now access the site for free. If Virginia knocks on my door with a dust pan and chapstick, consider my ass King George.

Hi,

HotMovies has very little to do with Excaliber. We built them a VOD
website but they don't even link to it from their site as far as I can
tell.

Here is the best I can do . . . Try sending to the same addresses you
used before but send to @moviefilmfest.com instead of
@excaliberfilms.com.
I hope that helps.
CJ

Hello, HitMovies Rep - I apologize for this if one of these messages
actually gets through to you and further to have to bother you with all
this ugliness. However, your site seems intimately affiliated with
ExcaliburFilms, I might be wrong, but whatever the level of the
relationship is, it's unfortunate, because they are incompetent swine. I
have tried to reach someone, anyone there for a while now there. Not a
peep. Nothing.
Customer Support = Zero. If you can assist me by forwarding this email
to any friend or contact you have at Excalibur (if it's their CEO, which
would be wonderful , please copy me on that because I want to get to the
source
here) I would be grateful, and might I also suggest you partner with
pornpayperminute.com verses Exaclibur, as pppm.com is not run by people
who do not take their jobs seriously, nor monkies, nor imbeciles.
ExcaliburFilms was ranked as the number one site for online renting, but
they have shown me nothing but No. 2 and that they are most rank.

Apologies again and thank you for any assistance you can offer.

Best Regards,

[diceisgod]

Eastern European Pornstars (EEPs) - I think some are among the best in the biz. Unfortunately, outside Gonzo's fav raped and crying EEP chicks, they are some of the lamest & most boring fucks you'll ever see. Not to say it's strictly the eastern block that has anything to do with this, nor that there aren't lame American, French, or Spic pornstars to any less degree. But I think EEPs possibly face unique cirumstance that perhaps influence their position & status in the industry, their fuck style as well as shape my worthless & unqualified opinion. The perfect example is, as I mentioned twice, Monica Sweetheart, who is one of the most beautiful women EVER in porn or on film really actually so forth moreover I think she might be number 2 worldwide next to my special gal who shall soon be revealed, at some point. But she is a dullard for the most part. She poses, makes fake f-me expressions into the camara or at the guy f-n her, moans like it's read off a cue card, repetitive and cyclic grunts and other sounds, overall it looks like it's a chore for her. However, she does shine from time to time. Check out the second vid here, for example:

http://www.nsgalleries.com/hosted1/ns/mo...?id=100028

THAT'S fuckin, my friends! That's probably the most sincere I have ever seen her and it's just beautiful. Back to the larger issue here, the EEP's Invasion. The first vid in the linked gallery below is some jerk off's rant on Easties and the industry (featuring of course...MONICACOCKER!!):

http://nastyclips.jansgalleries.com/LD_R.../xnxx.html

Funny guy, but some of what he says, though tongue in cheek, as an element of truth and lends insight to the lot of the EEPs. In the wake of their mass entre' into Porn, I think many are way underappreciated and relatively unknown compared to the properly marketed and hyped US natives (deservedly for some, some Sleeper equivalents) and/or the properly Americanized. Maybe the powers that be are resolved to solely hire & push Amercian stars, refuse to properly promote the Easties, and other things like that. Maybe it has something to do with my claims that you'd often get more excitement out of mouth fucking a dead bullfrog then some of these broads, but we're looking for cause here. Another simple reason that perhaps has ties throughout, is the fact they can't speak zo good z english. If a girl doesn't say "FUCK MY PUSSY!" at least once while on the job, she's not doing her job. So we gots the political climate, enthusiasm, and the language barrier crap. Reflect on this & add if you wish or care, or don't - if you're normal.

Anyway, let's look at chicks I like and fuck all that other noise. Here's some of my favs, some the result of my own personal eccentricities and maybe not the physical ideal. INTANGIBLES, bastids, intangibles. I link the sample vid gallery and note the particular vid I think best illustrates my pointless points about this pointlessness if it matters to note it as such. I'll post one chick for now (not HER again). Later when I'm bored, I'll add another. In all, I'll hightlight maybe 4-6 others - the last, being THE one.

Katarina Kat or Svetlana - Short-haired, flexible short blond. Compact, rounded, a bit thick still petite somehow. She is an accomplished solo artist, Mozart-like. Few can rub one out better. Just look at the fury and determination on her face. It's fuckin amazing, and makes up for her somewhat disturbingly large cooter (intangibles!). Outside that, she's a pretty nasty bitch and for me, not in a good way. She does rancid and disgusting shit like stuffing panties in her cooch, squirting milk out her tits. Fuckin groddy Russian people. But when she's not being a slob and making me sick, I think she's great. She's also somewhat famous for her crazy flexibility. That does nothing for me, and lastly she's a C+ fuck in old-fashioned b/g screw scenes. See third vid, second's ok too:

http://www.teenie-teens.com/whispers/439...28d7e.html

To be continued...

[diceisgod]

Ivana Fukalot: - No joke, she's real. She is a rail though. Crackhead thin, but she carries the look well imo - I think she's gorgeous. I also think she's a mute because you can barely get so much as a grunt out of her whether getting fucked (D+/C-) or going solo. The latter I think just happens to be her expertise. I would go so far to say she is the BEST out of any and all - if she worked in some well-place audio it would be indisputable to me. There are tons of clips out there of her, problem is lots of trash to go through, nonsolo's = 99.9% chance of sucking. Take note of the 2nd vid when she just starts to get the pilot lit - writhes like a snake. She gets hypnotizing when she's on the button - love that slut:

Ivana: http://welcome.ivanafukalot.com/gals/200...ignid=3182

[GonzoStyle]

Russian chicks overall are not great fucks, they also have poor education when it comes to keeping the vagina smelling like the summer breeze.

[GonzoStyle]

they are adventurous and open to experimentation though!

[diceisgod]

Margo/Aubre/Nikki/Kristy/Diana/etc. - Tall petite blond. A total stunner I think. The only physical complaint I have is not the small breasts, which I don't mind and kinda like, it's the slightly GAPING hole between her legs. It's not so bad though, as you will see. But first to blur things a bit, she's got the kind of "intangables" that only I can recognize. That is, I choose her to discuss not because she's got something you may be able to appreciate but because of one of my many "eccentricities" or most likely something much worse. I may say 'intangibles', most others, 'symptoms'. To bring this into focus a bit, I admit that this girl is the WORST lay, blowjob, fuck, lapper, tribber, etc. You name it - she's TERRIBLE at it. I don't know if I'm alone here but I'll elaborate a bit and "put myself out there" & "make myself vulnerable" for all my new very bestest of pals. I find that I am attracted to pornstars and girls in general that remind me of those I was around & exposed when the things started a perculatin' down there - at 12-14 years or so. Specifically, Aubrie here reminds me of a somewhat similar looking waitress I used to work with and had quite a little bonner for. Everyday after work, I got home and shortly, soonafter, the thoughts that I would put together and sift through my head - up and until the point where I would lean down Sleeper style over the toilet - were just disgraceful, disgusting, Russianly. I wanted to just fucking ....dispoil(?) or something this woman, this WHORE for what she was doing to me.

So now Aubrie is helping me work through some of these early lingering childhood tramas. The lady at the restuarant though was a little older and not as attractive, but it works out after a first approximation. I choose to call her Aubrie notice (real name is in fact Margo) because her real name is the worst name I think I ever heard. What the fuck is a Margo? Going back to my issues, not only did I want to bang that whore waitress real bad, but her sister too who just happened to work at the same restuarant. However, the sister was built a bit different - "Compact, rounded, a bit thick still petite somehow." See what's goin on here? I can go through many other of my personal favs in and out of the EEP world and make some kind of connection to the primordial, developmental stages of my scrote. Not specifically with Ivana, however, but considering that she is extremely thin perhaps that can help bridge a gap here - she is slim like, but much moreso than, the first waitress girl. Ivana may even be disgustingly thin to some, but perhaps the strands of these disturbing and perverted memories, condierations, and conclusions help to explain to a certain extent my tolerance & oversight of this, and even my attraction to, certian people with that particlar physical deformity - albeit only in certain cases & given the proper 'intanges' like with Ivana.

Re: Aubrie, the solo vids linked below mark the most excited I've ever seen her. And yes I prefer solos for whatever reason - perhaps it's because I feel one can better guage what a person is like when it's just you and her/him, face-face or face-monitor. Put another person in the mix and everyone's behavorior changes as a matter of natural course. It's almost like their personalities, demneanor, actions, reactions are being reflected off one another and you don't who's really like what or who you the fuck you are for that matter. Not sure if that made sense, but maybe BA can type us up a 6 paragraph explanation and confuse every one of us further except Sleeper and Galt.

Bullshit to the side - I'm always on the look out for her - Aubrie - have a nice collection of about 2-3 dozen links of vid/pic galleries. I even got one of her "full-length" (ie about 20 mins) feature flix called "Winkers 3" - a woefully, awefully contrived, disgusting Russian production - a fucking disgrace. As is common knowledge in the slums of Moscow, "Winkers" refer to chicks making their assholes pucker in and out. Impressive, if not so fucking repugnant. Clever, funny, & appropriate for those with the mental equivalence of children six & under. Ya know, Russian people just really get up my ass..........Hey, I no Russia! I punch face! I kill you, my friend! I Czech - no pig Russia, they kill family! I punch, my friend!.........Yeah whatever,BORIS, ya damn slob!

http://freehostedpics.com/hg/redcitynude...iana_dildo

[GonzoStyle]

if you're ever in the area, look me up and i'll inrtoduce you to a bunch of russian skanks.

[diceisgod]

We'll give'em the old "We'll makes sex for yous becazz....we're two....Wald 'N Crahzey, Gaz!" routine.

[diceisgod]

Diana - Since we're on this bonding & sharing trip and to pick up on how much of a lunatic closet stalker I am, I dive a little deeper into the obsure among the EEPs and for your benefit & practical purposes this is as deep as I'll go then we'll get back to what is typically, univerally considered as nice looking pussy wussy. I promise this recommendation will not be another off-tangent, psychological profile nor a dense, reflective piece on the intricacies of social interaction. One can make their own assessment in that regard without too much difficulty in just reading this, it's content, and all the other crap I threw up on this board lately. No, whereever all this is clearly pointing on the psycholoigical level, this will be more of technical, intructive, and even criminal one. That is, it could be a blessing for those that like to collect these small, somewhat obscure porn clips & scenes or just see how clever they can be in ripping off a pr0n site (if it is in fact wrong in the internet criminal law sense). I include three links which constitute the only known galleries in existence of this chick, Diana. On her briefly, she's got that almost witch-like face which is closer to my waitress friend discussed above than Aubrie's. Thats it on my why's. Despite, she's got almost perfect skin/body though, could use a tan and maybe those tits could be a little closer together, but on my scale she's hot, a good soloist. As for the f-grade that is TBD and my project, homework for you in exchange for the following potentially valuable information which you can parlay into GIGS of free porn if you want (not quality but variety is good). Here she is - 6 clips per page, maybe a couple dubs but a very generious site that is either not extremely websmaht or just as apathetic:

Set 1: <!-- m --><a class="postlink" href="http://free.sexbankroll.com/galleries/18oncam/18oncam_T00002/index7.html">http://free.sexbankroll.com/galleries/1 ... ndex7.html</a><!-- m -->

Set 2: <!-- m --><a class="postlink" href="http://free.sexbankroll.com/galleries/18oncam/18oncam_T00002/index8.html">http://free.sexbankroll.com/galleries/1 ... ndex8.html</a><!-- m -->

Set 3: <!-- m --><a class="postlink" href="http://free.sexbankroll.com/galleries/18oncam/18oncam_T00002/index9.html">http://free.sexbankroll.com/galleries/1 ... ndex9.html</a><!-- m -->

In regard to Diana, she's no where else on the net other than here and listed among the thumbs of these two main sites: solmov.com & porgirls.com - basically the same sites but with diff names. Thats how I learned her name. Back on point, those so inclined and with sufficient cleverness can score perhaps thousands of clips of 100's of such perfomances given by 100's of different chicks - actually all genre's not just solo. To start and set you on your way if interested, given the information in the links above as well as taking note of the file names on each respective site of Diana's free 15 sec clips (one being 1.wmv, the other being 36.wmv,etc, for example - I just did the thinking right there), you can turn these 15-18 random clips of Diana here into 43 and then even arrange them such that you have a nice continuous little montage of this particular solo performance. With this in mind, take a look at the various sections of the urls above, ie their directories and their structure and their naming convention. This leads to the Following Logic (<<like that one?)

PATTERNS + SEQUENCES + the Find/Replace function in Notepad + Trial-error (100's of possible permutations) = lay of the land of that site = access to the lot of their entire pron library,

Though most clips are similarly 15 sec or not much more, I like even though certain sections you may wish you didn't have access. That's it really. As for homework: if you see this bitch Diana (or whoever she is) out of the context of this vid montage you are to post or pm the link to me. I've been on the look out and have almost reached the point where I say there is no other. OK and one more thing I need to mention because it's just so damn funny (or distrubing if you will). You might be thinking, how the hell does this schmuck know she is an EEP? Maybe she's from fuckin Kansas? Well, look at the what she's reading, take an arbitratry word which I'll guarantee will make no sense on the surface and google it. The one I did, led me to believe it's Russian, actually Czech, you I kill you.

As these reviews continue to progress or rather spiral, we're headed to the final episode perhaps being a live webcam review that will end with me jerking off to my ONE special EEP & what gooch likes to call "a bullet through the head". Enjoy & stay tuned!

[diceisgod]

I actually left out a key point but the clever already get this. It's actully the target links of the vids that are important unless you want to visit the gallery sample sites for whatever reason - their urls did indeed leead me to these conclusions, that is for every gallery of every different scene, there is out in the open, the missing pieces that once can grab if they know how to grab it. Ya see, I know how to grab it. Not a mind bender but worth discission in light of what you creative people are puttin forth.

Edit: As stated this whole thing might be illegal, so obviously the warning button works thanks to the daring Michaelangelo. So just use that and i'll fix, or just delete whatever need be yourself if you want. Not sure how it can be since it's called FREE.sexbankroll.......etc... They said free! Ok, that's all.

[diceisgod]

Well to cut right to it, imo the hottest chick alive is: Lucinka. A czeck chick with a million aliases like most of these beasties. Great site here where you can look up her and others:

Eurobabes: http://www.eurobabeindex.com/

She doesn't do, as far as I know, b/g stuff - only solo and lez. Here is the only b/g scene I have ever seen, no insert but zhe tahkz!

http://www.sweet-d-boobs.com/zoe/hn.html

Here she is in all her solo glory:

http://www.ifgirls.com/VGEwMDA3fDQzMg==/MTY1OTozOjM

Here she is with another personal fav named Hana/Tessa, probably many other names too:

http://www.lesbiansplayroom.com/mgal07/1...meLSB.html

Note Zoe has a very distictive O - the same almost everytime she pops. It may seem & be scripted, but to me it's her trademark and it works.

And lastly to illustrate how f-talk takes things to the next level, check out the trailer here which is otherwise a tame solo strip & tease with obnoxious music (another extreme annoyance) featuring Hana. About 1/2-3/4 into it she actually talks for the first time ever I think, though terse, makes this one a keeper whereas otherwsie garbage:

http://realitykings.com/ma/boneshaker.htm

Just did this for completeness' sake, all seem bored with it but I couldn't stop without the payoff...so there Zoe, hottest on EARTH.

For a goof & off topic, watch the HYSTERICAL striptease solo of the girl linked in the bottom left (in kitchen, Diane from Knoxville, TN):

http://www.cutegirlfriend.net/members/ma...teen1.html

Now back to our regularly scheduled posting.

[Mad]

We'll give'em the old "We'll makes sex for yous becazz....we're two....Wald 'N Crahzey, Gaz!" routine.

You're such a card.

[diceisgod]

Oh you can play or was that luck?

[GonzoStyle]

I liked Hannah the best of the bunch.